passion, images, change and such

soo many feelings. first I'm a little crazy. thats cool with me. I returned to Korea, I love love love. I live in Ilsan, away from the I house and what it was. I'm at the I house with sam but I'll fill you in later so we can chill. chillen, at pc 방 now and viewed all of the shit ton of hannahs photos. how many rolls do I have, how much is that going to cost? bummer. should be joining a star game soon, but i'd like to get one out.

I figured out some things lately, a lot. this traveling put soo much pressure on my mind, so much new to take in and moving day to day to soak just even more new. its alot of change. but change, is good. in understanding. what to push for and not to push for.

waking, in the beautiful apartment, walking down the backlit hall into the open living room, light filtering in from the wall thats a window. just to stand and look. its absolutely stunning at night, doesn't even get old after months and multiple times visiting. its wonderful. head to the kitchen, drink to v8 juice, get on the vietnamese coffee (the grounds are to fine) and eat soo much cereal. it is wild how much I eat, due to the portions I give myself and the stuffing that happens before my mind catches up, but damn it was good to eat kimchi last night. ahaha.

so change, I'll be living on my own , thats good, I've never not had a roomate, this is all me. towards the end of our trip I was having a mental trip (when I realized I'm crazy) and it was due to all the following we were doing. follow the leader. now that I'm back I can pursue for me, do what I want. even though wanting isn't good I can do what I like is better. with help from friends, I do appreciate the help you've given me trying to find another ceramic artist to work with, and I feel bad cause I can't really do things all on my own. I do need people. but I can't be completely alone in this world, that should be a good thing. so change, my mom may be getting out here by october, then I wouldn't really need to move back to minnesota. interesting huh? I was frustrated because I walked into the UIC office and started to speak english, why can't I be saying those things in korean. I guess I need improvement, but its good speaking again, it feels right and its really nice being emersed in the society instead of what we had for the last two months, "tourists" it was nice talking with sam again, bro for life but I'll miss what we had. like its never the same. according to the Ihouse streets, the new kids aren't as cool as last sememster, it isn't the coolness but what we made of it, and you guys were amazing. period. so I watched that video tape I had, quite boring and yes it was questionable of why I was filming, but amy to your creeped outedness it was beautiful seeing you laugh again cracking each of our friends up as we sat around in 섬. so I want to be independent but I am still dependent to the good of others. I'm refining myself for the better, maybe it was a weird caffeine thing or a weird awake thing but I organized the shit out of where I sleep at my aparment, made the bed spick and span and then proceded to take a nap. I organize my back pack and fit cameras notebooks and books into fitting places, I guess I feel good about it, maybe the way james might feel when he loads up his bag. things that fit just feel good. good good good. its nice to find out that sam stopped drinking too, I was like ME TOO! we'll see I don't think I could turn down the beer on the rooftop of jakes 하숙 but I don't drink like THAT. get it? my last day in honk kong was so depressing due to bad thoughts, bad vibes, tired brains, and the beer that hit me too hard. even a beer can bring it to an all time low. I wish I had some of this organized, paragraph style, makes it easier to read.

amar I know somebody thats shipping a s65 to korea, I'll probably ride in it someday. speaking of material things is my point. during my crazed mind trip I destroyed all meaning in material. whats the point? once you have it it just turns into more junk. riding in a sports car, you feel the pull, hear the exhaust but once your just rolling you forget what you are riding in. its just another car and another something for a person to judge you on an image. if what you are buying is so you can seem to be judged better, than its stupid, and the person thats judging you isn't worth trying to impress.

i'm happy my dad is letting me stay at my grandmas, shes on a long trip to america. my family is gathered in jersey in prayer for my cousin, shes in Gods hands right now I hope for the best.

I'm going to live a simple life. its to much to try and live richly. filling your life with things that don't matter, what money buys. surround by the riches things on earth was my day today, maybe me smile a little. the fun of it, and the how its so not me of it. what makes me smile is rumadging through all the junk i've collected, papers, notes, pictures books little toys things that bring back memories. thats why I have so much stuff here, cause I've brought a ton of memorable junk to keep to thinking. i'm hungry, always hungry. gosh. latersss

passion, finally felt it again today. yesterday I got to pats aparment and grabed my guitar after chillen for a while. I couldn't put anything together, cause I wan't to put songs together so I can play with jake. i played songs and it bored me, I couldn't feel it, it was just blah nothing.

today this morning after waking, packing and chilling I grabbed my dads guitar. before I feel asleep last night I didn't try playing, but I tried learning. I put two fingers down and played a simple chord, hearing what it meant. switched my finger positioning, fret positioning and strummed, to hear the hallows of the open notes, the odds of the notes harming together. with that in mind this morning I put those simples chords in a formation and I just played, not caring where myt hands lead next but letting my ear fit the chords together. and I did and I wrote this shit downnn. I just jammed and let go, moving with feeling god damn it felt good again. feeling, I haven't felt in a while, last time was when I jammed with jake, letting the fingers just go. I sang a few words, gave titles and felt even stronger. improvising improvising improvising. good stuff. arightly might have taken care of my thoughts for the past few. later.

first let me tell you how dumb I am. I mean we cause everything I do involves these two foolios I'm traveling with. first let me set up the scenario, arriving or departing towards HK, hannah"do we need multiple reentry to leave HK back into china"? Pat"I don't think so" Me(probably in headphones not caring) as I write they are taking care of our tickets back to korea...yeah i mess things up usually so leave me out. okay as we left HK 40 hours ago to shanhai, it could be official we were deported from china, back to a part of china known as HK wtf. we arrived, couldn't get past customs, were babysat for 4 hours by railway station guards, served lunch and herded back onto another 20 hour train ride back. getting repetitive much? yeah I don't relaly have my thought together. this wasn't the point but this is an update so to say. I've had tons of day dreams, happy and then frustrated, up and down. I felt stupid cause I was asked about the converstion rate, and before I came up with my answer, hannah answered, pat answered, the random guy that walked past me answered. hey can you leave me alone. I'd like to be able to find solitude in my life, I need hours of alone time a day or i'll get on your nerve and you'll be pushing my buttons. maybe thats why I plug in for hours and change batteries constatly, but these people i've been traveling with have been great, really given space and kind of understand my need. and if I've dug my hole in my brain a little far they'll bring me out of it, and sometimes that hole is no bueno so I'm happy to be conscious again. but what am I doing, sitting on a comp when I should be doing something, like taking a walk and just looking at the talllllness of these buildings. sigh I needed a breath. I guess I'll leave my point to my post to another post cause I should be going... okay wait, I woke with a thought, of how these last two months have literally flashed before my life. It'll be a dream when I return back to korea...thank goodness a few days. it really exposed my life, every day was something fresh and something new to be soaking up in, another change in pace and in vision of the lives around me. with it my mind grew and wanted and understood and was confused. never have I understood more and not understood. I've been more comfortable with myself, but i havent felt like such a kid in a long time. I've wanted to grow and purusue my interests but the pace of my life I didn't have anything that could have pushed me to do those things. I guess all I could do was think about it, think about and hope that I can purusue my ceramics when I return, how i'll be able to develop my pictures, how I'll develop something meaningful with the people I cross paths with and show them they mean something. i'll be making a video for my friends through the next couple of months, with the short amount of footage I took while you guys where here, I have a fun idea. we'll see how it turns up. i've never wanted more but wanted to be simplified more. i want to go to school, I want to earn my way through my life, I want and want and want. man I look to far into the future, to much thinking about what I want to do, I do have dreams though and it was great to hear that pat and hannah wanted to be a part of it to when It happens. gosh wheres max and a guitar when you need him, oh ps i'm sick and tired of acoustic guitars...lammeeeeee and I've been listening to harder music, with some more emotion and feeling, artic monkeys how do I put music on my blog. were on our way whats up? 'where going to get some coffee and go check out a travel agency' whats up? i hate you as i asked pat and hannah the same question peace

so I've lost my thought to music. good business sometimes it fuels my imagination, other times it clears it and lets me just groove. hahah love love. I longed to just rock out last night, I mean clubbing hong kong baller!! maybe not, dressed so fly in my sweatshirt and toothpaste stained jeans I hope someone might appreciate my nikes, dirty with them holes in the heals. but I wanted to dress like a hippster, maybe I just want to be a hipster. but nah I'm a skater, i've been classified for years, I mean our friends could have been a group of those kids, but we were always the skater boys, good enough for me.

thoughts thoughts thoughts

i've been doing more than thinking, yesterday was a bit depresseing, as much as I love waking early, doing stretches, pushups and laundry and waking up hannah and pat to their annoyances I needed my full nights sleep and the lack of drives me down down down. no bueno.

man I had a thought I wanted to post, I've lost it. sorry folks.

i've found a bit of myself, buying cds once again I found music. damn you guys with gigs and gigs and gigs i've lost myself to those librarys. but no worries I find good music within them so once I have an address i'll depend on you guys to send me some albums you think i'll like.

so I bought a four tet cd, two belle and sebastien, a alecia keys unplugged, pretty good kreeble, nirvana unplugged in new york, artic monkeys, like my fav of this bunch. i have a small stack going i'll keep you posted.

and as i'm sitting here at this comp, in the guesst house office ready to check out cause its noon, theres plates and plates of food thats like so inviting, but its beef and hotdogs and a big bowl of broth, i've been doing good okay this is blahblahblah peace.

this is personal read at your own knowing.

so I did deactive and reactivate my facebook acount. if I ddin't feel a want to get to friends, I duno what its about that page that makes my head spin. hmm strange though. i'll probably disappear off of it periodically, just for fun. it was nice, being busy and away from the internet for a few days, 33 hrs into china from laos on a bus, 14 hours from kunming in the yunnan province to guilin in the guanxi province, to where I am now cold and sitting on a comp at our hostel, which happens to be pretty swank...shall I take a picture fr you folks?? so im bored, mixed inbetween my life. maybe I just don't have anything of what I need, my mom, my les paul, a place to call home. I do have 6 or 7 cds that have been listened to one to many times on this trip, i'm with these two people that know all my manurisms like no other and happen to mock them constantly keukeu fuckers cause i know they might read this eventually. so what should I write about?? i've got some good stuff, lots of time to think yknow, but its like what do I want to tell you. I pondered relationships...you know the quality of face book, it lets you 'keep in touch' but what does that mean? like what you write, it really doesn't bring you anywhere closer, it just doesn't seem to. but it doesn't hurt either but when the time comes where we are together, none of it will matter and it will be just as it was. so till the time where I make sure you have my email, and I have yours, i'll just periodically delete my facebook account..k?
so you, i'm not ready to be friends with you like I said. i'm still hurt and I don't look at you the same. i don't appreciate you. you were my best friend why would you treat me so thoughtlessly and carelessly. i was just another boy when I thought i was that special. you know I loved you man, for those years you helped me grow, you gave me appretiation for conversation broke my shell was patient in getting to know me. you showed me what it means to spend quality time together just hanging out, talking, walking, chillen. I loved just being with you, you brought out the optomistic, the happy loving friendly and outgoing me. damn I wish I still saw you like that. but thanks it was you not me. you told me you liked me, you kissed me and you where the one not picking up your phone. I got the tail end of the rope you handed me. you ignored me for months when I loved you the most, when I wanted to just see you the most, talk to you the most, hug you the most. i don't look at you the same. it hurts cause I used to be able to tell you everything, I used to see you beautifully, a great person, so fun, outgoing, getting deep when it mattered, fucking interesting and so fucking cool i used to call you my best friend love, you took a piece out of me and now thats lost, you dno't have it either and you'll never get it back till this boy here heals. i thought I could have called you when I needed someone, but now your not that girl. your not that girl i'll want to invite to my sisters wedding so i could have a killer dance partner, your not that girl i'd want to live for. your just another one of those people i'm trying to get out of my life.. isn't that sad? and thats getting bitter, i'll say what up if i see you playing ultimate, but i'm not making any more efforts, you don't deserve it after this. your spring break fling less than a week hanging otgether was worth degrading our years of friendship to where I can't even... I guess I could see some goodin that, where we wouldn't have worked. you couln't treat me good to have me. you didn't deserve the time I put into you. and yet you still have me expressing my pains to you, trying to get over you, when u dont even think of me. the sweet and the sour, this 07 summer was amazing wasn't it Krew?? we bonded so well together, chilled and built such strong relationships with each other, I guess it couldn't hvae been that sweet without the sour of you, I duno if you read this, and its time for you to hurt a little cause to me you don't care. period. I hope this causes a reaction. no i'm not ready to be friends with you, so take care of yourself i'm bigger than that and i'm going bigger now. i'm not saying any more, till you come up with some shit to make me care. to make me see that what our friendship was does even matter. i'm over you, over our friendship and thats bitter and cold and what your getting. fuck it i'm done.

my strongest relationships have been built on friendship. lately i've lost touch of that root foundation to how meaningful it is to have a good friend. and to that one i'm expressing good things to, I hope I get my chance to get to know you one step at a time as friends, and I hope we'll be cool, cause thats what friends are. just cool. it always takes me a bit to come around. thanks yoseb that was some good advice and pretty understandable too hey I tahked him in a previus post so long ago, I should dig thta up. so to my friends I do miss u all very much, and its fun having you guys work your ways into my mind, randomly and cooly i sometimes take a laugh and definantly an appreciation because of the opportunities He has given us, for the paths he has had me take to allow me to meet you, to actually know who you are in the mix of soo many people in the world. to have a thought of you, an exisitence and a presence. man because without him...to me you wouldn't know, you wouldn't know me, you wouldn't be reading this. appreciate that shit whether you take another perspective on it, appreciate it. sigh i feel sad but thtas okay i'm calm and pretty good, but sad.

but what to know something new?
i've been working my way to becoming a vegetarian..
i've stopped buying packs of cigarettes and pretty much kicked the habit, except for the fluke of having one today for some unknown reason...but i did blow smoke rings for you guys o o o o just like that.
i'm working on stopping substance abuse. its going farely well to, it just hurts my mind, body and soul. leads to worse things than good, we'll see i'm still setting my boundaries.
i just need to get on the cardiovascular, i can barely take a good solid breath and exhale before i need another.
maybe its the pollution...k
geut (end)

and how was it, cause i feel better now. does this get you thinking, does this make you miss me? can you see me, hear me feel me anything inspired? i put time and patience and thought. i put me in where I feel most comfortable. I never doubt myself here. this is where I am me at my me most, at all different times of day, differen't emotional states, this is me your getting here. I wrote a wonderful email a little bit back, only one to him, 2 3 weeks later one to me, 2 3 weeks later one back to him. reading his email I could feel his thought into the writing. I could nearly hear the words saying that stuff as I read. do you feel the same?? Its been a while sine i've appreciated conversation, appreciated silence, appreciated a handshake, and appreciated a friend. he was the only friend that iIi made on my exchange...it feels like that. thats not true. but god damn 2 weeks and i've never felt i've understood or been that understood by anybody else. ps i'm nt fucking gay

so to prove that, which one of you girls wants to make this boy feel needed? who can hit me that hard to make me care for you? to take my time and effort to get to know you? we'll see what you throw at me. i'll just walk that path and maybe your path will meet mine. I hope so. but God he knows I've got to put my effort in, i've got choice hes making things work out smoothly along the path. hes really shown me great things, and shown me some terrible things whre I know I can't go, fuck that shit i'm changing for the better. heard the term bored as hell? yeah me and him..we talked about that, and he showed me that. but he also showed me whats good, the passion towards the people I love, and how close they are to my heart, and how much they matter to me it was the most amazing time i've had and it was in a sense and put a miracle. I hope I get another chance with that, i'll just keep trying.

ps when i get back to korea, every other post with be in hanguk a. laterssss oh yeah gelly since shit doesn't creep you out, me and pat have gtten so close where i said my butt hurt, and hes like thats caue I raped you last night. i'm like that must have been hard, small space 3 stacks up on that train bed. yeah it was tough. ya like? haahaha I think over an hour went into this post. impressive much? wasted much? get a life much? in moderation is the game, peter is the name. hopefully i wnot be on for a nother 3 days...! fuck you facebook! hahah

so what do I look like right now?? sitting at a comp with some redonk headphones pressed over my gray knitted stocking cap. dressed in layers tshirt, black hiking liner, and my simple gray sweatshirt. I have a thin windbreaker of navy blue, light blue gray and light gray plaided with two hanging bags. one of a striped blended assortement of colors blues browns purples grays and a second bag that wont fit anywhere thats to be given to my mom...hopefully I will be able to give it. its been stiched together by some local laos people and so I did my part in supporting the local businesses. my hair is still long and my skin is brown. my left wrist is covered in bracelets from my travels, a leather one of brown and chocolate brown, a small tie bracelet of red brown and white. another small stiching of pink orange blue white and green and a thicker wrapped bracelet of dark brown tan red and light brown that have been very faded from wear in the ocean. last of all one from a korean temple of small round beads of shades of blues greens yellows browns and jades and on my right rist is a silver bracelet and a small white tie bracelet. still rock a pair of worn out nike sb classics, could use a new pair real soon. I'd like to learn to make these bracelets. we visited a small quilting and silk making village today, bought a bunch of small goodies to give to peoples, sorry maybe not you guys :( but like I said my mom. this probably isn't descriptive but thats aright, I could use work on my images. well 33 hours and we're in china, let chya know. peace and loves oh and i've been dying to listen to ocean man all day, and now i'm finally doing it.

fuck you (not you)

okay so girls waste my mind space. waste is that right? yes i'd say so, cause thinking about them doesn't get me places. okay so I could have filled my mind with useful stuff, building knowledge so I CAN make a difference, instead i've boozed my wed.thurs.fri.sat.nights instead of chilling at a library. okay so our world is going to shit, on the large scale, we're doomed. cya i'm going to heaven after this what do I care?? fuck. cause I do. so I finally am getting some shit together, pursuit of knowledge and my interests. My to be never declared or existent major of raising "environmental awareness through mixed media" if I attend the U I will do this so I can continue pursuing all of my interests in art and environmental studies. Okay so my concern, food conservation thanks to my friend maudie, she can cover that for me, okay check. efficient use of resources is a big deal! thats where i'd like to stand, design a efficient home, self sustaining with i'm shallow on this subject, what i've been out of school for 2 semesters. 0reuse and filter waste water back into a pond or something where algae can clean it up along with different plants there good for that. have rain gardens, see theres a big deal with visual appearance, in presence of nature people are just happier, the air is happier, vibes feelings everything. 0sustain energy through solar panels and geothermal mesures of power and heating and are getting affordable for your homes, its a good investment it pays itself off in 10 years! I think ceramic tiles absorb heat?? and nice insulated windows can be beautiful and very efficient in keeping warm in, cold out and the stylish outcropping thing over the windows cuts out high light and lets in low light, keep summers cooler and winters warmer word.. promote renewable resources, solar and wind power are solid there are so many foundations raising money to help put through different bills to help save the environment.i worked for one..you guys know any?? oh yeah TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS!! and COMPUTERS, UNPLUG OUTLETS, limit your long ass hot shower, turn heating down during the night, bundle up,I hould speak for myself, DO THESE THINGS PETER!!! YOU FUCK. cause i'm in a room with like 20 computers that probably don't get shut off. eat more vegetables than meats, support organic farms and markets, anyways the quality is where its at so its just worth it. next post I'll go off on what I knw about the amazon, stay posted they are so inefficient in land use, sons of bitches won't stop cutting that forest down, slashing and burning you fucks I wish I could shoot you myself. biofuel, okay read up on this briefly that it could be efficient if land that already has been degraded to a point hwere food cannot be grown on could be used to grow other biomatter then it could actually be sustainable. like minnesota praires for example. but if we're feeding 6 billion people on agriculture and try to support fuel as well..thats near impossible, so much more land would have to be degraded and all that carbon would just be released and cause more harm. fuck we are doomed. haha jk. okay so i've got raising awareness, theres a guy from UMD that filmed his bike journey through alaska and parts of canada, and people have been using his video to show the way we look at the wilderness. his example, how can we show how much water will appear when the greenland icecap melts? an image of five billion soda glasses should put things into perspective. art and these medias are great for opening peoples minds, helping them see for themselves what the FUCK is going on in this world. but blah blah blah i'm going to write a research paper upon going to korea, i'll let you know. here if you actually care http://www.alternet.org/environment/76053/
http://www1.umn.edu/umnnews/Feature_Stories/Extreme_film.html
http://www1.umn.edu/umnnews/Feature_Stories/The_dark_side_of_biofuels.html
http://www.conservationfund.org/midwest/minnesota
bitches the world that is
PEACE! i'm out and thinking

word

intense umm while I was exiting out xing out screens i stopped at my face book, and a couple messages noticed me. and its like woe i'm talking with them, I don't have to take it out on the quality comunicating, its the quality put in that matters. holy shit!!!! hahahahahahai'm getting out so I can find a quiet place to geek out. later

the most beautiful thing

so okay I was walking, wait I wan't to ask something first? I was thinking this was a good way to relieve some of my pressures, I mean telling through writing is probably my best way of communicating, and if communicating is key for getting good then this is a good way. woe hahaha umm where was I..oh yeah since these are all my thoughts and stuff, but I looked at is in relieving but do I talk about other things too? well my point was wait my posts others seem a little hurried compared to this one. I'm actually hearing my voice inside your heads while you read...hahahaha creepay but thats some like movie business stuffhaha naw its cool if you don't have me narrarating. okay so the point are my blog entries a little more on the negative side, okay woe so I was going to use this word(word in this sitch means there was a differen't word I was going to use)word to yo motha. umm its good to reflect on the I mean not good but likee its okay to reflect on the negative things, but you can only briefly let it come in and get out, its good to reflect but its i hit a wall, like brick straight in the face hahaha imagine that, but yeah I had that thought and then yeah its up in the air. okay so like I was saying to bhaug I thought of this song man youtube doesn't upload and now mr. marley is in between lyrics, wtf. nice paused and allowed for uploading. okay today we were diving off a tree into this lagoon thing that looked like a wide stream but as deep as 4 meters, how yeah how...(three dots here means I was going to use a word; cool amazing lame ass fuckin adjectives. weird I'm like changing periods and commas to like quolents or whatever. wow I haven't seen the entirity of this page that i'm writing, okay its skkippin again i totally got pumped on mfdoom talib kweli oldschool rools, and its loading, yeah bitches at home with itunes go click on that shit, while I wait to upload this bBULL SHIT. speaking of which a cow that had horns, also known as the bull??was challenging us in a field, word. hsahah okay my last post totally contradicts any fucknn blah blha okay well I was going to reply to this message, but just as I was trying, I was like this is hard I can't do that right now. woe my fingers are moving themselves and i see this tiny flicking of the scroll as like each letter is pressed and I'm just watching this little thing move across the screen, homerowwoe I lost it or a second but i plugged in old school rules and its live and skipping and yeah not so bomb so you folks with itunes hopefully you've got a nice lil subwoofer and bump this shit. i hope this time is moving slowly, I don't know how much time has passed since I've started this. okay i'm in no hurry but i'm supposed to soak and not be writing on this computer, peace go take a walk.

hmm

so i'm in vien vieng laos. its weird that I should be using the interenet so much. oh well. its a bit complicated, tuning back into what kept me attached to most of the world. communication...i've wanted to delete my facebook, still I resist. I send emails and there aren't returns...from my sister, my dad, I guess i've ignored messages to. its weird I suppose. its the anticipation thats the most annoying, but this is just a dumb subject. its almost invading looking over and seeing someone reading my blog...I loved this thing but maybe its getting old to me, maybe I'm just starting to hate the internet, who knows, probably the complicated things of life that make my life more conjested, if I could have addresses and send letteres, I would enjoy that very very much, but I don't even have an address so how would I receieve anything back. trippy okay so I forgot I had this head set on and I thought this music just started playing in this room, weird. okay so we didn't eat happy pizza, good thing cause i'd rather not get stoned.. so theres so many people in the world, how do you know when someone is that special where you'd just want to stop and love one person for the rest of time? hmm I think I can love manys of people, like I love you guys, and I'm going to keep loving people. I guess thats good to know. I had some crazy thoughts, spend all my money in china, use the last bit on the train to tibet, and disappear for a few years...ahhh ideal ahhaha maybe not. its kind of running away, no not running away but letting go sick and tired of the same things I'm exposed to. change is good, but where are you? I would like to scream my silent FUCKKKKKK but theres to much light. oh these two dudes got wasted on some local booze we don't know what it is, embarrsed to I have to express this, they went streaking, and to the laoscian people that saw them instead of all the travelers that were supposed to, I appologize. haha bad grammer at its best hollarrrrrr you think you know but you have no idea! thats a quote from a fav skate vid of mine, I actually don't know what it means, but it helps to put up my front, you don't know me, but thats only sometimes I do that. blah blah blah

maybe this'll help

i havent put much thought into it today, i had a wonderful lovely amazing and fun day meeting korean folk and making friends that I look forward to seeing again. coming down to it i'm still girl crazy, with eyes narrowed I can't seem to divert them...even if it was for the better of us, meh can't understand feelings all the time. but I do love koreans, so if you do happen to cross paths to me i'd love to get to know you hahah. its official I can barely keep from smiling when I'm around them, and they make me feel just fine. still i find i'm understanding more of me on this trip, knowing that i'm just another person but I do things my way, which may be a little differen't. anyways maybe i'll try and attend a korean university, I mean i'm going to try and attend a korean unis but if it doesn't work out i can head to the wonderful state of minnesota to continue all my wildest desires in education, which is broad like no other. hahah I pushed onto one of the koreans chillen, and in that accented voice saying i'm chillen is the cutest and coolest thing EVER! haha anyways I find taking pictures of temples boring, but at least i've inspired into taking pictures again, last 3 or 4 days i've taken like 10 not what i'm trying to go for, whered the inspiration go? to much to much, anyways I was inspired, its all a part of telling my story when I head back home so I need these pictures to help me out, so ya know I gotta keep snapping them photos. I could go for a tripod too thatd be nice. anyways I was on the road to quiting these little sticks o death, I could live a long life but damn these could shorten my life, I'll quit you soon its all an addiction in the mind, like smoking pot it took pain and hard work to quit that shit, but still the influence can be strong and sometimes its getting hard to say no, pat quit it I don't want to eat that fucking happy pizza again...wish I could say some shit like that hahaha, but its all a part of the trip I suppose, anyways vientiene laos is very chill, good people willing to feed me at a cheap price, and making me smile while the cute little child greeses and flips my egg covered rice on sticks, lao sausage and spring rolls, and oh yeah she even opened my beer for me, which I don't drink that much but it is a tasty beverage especially when thirst and greesy food is in hand. well I was liek super nice today, I bought one of the koreans a small souvenier for equivalence of a couple dollars, and bought like a shit ton of street food to giev us a snack, and guess what it felt damn good. speaking of which cause and effect, action reaction, good things done are bound to be welcomed to me again, good things happen to good people. nice. i've got alergies in this pc room and i'm sneezing so loud, it feels nice. and my nose is clogged. fuck. umm ehough with the swearing but hey i'm listening to rico loop check em up yo. coming down to it this did help, I was a bit self conscious on this little thing as an email sort to say, and no reply comes and soemtimes these things get to me, but i'm chill now i suppose, and i'll just stay chill, whatever happens happens and doesn't happen any other way, is a good way Ilike to put it, just keep doing what I'm doing and do what makes me happy, and whats natural, do whats natural, and I do love natural, nature stuff like that. pushing for stuff doesn't work in my book, whatever comes my way i'll take it and go with it, with some acceptance and stuff along the way it usually works out in the end. anyways I'm having a good time, how about you folks? take it easy yo.

hmm

so were just chillen in a inet room and I suppose I'll take this time to dish one out. I don't think i've taken more time ever to consider my feelings, and there all over the fucking place hahah. and I take a moment to be like, hey I havent felt that before...like watchin that scary ass movie and freaking out in the theatre with hannah and pat, or laughing to myself a few nights ago when the simple things a friend can say really brings you up hahha. now i'm exploring more of communication, trying out words and butchering them, expressing some feelings to people I should reserve from, and seeing where it takes me I suppose. I tipped at the small cafe this morning and the lady gave me a nice smile and said thanks, even when she left she was smiling to us and I think it actually made a difference in that dollar or two I gave. due to going to the bathroom walking through there bakery there was a small child sitting and I was like hmm help the business out a bit, along with the dozen cookies I bought hahah how can I resist? like so much food out here its delicious and different, i never got into indian food but the curries have been delicious, thai food is pretty good to but my heart belongs to korean food...how I miss! sorry to rub it in but I think this is the longest i've gone EVER WITHOUT KOREAN FOOD. GREAT THE CAPS BUTTON IS STUCK WTF! hahahh oh nm. so Hanoi was a big travel buzz kill, weather sucked, food was mediocre, people were hustling and It was good to leave! period. now were in laos after a 20 hour bus ride that smelled like feet stuck against plastic chairs boxes of junk and luggage and people, comfy right..I should have taken a picture but it wasn't anything special, just a day in the life of pedo kang. yeah right i've never done this shit before. I lost my thought damn. oh yeah arriving at the border was cool, it was foggy and dream like, we'd walk and pat and hannah would disappear into the fog, it was drizling and we were super tired and way out of it, I took a couple pics for you guys to see. it was actually really beautiful, a wonderful stream, clear and fresh reminding me of koreas streams, I'm going to do a but load of getting out when I get back there, and it was foreseted, jungle like. man I want to get away. well we've got each other 24 hours a day, and like pat put it its a bit something you fill the word aright guys, like I don't even get 2 hours alone and thats my at least number of hours I need alone. the romance is gone from our relations ships as well, embarrsing sorry man but one of our traveling friends to save embarresment was using the toilet and cause our door was busted wouldn't slide closed and we just heard blahldflbpoooffdslafjas hahaha cause that makes any sense hahah and we started laughing and the persons all like hey! hgahah you accept and understand the person for who they are, or else you wouldn't be able to get along. even when we were super baked, yes that pizza got us high.. and I was in that other mind state analyzing my friends, it didn't change anything cause I understood who they were and they udnerstood me so that was reassuring, even when my manurisms where changing and my stories get all layered and flustered I was able to speak through it and get to my point word. but I still go introverted and spoke quietly to a point where nobody could here and when asked to repeat I say nothing, like its nothing, thats annoying to me, accentuate! yeah yeah i'm not trying to get baked tho that should be a thing of the past bad bad bad. like me saying i' want to go grab a drink is any better, its all substances, but I mean that drink is sometimes chill, and leads to something else in the night, mayube meeting other travelers or getting into interesting converstaion, of coarse you can do it sober to but its just differen't maybe. what do you think? anyways I wouldn't mind partying with my friends back home, getting roughty and shit like that hahah. but till then thats another time. well latersssss. oh yeah I developed more rolls, they disappointed me, but I should give them anotehr second opinion, yeah but they were earlier rolls so I'm getting better with my camera after each roll, holla good news. well peace

oh the places you'll go

okay so Im trying to soak and not suck. does that make sense? almost to the point where I wan't to be a part of where I am, to a point where I don't take pictures, don't say a word but just be present. To look and soak in what is around me, the people, the differences in life, the quality of life, the simplicity of things compared to what I would call home. They must live completely different lives but that doesn't change feelings, their still happy, with friends and family, full of joy and love. They go through hard times, difficulties sitting outside in the cold, trying to make the days pay, to feed family and continue living, thats gotta be tough. i'd say I have it pretty good with my 8.50 an hour green house job, i'd say I have it easy too comparted to some of these people. but thats something else and I'm from a differen't place so its good experiencing this life, their life. I don't know what else to say for it. but back to not sucking, I 've nearly lost the will to take photos, I don't want to be identified as a traveler, when I stay plugged in and just meander and wander, i'm Veit haha YEAH RIGHT! but when I take out a camera, when I say anything to my friends, we're already classified. thast the thing thats to bad, language, man it'd be benficial to study out of a book for a month before hitting these places up, I think that'll be something I'll try and do in the future, just to make an effort instead of being this american who makes you try and speak his language.. and plus we get ripped off but whats it matter to me i've got money right? wrong i'd rather buy more or tip more not be fooled and schooled into just giving my money to them, I mean life is cheap here, but I'm trying to live this life. but anyways i'm wearing gloves cuz its cold in this internet room, and theres kid playing games and dude smoking cigarette, and me sitting and writing. its a grungy little run down spot down some random narrow alley way, but I hope its nearly dinner time, cause i'm always hungry. I hope pat feels better, we've classified his symptoms as travelers diaharea, that sucks. I have fought a cold I had coming with soups and fruit, i haven't come down with this bacterial; bull shit. lets hope for the best that I don't. well were just chillen in hanoi, sitting at another cafe, staying up late waking up late, thats just today...and catching flicks, a jack nicholson one a bit older he was quite young and then were going to see another tonight hannah probably has the names of hte movies I just dont' remember. arighty i'll catch you guys later. peace