cause I'm wasting time

chipped 5 sd VW 1.8t Jettas are able to get apprx 40 mpg highway. amazing isn't it? and that was with an close to 45 minutes of traffic.

I think the tank is around 14 gallons. from minneapolis to duluth was around 150 miles, going approximately 70 75 mph you get up there in like 2hours. I filled up in duluth with 91 octane and drove back to minneapolis using a 1/4 of a tank!

and we're selling that car....what a pitty.

everybody should drive chipped 5 sp vw jettas, or hybrid vehicles, or ride bicycles.

my environmental friendly kinda friendly thing for the day/week.

patronizing my own responsibility

because I'm a kid. I don't know what it means to tackle responsibility. Till the lecture I got from my dad, mind you I like lectures. He says don't wait, if you have something to do just get it done right away. You have to battle with yourself to get the thing done...it'll just make your life easier.

Tell me about it. now i'm not stressing and not worrying but i'm uneasy about my transcripts coming through. If I fuck up the application, i need someone to kick me in the nuts.

so hopefully I can start getting a better habit about this...i missed so many deadlines with my abroad application, and now my hondae application is tminus, at least all I need is those stupid transcripts...but I feel I'll be taken care of.

so my new out look, can do will do get herrr doneeeee

honkee

hes hitting the shit

it feels like hes hitting the bottom.

But how is that possible?

He has a home, a family and a building trust in his father.

But the little things are breaking him.

Like where darkness still likes to hide on the most beautiful of days.

Dragging him down. making him forget where he can turn. losing hope.

and hope is all he needs. His influences his out look. hes going to bring the end to his own.

wheres the other side. he hates this side. and with the view of hate it deepens him more.

dealines are coming up. and the little things he could have done he didn't. now hes just doing everything he can not to worry. Turning to friends, turning everywhere else trying not to think.

but its all a waste if these little things drag him down. all his hard work gone to waste. still its the little things. get up peter. thats better, yak says stay up and I'm like yeahhhhhh fo sho.

i'm sitting in my dads g funks daughter room. on the computer. I've got my cellphone with a northkorean empower dangle and a remote switch to unlock the door. Brown hardwood floors that are almost smooth enough to slide over with bare feet. and could be the coating of dirt on the bottom of the feet that allow that. Hes got the same gray shorts on that he bought in 8th grade for his end of the school year party. grinding with ashley cook made me smile. and this writing is just STUPID, as in yak would say, its just stupid...but maybe you don't get it, cause it doesn't mean exactly what is says. hahah stupid ass tenses.

and I should call sam, cause hes leaving soon, but i'm wasting my time not giving it. I probably wont post this, but probably will. this shits hitting the fan. its just stupid.

i could go for a smoke. hahahha your weak.

or a disc to throw, or something to jam with. what am I doing here. art school. oh yeah...

I'll still try my hardest that way I'll have no regrets. So i'm leaving for the art studio soon. I sent emails in regards to my trasncripts. I got down my dads address so I can recieve my transcripts, i'm going to call my mom tonight to see if she can dig up my diploma and max send me bali shag and some zig zags if your better about sending stuff than I am.

i feel sooo yukk ohhhhhh taking a showaaaaaaaaa and talking like thisssssssss shit I do miss you guys.

so I'm trying my best. Its all i can do. and to turn around my outlook, so I can say yeah I think i'll get in.

I talked with my sister last night, it was good. I'm skipping to the euro with them, but damn I wanna spend new years with max...can you find me a job and a crib for 3 months? Shes like you have just a chance as anyone, if you try your best and use your talents, just have a more positive outlook.

Sam ( teacher in korea) San sAeng Neme says you shouldn't get stressed over this, because its all things you Choose to be doing. Don't think of it as work you have to do, its what you Like to do. ahhhhhh but I'm still a kid so I'll get stressed out. that was then and now is now, so I'm not so stressed out. sometimes get these anxiety attacks, then I chill around and go to bed.

Is it bad to get what you want? when do I start supporting my own butt?

cause hes like you need a laptop..??? i'm like APPLEEE?! haha bad pedo. but James can I buy your laptop yet? okay if you were a dude and were to be given a hot pink apple would you take it? even when you have to take it to cafes and things and things? cause thats an option. thinking FUck yeah I'd take it what are you doing!

annas like leaving t minus. Fbuck. and I gotta go meet hannah t minus so wrap this up yo. whaeva whateva i do what I want.

that is if I get in. but either way i'm taking that trip, I told my mom ages ago I wanted to take a year off, maybe this is some weird subconscious thing God is having me do...but we'll see if he just has me return to minnesota...(really not trying to) or stay in Korea, meh I don't know where my heart lies. but as the pin says save the love, and shes like guard your heart. and shes like wait. okay. and christians like my yonsei kids, you guys wait.

anyways breakfast is the shiznit! maybe i'll show you some pictures...next time... I gotta get down my dads address, so you guys can send me stuff, like my transcript...and diploma...mommmmmm chrissssssssss somebodyyyyyyy and music. okay. go skateboarding. bye

I should go home.

Like to a cabin, where I can have the spins and look at the stars and say I see what your seeing...as hes tripping so many other balls than I am...

I remember but how. having like really good talks on that dock, i mean all docks in general are the place to be. we used to smoke out back at maggies and vanessas, on lake minnetonka letting the sun go down and letting the stars come up. running back to the green grass to throw a disc of just laugh in some good company. or just be all self centered zoned out around a camp fire...negative side to things.

I remember rolling around, nobody would want to drive out to these places, but it was the such a beautiful drive...why didn't I drive more...as my car is about to be sold... winding narrow roads, lakes on both sides, a tunnel of trees and good music and open windows on a spring/summer afternoon. dipping on the stretches pulling on spigs 300. the white night, getting it stuck after trying to drive through snow banks, no knowing what to do just watching max just put foot after foot into feet of snow trying to push that thing out. off roading in amars tahoe and the fucking BUMP we used to hit doing 50 60 making contact with the roof. whipping shitties. climbing on top of byerlys, stealing from shopvac, throwing all we could and making one crazy mess at marks house.

hey kids, you know what they do out here, they get a gas generator and take their amps and guitars and drums and go out to the local park, which is like a concrete play ground here, but they just play music. wtf instead of a concrete playground FUCK I"M NOt home! as i was saying why don't we play outside more?

but this aint no minnesota. where it doesn't become dark till you get into the country. where I haven't laid in grass okay nm I do once a week when I get out of seoul... where you can't j walk laughing and screaming as you do.. where you can buy hard liqour at the local corner store...talk about unhealthy, whereyou go to jail for a joint or two hahah where you can't undestand the news, man I make going home sound so good. but its all the same. I probably miss my friends to death, cause I don't take time to think aobut them. i'm thinking about them now tho. damn if goodbye was that sweet how great is hello going to be. somebody asked me what fuck means, It took like 10 minutes for me to try and say it has many meanings... in all expressions its a sigh and a fuckkkkkkkk.

what am I still doing here anyways? oh yeah your trying to go to this art school, so you can live wiht your mom...mom why do you want to come here, cuz i'm here? this isn't a good place...the air is bad... but if it stops you from being lonely what happens if I don't get in mom? whatever.

i have a lunch meeting gotta head to shinchon by 1. i'm at my dads place, damnnn the bed was comfy, and no fear of cockroaches crawling on me while I sleep.

he thinks i should play cello again, he meaning me and I and my dad agrees with me. music is like medicine, you may not need it everyday, but then theres that day you just NEED it. whatchu gonna do then? pick up an instrument again thats what and not quit.

I watched coffee and cigarettes last night, coffee and cigarettes are not a good lunch, and realizing thats why I havent had lunch a few times in the last couple weeks, seems i've been eating like once a day, but not due to the 커피 와 담배 coffee and cigarettes, just cause I dont feel like eating, Id rather stay in that box of a cell that is my room and twidle around with the things I have. theres some funny lines in that movie anyways, and its like bring up the stereotypes of having coffee and cigarettes, i got uncomfortable and I understood what was happening haha we are a coffee and ciagarette generation...for those who do the combination. not the story of my life but maybe a chapter. I wish I had some rollies, or I wish I just quit. period.

hannah I think its been over a week since I saw you, and I think this will be the first form of communication that we have in a while. but is this communicating if I just talk to you and you read and don't respond back any how? are you coming to art studio today? you should... at least I'll see you tomorrow...right? hahah now I'm just bsing

time is the most important thingyou can give somebody, but at this point i'm giving my time, almost 40 minutes now to this thing. at least people are here to appreciate this. but is this where my time hsould be going? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

on the internet

finally, I think its been a week...almost...maybe so.

whats touched me, was when Christian shared after our conference. He was troubled by one of the messages, the practices, and he said along the lines of, as your pastor I have a responsibility to look after you guys, cover you guys with the Spirit to shield you from harm. and for my yonsei kids theres no question that I have to look after you guys, away from your homes exploring new regions. I guess I was touched to know he cares. so I'm not going to look at different churches, JSEM to put it is my Antioch

so I don't feel confident, but its not my place to be. Its been told that if I work hard, then I can get into Hongdae, my heart isn't really for hongdae in its own, I just want to stay in korea, theres so much more opportunity, I mean minnesota is beautiful, and I still HAVE to go to the boundary waters...but have you guys met australians? haha I love australians... I hope I can stay here, because I can serve, and I can live with my mom, I'm getting close with my dad, I just want to be able to have family around to put first...

I should draw now, I wish I had more time to write, weed out so I do whats important. this is important to me...I want a nyt best seller someday I shouldn't tell you guys my ideas... :)

i want to be playful, like the drops of water rushing in the fountain. to be caught for eternity but never fade away like that image will someday. I kinda want to start being careful of the things I say...and write. Its been like no holding back on this thing, but words are damn powerful. they come from inside out, so theres a reason for things to be said even if you think they don't mean much...but maybe cause I don't talk that much.

except after drinking coffee, drawing for 4 hours, and getting axious and excited to leave while in the presence of a whining hannah, then its opening time for that box of fruit loops.

so continuing, you know, sometimes you make promises without consider the consequences of the promise, whether it be known or not, sometimes your body just makes that promise. that could have been bad...good thing it wasn't taken to that extent. Then my heart was hardened, and I realized I can't do this, and I can't do that. I'm in no age to make that kind of commitment or have it hanging around my head. So I'm pretty much at a point where I'm not going to be so open, and I'm going to have to be careful. Doesn't mean I'm going to let stuff build onto me, I guess I'll just do what comes naturally and what is good. I want to be encouraging to others, not a downer, I'm chill but dont want to be serious, cause I can't really say i'm all that outgoing... but I like people...sometimes....jk hahahah :)

i dont have internet, but I find myself wasting a lot of time, so I'll write this pack up and go. I think I checked email, created the group blog, zoned a bit on the book, wrote some comments, and posted once and writing this. Okay.

So I guess i'm not much of an english teacher...not my gift.., four months and what has that girl learned? so i decided to just pay the tuition and focus on drawing...get me into college... but the studio hasn't opened yet so I've got a few hours left till i can go.

anyways I did buy a dslr...actually kinda really affordable/cheap as cheap goes...but I think i'm going to give it to my dad for his bday, and say dad this is yours, but until you want to use it can I just hold onto it? well he gave me a wine opener that my mom gave him for his bday years ago, but he hasn't physically gave it to me soooooooo....fair right? hahah and a moleskin, I see where i get it from....he wants to write in his retirement...news to me dad I didn't know that. I haven't told my hasuk ajuma but i'm moving out hahaha hannahs like peter! you need to give like a months notice...I was like oh...so I can't move in this weekend? you can move out but you still gotta pay...

dont get mad, get glad...glad wear advertised by this random blog...blahblahblah. hmmm peace! and love and all the things friends say to each other... blahblahblah as ah ah ah with bl bl bl in front of it...who ever knew...