kangbanger24 (02:37:06 am): yo
oldmiller52 (02:37:12 am): ahhh shit
kangbanger24 (02:37:22 am): haha for sure just got the memo
oldmiller52 (02:37:24 am): weird, i get your messages, are you getting mine?
kangbanger24 (02:37:40 am): i just got on
oldmiller52 (02:37:47 am): haha ah
kangbanger24 (02:37:50 am): for sure
oldmiller52 (02:38:00 am): whaattt uuuupp
kangbanger24 (02:38:08 am): shit this is like the closest thing to being together in a long ass time
kangbanger24 (02:38:21 am): i'm just chilling at a pc bang, its like almost 3 in the morning
oldmiller52 (02:38:29 am): lol
kangbanger24 (02:38:33 am): what are you up to?
oldmiller52 (02:38:39 am): smoking opium?
kangbanger24 (02:39:01 am): hahaha what? i kinda wish no the place where you go to use the computer hahah
oldmiller52 (02:39:02 am): haha not too much man, just laying in bed just recovering from my trip
oldmiller52 (02:39:11 am): lol i know
kangbanger24 (02:39:12 am): how was that?
kangbanger24 (02:39:19 am): haha wtf hahha
oldmiller52 (02:39:41 am): it was good man, i like boston a lot, my audition went well...annndd yeah we'll see what happens
kangbanger24 (02:39:56 am): for sure, are those other options up in the same area too?
kangbanger24 (02:40:16 am): that would be awesome for you, getting away is probably one of the greatest things ever
oldmiller52 (02:40:18 am): nah, other options are just like not going to school and working
kangbanger24 (02:40:29 am): oh ic
oldmiller52 (02:40:32 am): yeah i hear you man
kangbanger24 (02:40:47 am): and ipr been good?
oldmiller52 (02:40:50 am): it was pretty chill, good to see hendricks and gaertner and stuff
kangbanger24 (02:41:08 am): oh for sure
oldmiller52 (02:41:25 am): oh yea, loving it, im on spring break right now until the 31st, but this upcoming quarter is my last and its just getting better and better
kangbanger24 (02:41:25 am): it sounds tyt what you told me, seeing some live music and some good jazz cats
oldmiller52 (02:41:33 am): yea
oldmiller52 (02:41:38 am): whats new with you? where you at?
kangbanger24 (02:42:13 am): just in seoul, my grandmas in the states so i've got her apartment for a few months
oldmiller52 (02:42:21 am): balllerr
oldmiller52 (02:42:44 am): is she still living with your pops?
kangbanger24 (02:42:50 am): yeah its pretty good. a crazy time in my life thats for sure
oldmiller52 (02:42:52 am): or different gramma
kangbanger24 (02:42:56 am): no she has her own place now
oldmiller52 (02:43:02 am): word
kangbanger24 (02:43:38 am): for sure
oldmiller52 (02:43:41 am): glad to hear youre enjoying yourself
kangbanger24 (02:44:08 am): shit, welli think i'm going to be here for another 4 years, you could think of taking another trip?
oldmiller52 (02:44:19 am): oh wow
oldmiller52 (02:44:25 am): perrhaapsss
kangbanger24 (02:44:33 am): haha it'd be different this time around
oldmiller52 (02:44:35 am): im working on going to colombia this summer
kangbanger24 (02:44:42 am): for real?
kangbanger24 (02:44:44 am): thats sick
oldmiller52 (02:45:07 am): yea man, then id only have 3 more continents to step foot on
kangbanger24 (02:45:08 am): so you and audie are close then huh
kangbanger24 (02:45:18 am): haha word
oldmiller52 (02:45:26 am): yeah man, we're doing very well
kangbanger24 (02:45:35 am): but steping continents and soaking them are different stories
oldmiller52 (02:45:59 am): true, but the continents ive stepped on ive absorbed pretty well
kangbanger24 (02:46:07 am): haha good to hear, i want a girlfriend, i still get really deep into girls tho, i guess that goes with being that picky
oldmiller52 (02:46:09 am): at least korea and ukraine and amsterdam
kangbanger24 (02:46:15 am): true that,a month here will do that
oldmiller52 (02:46:42 am): yea man
oldmiller52 (02:47:17 am): well yea, idk it seems like from your pictures and notes and stuff on your blog and facebook and stuff that you are really becoming more in tune with yourself and whats going on
oldmiller52 (02:47:44 am): having a girlfriend is nice, but you've definetly got to figure that kind of stuff out before it can be a successful relationship
kangbanger24 (02:48:16 am): yeah for sure man, its sometimes hard when you don't got those people around you tho, like you and friends and shit. its got its wayyy uppps and its super lows its really emotional right now
oldmiller52 (02:48:39 am): homesick?
kangbanger24 (02:48:40 am): ohh word, I think the girls have understood that, read something subconscious because they all maintain a friendship
kangbanger24 (02:48:54 am): I dont' know what it is
kangbanger24 (02:49:11 am): i miss the memories i've made
oldmiller52 (02:49:17 am): hmm
oldmiller52 (02:49:35 am): stop living in the past? focus on now?
oldmiller52 (02:49:44 am): i mean, thats something i have to tell myself all the time
oldmiller52 (02:49:49 am): look forward
kangbanger24 (02:50:12 am): its good to have a friend who will give an opinion, it really helps me out
oldmiller52 (02:50:24 am):
kangbanger24 (02:50:28 am): haha
oldmiller52 (02:50:42 am): you can pick your nose, but you cant pick your ass
kangbanger24 (02:50:51 am): but i've had my super highs, but i've been getting depressed almost every other day
kangbanger24 (02:51:00 am): haha i miss our house for sure
oldmiller52 (02:51:04 am): lol hella
oldmiller52 (02:51:36 am): well dude, theres some shit going on deep down, that i obviously dont know about, and that you maybe dont even know about thats bringing you down
oldmiller52 (02:52:02 am): if i had to guess, i would say its stuff with your dad and him leaving home and treating your family the way he did
kangbanger24 (02:52:14 am): yeah its really hard, i think whilei'm home i'll talk to a councelor, somebody that ms bovitz pointed me to
oldmiller52 (02:52:30 am): and then maybe youre afraid of becoming who you are based on who your dad is
oldmiller52 (02:52:36 am): idk just a guess
kangbanger24 (02:52:40 am): yeah its been a lot about my dad, i' talk about it in really negative ways tho its no good
oldmiller52 (02:52:41 am): i think that would help
oldmiller52 (02:53:13 am): yea, well if there are negative things, in everyones mind, they will always outweigh the positives
kangbanger24 (02:53:21 am): do you read my blog? yeah i think it'll help, because talking about shit really helps me out but there aren't many people i turn to
oldmiller52 (02:53:37 am): i have, just not in a while
oldmiller52 (02:53:49 am): ive been busy preparing for this audition and sish
oldmiller52 (02:55:24 am): so what are you doing out there?
kangbanger24 (02:55:35 am): yeah for sure, I appreciate that anyways.
kangbanger24 (02:57:27 am): mm now I dropped out so i'm doing drawing classes so I can take the entry exam into the art school..and I picked up a ceramic artist to do art with 3 times a week, hes super chill and i just started last week..been keeping busy. i fill my time at cafes, chill and chill i guess
oldmiller52 (02:58:00 am): word, sounds like a good time
oldmiller52 (02:58:12 am): what about work? how do you pay for shit?
oldmiller52 (02:58:13 am): lol
kangbanger24 (02:59:13 am): haha dads been helping out a bunch. but yeah I teach english so I get free drawing lessons and the ceramic studio is a fair price so living in my grandmas apart keeps the costs down. i'll teach more english later on tho, that pays
oldmiller52 (02:59:36 am): legit
oldmiller52 (02:59:58 am): so have you gotten to be closer to your dad at all?
kangbanger24 (03:00:19 am): not really, i haven't spent that much time with him
oldmiller52 (03:00:54 am): bummer
kangbanger24 (03:01:05 am): and when I do, i don't feel comfortable where i'm like dad you want to go do something? he doesn't get it i think this is our relationship and i duno
kangbanger24 (03:01:18 am): yeah for sure
oldmiller52 (03:01:55 am): do you just ask him if he wants to get together? or youre saying you cant do that?
kangbanger24 (03:02:45 am): a lil of both, i've crashed a few times just when i go over, i just wanted to take a night drive but i couldn't ask him if he wanted to he was like watchin tv
oldmiller52 (03:03:41 am): oh
oldmiller52 (03:03:53 am): well, keep trying man
oldmiller52 (03:04:16 am): its important to get whatever your thinking or feeling about him out in the open
kangbanger24 (03:04:17 am): you think its worth it?
kangbanger24 (03:04:27 am): yeah max said something about that
kangbanger24 (03:04:39 am): i do need to know what happened
kangbanger24 (03:04:52 am): but i guess i'm not close enough to ask
oldmiller52 (03:05:58 am): i mean yes, cus it will free up your mind, but theres definetly stuff going on with him too, cus i remember when we went out to your grampas grave he told us how he left your g ma and dad when he was like 4 or whatever
oldmiller52 (03:06:22 am): its probably just the endless cycle, but its up to you to break that cycle
oldmiller52 (03:06:50 am): it doesnt matter if your not close enough, your his kid, youre entitled to know what happened to your family
kangbanger24 (03:07:06 am): yeah thats why i cnat give him a hard time, he has had it worse than i have, i mean i have it good
kangbanger24 (03:07:21 am): hmm
oldmiller52 (03:07:34 am): just because he provides for you doesn't me he can not show you affection and love
oldmiller52 (03:07:36 am): idk man
kangbanger24 (03:07:42 am): yeah i guess i'm still a little scared of the secret thats inside him,something that will truly hurt me again
oldmiller52 (03:07:49 am): ahhh
oldmiller52 (03:07:53 am): that makes sesne
kangbanger24 (03:08:25 am): but thats the dark inside me i think its the same fear what i'll do someday, max tried to say its not me, but its definately a ghost inside me
kangbanger24 (03:08:31 am): it makes me sick
kangbanger24 (03:09:34 am): i've been trying to turn to religion, push it out. i'm just a baby believer hopefully through my life it will help
oldmiller52 (03:10:26 am): i feel like, you'll only do that if you don't get in touch with yourself and how youre actually feeling about your dad and without answers and stuff it will only continue to bother you
oldmiller52 (03:10:42 am): i agree with max in saying that thats not you
oldmiller52 (03:11:18 am): but i mean if you think religion is helping you, you're your ultimate judge, you know yourself better than anyone else, because you are you
kangbanger24 (03:12:33 am): for sure man
oldmiller52 (03:12:38 am): sorry to get all like counselor the first time i talk to you in like 3 months
kangbanger24 (03:13:10 am): no it doesn't matter, its just back to what it was, the time and space doesn't change our relationship, the important things are being said and thats what keeps us close
oldmiller52 (03:13:24 am): exactly
kangbanger24 (03:13:43 am): you remind me of the closest friend I made here, hes back in chicago, i can get deep with you and we can be sincere
oldmiller52 (03:13:47 am): not a day goes by that i don't think about you or have a funny ass memory
kangbanger24 (03:14:11 am): haha tell me one sometime haha i'td probably make my day.
oldmiller52 (03:14:19 am): lol right on
oldmiller52 (03:14:24 am): we've got a few
kangbanger24 (03:14:32 am): we've got more than a few
oldmiller52 (03:14:37 am): haha
oldmiller52 (03:14:39 am): yea
kangbanger24 (03:14:50 am): aright man I should skip, my friend just left and i'm crashing
oldmiller52 (03:14:58 am): right on
oldmiller52 (03:15:03 am): great talking to you
oldmiller52 (03:15:14 am): im on spring break now so feel free to talk to me whenever
oldmiller52 (03:15:28 am): take...luck!
kangbanger24 (03:15:31 am): yeah i'll hit you up soon for sure, i mean you heard my voice i gotta hear yours
oldmiller52 (03:15:40 am): haha
kangbanger24 (03:15:42 am): for sure brotha peace!
oldmiller52 (03:15:47 am): peace