Thursday, March 26, 2009

hongdae ib gu exit 5

the crate in which the vampires and felines come out at night. to walk with warying eyes, with a look of blood that directs to bare legs. 8 oclock and a wise man will walk with narrow diverted eyes. its where nothing but shadows cover the yellow streets, making a connect the dots of street lamps, to the next underground hide away they can steer to, hiding in the depths once again. hardly are these creatures seen in the day, when light is shining in a real ray. the night tries to last and claws at the backs of unassuming prey, hurting to consume into the following.
get out of my neighborhood you rats. feeding on the scraps of shallowness that are given. leave.

a bird sings and an alarm buzzes. one arises and rolls around thinking and speaking, reading and writing. crawls up hits a button, runs water and heads onto the hill. up one round another down a hundred steps, hongik university where 8 o'clock is quiet, and 9 o'clock is bustling with those running sensibly for they should not be late. to stand on a cross walk safely and unassuming, waiting for as joyful as a puppy run across the street, safely and purposely. to walk inward where a ray may yet enter to encourage and inspire. to seek a quiet spot, a near by one can rest a bag and take a seat, expect to run into someone familiar. in the days. come back.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

how come the teacher that ends up changing your life is the teacher that gives you the hardest time. mr johnson, why did I score a 1 on each of those essays? I still dont even know. And why if your a gyopo just like me, let me write that 10 page ceramic paper in english? but all in all I have to do it, so I'm going to do a damn fine job. but dang its going to be hard, 10 pages. including chinese rooted words and college level grammer when I comprehend like a chodeung haksaeng. gotta give me some credit, i'm not that baddddd. I'm waiting for the heater to get some warm water running so I can take a shower. I'm loving my classes, i'm confused and now things are getting straightened out. got my hand solid and comfortable wedging clay, now I have to get centering back down to the middle and comfortable cause I'm super confused in my centering identity. taught one year by mr braun one way, by nancy the second year another way, using an opposite hand years down the line by a korean teacher. oh boy maybe I just need to practice haha. which I did today I went in at like 10 pm, it was awesome I had the whole wheel throwing room to myself plugged in and just looking at wow, your moving clay again how awesome. Its pretty much spring I came home right after my first class cause I really wanted to get my homework done but on the way I walked past some branches and there were these tiny green buds forming and I was at a loss, but then I chilled out said it'd only take 10 minutes and grabbed my sketch book and took a short walk, spinning occasionally because everything made me feel in the presence of absolut beauty. I wish you were there with me, but i wonder if those feelings are sharable, its been a while since I've just been absolutely happy and free and in that much wanting to grasp everything with somebody. last time was probably in amsterdam with max in the park close to the van gogh museum... how did we end up walking there? that was amazing absolutely wonderful. i've got a korean tudor tomorrow and I'm excited for it. I'm actually doing homework and its wonderful learning so very slowly but it amazes me because that one thing I learn pops up during my day through a teacher, class, or friend. fun. its like you can only do to the amount you know, goes for a lot of things. sort of interesting that i dont fill my brain enough sometimes. I keep myself busy, and i dont know if this is a good thing. i think so but it doesnt seem like I just have enough time to space, a days worth to just give myself time to be like okay yeah this is spur the moment but I think i'll do that. i've got like a couple hours here and there and that doesnt really give me enough but its better than nothing. running circles. great. umm I ordered a desk today, crucial. walked down the street and was like how much does a desk cost to make...ohh really, aright yeah that sounds good better than that premade one and that used piece down the street. I got hunted on the street today walking to my school at night. waiting at the cross walk i was approached and was told, my friend is into you, can we have your number? I was going to say something in the line of umm this is really really weird and I think your a little crazy but instead i told them in a korean american and put my phone number in their phone, only in korea...weird. and they proceeded to text message me which I proceeded to shebeoh. maybe i'll text back for some korean writing practice... I didnt even get a look at the girl that was supposedly into me...moving on. theres a small group of girls that are quite nice in my major. and its so sad in a funny way... cause we were pretty much forced to hang out with the seniors which proceeds to heavy drinking for most... way because there like pre i want to just go home, and I too so we get seated at a long table and at the end is this girl who is just fin wild not obnoxious but likes drinking just a little to much. so I started to notice nice quiet geun ah start smiling and drooping out of existence and I'm just like oh boyyy. as i proceed to not drink rubbing alcohol and 5 year old not eating peas it under my seat as I turn to sunny who has to take this mixture o death and I proceeded to take it from her, bad news man. I mean i'm fine but poor girls drinking in this culture is ruthless. when I got seated in between two girls in the group I started speaking to an upperclassmen that jokes to much to me so I just speak in ban mal to her usually, and then those two girls start screaming in my year to say yo at the end of my sentences so I freak out in my head which proceeds to me jumping over the booth to say I'm leaving. I was looking for an excuse and the one thing that drives me insane is screaming girls, more than anything I can think of as of now that will make me leave. jaemesuh? no. umm. I'm looking to sophomore year. my year of gosaeng to where I'll be able to understand my classes, be able to communicate my arts meaning, and write papers. where I'll be comfortable enough to not suck up by showing up to dumb events and hopefully have some close friends which I do have but all i'm saying is a little different. someone at school who I can bounce with and push each other. but 10 pages. ha its nothing look at me rambling now i've got my structure laid out now I just gotta get my research done, write, translate, write and translate, then have mijung nuna help me with grammatical mistakes and voila lee jin sam I sucked it up and it suck a lot but thank you.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

so its been nearly a month. I cant even remember what i wrote about last. I got out of the shower just now and I'm laying in bed with this thing on my lap. Hmm so I start school tomorrow. I wasnt as so ambitious to take a lot of courses I might have done if I had been able to do it all by myself, some interior or furniture design that I really look forward to taking in the future, painting and drawing and perhaps a chinese character and art history course as my korean improves. But i'm none the less uber excited for a lot of my courses. Tomorrow at one I have glass working, which should start out very basic, probably glass finishing and cutting and that sort, one of my upper classmen brothers or hyungs is a really good glass worker, probably easily blows out hideaway for the most part. anyways he said he would let me know when they are going to be blowing cause they only do it a few times a year due to costs and gas and labor and so forth. he told me that I'll probably end up going to one of the professors home to work on the wood kiln which I'm SUPER happy about, nothing like staying up all night, hawling wood into a 1800 degree kiln. YES. So i'll have wheel throwing, hand building, mixed media and then some randoms like spanish... english writing...reading... and a movie class! to get by I probably should be aiming for As in those classes and probably my art classes as well, e'll see that'll be the day. So I skipped orientation and the first day I met my major (departments and freshman students) I walked in to help clean the studio, and there were like 30 little girl faces looking at me making me feel super akward and there like your the only boy in your incoming class for you major...great. youd think so but totally not. i feel akward, out of place, and it helps but totally doesnt help that i'm older cause there all like obba obba and I'm like uhhh what? but the upperclassmen are like my age so thats really cool cause they're doing a great job of helping me out and just letting me stick around them. Maybe I'll take my camera around and show you what my school is all about. I'll let you know. so its good being back in korea. I hope to go to cambodia again this coming winter, and hopefully in the summer some of my friends will be back to visit me here where I call home now. fantastic. you should come too. anyways things are neat, and changing, but developing. things that are in me, just wanting to be refined, lots of skills that are really to be growing and a lot of just personal things to be shaken off and developed onto as well. it'll be a good and challenging ride. Minnesota was really weird. it was amazing seeing my friends and loving with them and catching back up, but personally it was a really hard time, facing old memories and having to decipher and then having to throw out and move on. I'm not stepping foot into my minnetonka house again...thats crazy to me. we'll see it should be good all together though, but I dont think i'll be home for another two years, what more will have changed in that time, I wont think much but i hope my friends would have grown more, and have more interests and passions and desires and skills and loves and good things in their lives. direction and so forth, how exciting. anyways my sleep schedule has been nice. 7 or 8 hours on the money, in bed around 12 and waking up with a nice warm sun. theres a park with trees and a decent view of hongdae and the neighborhoods from on top of the hill right out my door its nice. id run but its yellow dust season, I think that stuff is making me all clogged up and stuff, gross. but we'll see maybe tomorrow will be nice. I have to meet my department at 4 and I hope we get food together but I hope they dont go drinking. cause then i'll have to say I have to leave and feel all akward and things like that. Its so hard. its not like I dont not drink, but its like i dont go out. it just isnt appetizing and i've got so much more I need to be doing. we'll see i've committed it in myself but I just need to be shaped in that way now. wonderful. and plus with 30 girls, whether they are younger or not its still just room for error so I have to be super careful not to even get close to crossing lines. schword. the quest for better, patience, purity. its a hard road. but I think its uber worth it. keeps me sane, and healthy, and seeking in better places. just reassuring what I'm thinking, its been a fairly smooth with minor turbulence ride for a good bit now. good. so I might end up taking a bunch of language courses. fun. but its weird cause I havent signed up korean language cause i didnt see it... I should probably find that cause i have a lot ot learn. but I could just jump into the fire and learn in the school of hardknocks. okay fine I usually end up learning the hardway anyways so k next semesester i'll do it. courses i'm intimidated by here i come. and student groups, i think the photography club is overrated, I think in a sense it all just turns into drinking clubs, wheres somethign sincere. this is something sincere, my old frisbee hyung called me the other day asking if I wanted to go to jejudo for a tournament in april, I was like I gotta think about it but ended up calling him back 20 minutes later asking when we practice, confirming I can make them, and comitting to this tournament. I'm going to be playing ultimate again!!! and i feel a little nervous like how I get when I'm lined up 7 facing 7 ready to recieve, but whatever this is so fun and it gets me in such good shape I dont care how competitive it gets i'm in. wonderful. hopefully it'll be a grass tournament, so i can lay out nice and long and get those nice grass stains. and I hope to sky some fools hollar and mark some handlers and get some stall counts. yes sir yes sir it should be exciting. that was my life in college, but now that i have a balanced opportunity to play again no way i'm turning it down, and i can wear my light and dark ugly duckling jerseys again, which are sick and everybody wants to trade. i know, we're awesome... for life. word. well I could be wrapping up I dont think theres that much else going on. everything is so new right now, yet its only the same old life.. interesting. kk cool catch ya later.

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