i can't leave myself hanging. I was kind of mad I said it was jealousy, art isn't about that I guess I get down on myself. and now I'm trying to take back what I said. I rang him up last night, left a message, telling him how I really liked his work, really impressed for sure. maybe its something inspiring, in each of us. trade ideas, build off each other, give encouraging words, help express the meanings through our arts. my bad man. but he already hit me back, made me feel good and gave me some props, thanks man that makes it all count. i mean anyone can become technically skilled, its the thing about expressing your meaning through your art, and how you go about it that matters. i should keep that meaning in mind.

anyways I'm trying to take life not so seriously. word.

my head is like a moobie maybe cause if your looking at images linked with music, it makes it seem like it fits together, like dark side and the wizard of oz. and plus staring out a bus window is so calm, passing images you only get that moment to take it in. I don't know if theres a point to that.

i've been playing a lot of guitar..i got some of my scales back, like that slidy one you really like, while I was jamming to fire on the mountain. still maybe probably need my gibson soon.

i wish I was like super goofy and easy going. but I was laughing last night by myself, and like yelling and stuff, for fun it was good. I was just chilling in my apartment cause I didn't have anything to do today. but i've got a grind coming up next week, i get drawing lessons in exchange for teaching the daughter english...can I bring like comic books? haha it should be fine. then I go three times a week to do ceramic work... hopefully I can learn the functional and traditional form to lay my foundation hollarr and he will be teaching me about kilns..so I can get my own work and studio some day...brady ..he doesn't read this I don't think but we should get a krew, wait we have a krew, and build a woodfire kiln , stay up for a few days and nights, hold temp fire one off. its bomb i swear, intense and fucking crazy for sure. for sure gotta stop by that place by pats cabin, we know we see it cause we always miss the turn and end up driving too far. haha

i make pretty good coffee now. black its good. i volunteer my time at the gom dabang, the bear cafe in exchange for free cofffee, maybe i'll work there later but for now this is super chill. each cup takes patience and is made by hand, slowly letting the grinds rise and settle, releasing that goodness and then letting it drip slowly through the filter, its like a differen't art, and the smell..ahhhhhh i wish I could smell like coffee beans hahah. you can see the oils collect at the top and man pat this is good shit man i look forward to having you at my cafe someday hahah. we'll see.

man i wish I could go back into my memories, and just appreciate that moment like I do when reflecting it. I miss my life, what was and not so much what is. I guess I might be missing this so I should love this right now too. fyi i'm just chilling at pc bang, i've got an hour or two before I got something. ohh snap it makes me jump a little. maybe you'll find out why :)

i'm good.

ps anybody know the country codes in calling to korea??

i'm a father hater, what can I do to see the love in him? i'm trying.
yoseb asks do you talk to your sister? umm not not really. were not that close...
what about your mom?? yeah I talk to her...but i only started last year.. ???his reaction.
well I didn't really talk to people before that... oh...but now I talk to people, and its good. ahhhh.
i wish I could express everything and let you guys just know. but thats not logical. I don't like having things hidden, cause it builds and makes up stupid pointless false meanings in my mind. i wish I could just be super open and super free, not restricted by outer things. hopefully I can be that comfortable some day.

damn i forgot my card, ps remind myself to go to that site with my card. okay word check. asap. later. use me...what can I do...i can give.