how did hannah win?? hahahahah fuck the rematch

patience is the virtue hahahah shes like please nobody attack me...shut up hannah nobodys going to attack you...

i didn't go to bed tonight, and i'm going on a field trip tminus twenty minutes. a chill night turned out to a 5 person dance party in this random bar, and by the time we walked out the light was out...oh boy. so headed to a pc bang and did this.

hmmm i was super upset a second ago. second time i've been upset today, for a span of five minutes. first time was when i was like i should go home...but called yoseb and he was like come out...so i got all upset that I couldn't make up my mind. but then I was like i'm going home and was prepared to walk out of the subway...but i was like wait i'm going to stay. within a span of 5 minutes. right now I saw my friends posting on each others walls. i haven't done that in a while. i mean i guess its just me. i don't usually say how you been, questions like that just don't mean anything. but they lead to things, like keepin posted. didn't consider that some of my interests would lead to be helpful for them

speaking of which, I write to a audience. as much as I put myself, I purposely lose meaning in words so you guys don't fully understand. but I guess i'll be straightforward.

max posted on amars wall, face books stalks. asking about a camera he wants for his birthday. today i went late to my drawing studio so I could buy film and stare at cameras. but he wouldn't know and I didn't know.

its my fourth day without showering...thats how much I go home...

i've got a sense of me...but right now, in this state i'm in, tired and worn out i feel like you guys might not know me. but is this about what is knowing me, the things you've filled yourself in the past year...maybe not. i guess its the little thing. but is hould let it slide. i wont dwell on it.

it hurts cause it feels my closest friends aren't close. i might be alone. but probably being overdramatic. cause i've surrounded myself with friends always. i'm fieldtripping so I can further surround myself with friends. and I cant make a sense to GO HOME! fuck. cause home isn't even comfortable. but like i'm saying i'm upset right now.

but now on the positive note. my friends are there. always there. so if i'm withdrawing this lack of touch, i can just poke a little bit. so max how you doing?

and now i'm not so upset. weird.

i didnt sleep...or shower... i have to go home today...its official...or else you might kill somebody...from your smell...shes just kidding" this was a great day...and i'm super happy I didn't go home.

super infatuted with the coolest girl ever! and I didn't take my eyes of her even through all the random talk she talked through...shes just that cool! goshhhh

drawing is decen't

pottery is going well

should work harder in drawing

whers my vodka cruiser????hahahah

hahah 10 minutes till i

hannnahhh i need to borrow money!

we had a great date today...

after i went on my rollercoaster we looked for food, but i craved an espresso at 12 am. hmmm no wonder i'm still going, coffe being going out is going. okay so we walked past this ice cream shop that had italian ice cream and coffee...and technically it wasn't open for business but just getting ready...but the lady was super nice and it was super chill. then we ate street food, a shit ton of it...i'm still full.

i have to surround myself with people I adore on this fieldtrip, and my feet smell super bad and havent brushed my teeth yet. buck.

one thing I took from traveling, going without a shower...hollar

hmmm msns headline...are video games addiciting?? i miss sammmmmmmmmmm.......my previous roomate. guess what when the sun came up we came to pc bang...and guess who i saw playing games....sammmM!! hahahh nerddddd

who needs hair mold styling when you got natural greese to stick my hair up like go ku. nice. reasonably i don't smell.

hmmm going to yoink yaks ipod for the day. i got a run 5 minutes peace love blahblahblah star id

beern and cigarettes

beer and cigarettes,

i know I should stop.

cause I'll be running a shit ton from a week or two from now. I have found ultimate frisbee in korea... solidifies stuff...cause I don't want to get into that. I have missed you so.

its beautiful.

but i've got a wicked buzz, and just lit a lucky strike, my akiles tenden. I seemed to have posted... but i havent liked anything i've written. Some of the stuff I write I actually like, coffe and cigarettes was kinda pretty pretty. but a pc bang doesn't give the right atmosphere. So i've been carrying around my lap top... if I was back home I'd be sitting in coffman union on wi fi right now...but couldn't find a place to get wi fi and didn't feel liek going to my coffe shop. i haven't felt this chilled ina while though. I actually got to spend most of the day alone today...its beena while, i've surrounded myself with jake for the most part. i came in just now and saw him looking at face pictures...thinking hes probably already reflecting.

Godddddd

ppl are weird. did i say this already?

my reason for wanting a girlfriend...I thought about this, is so I could have a reason to get close with people and not feel there getting a vibe that I want more... maybe... cause I love people actually. and I like girls...and boys. hahah a writer drinks and smokes...shit but liking is totally good. but they might take it the wrong way...or maybe its my mind taking it the wrong way. "used to have a complex about getting to complex" says talib kweli.

but I still do. its all gsssss

just be nice to people and it'll be good.

I've been super good, today was the first i've gotten down on myself...in a while I mean to say. i hope this doesn't swing like it used to.. but i got up, I was like 못할수있어...i dont think I can... but I just tried and hey at the end of it, it looked okay.

sighhhhhhhhh probably a nother cigarette...i stopped, but started cause yak was leaving and I anted to share these moments...they are good moments let me say. hopefully i will share one though.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sharing one with coop. good business.

damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

things I see. woke up. blended a breakfast and went out the door. to be continued

jake came in, i mean pat. we're in for star. thats official. i had it...then got destroyed. at least it brings me back to this.

does it seem like nay of my posts are differne't from the others...I seem this ones meanignful...I guess not. hmmm there like what was I donig at your age...smoking a shit ton of pot..got that chapter done... what am i going to do at your age?? i'm looking forward to that. cause the dudes i met are kinda way older than me. fuck i wish i didn't just get smoked.

i wish i didn't play in the first place. and now what okay mine as well continue.

woke up, breakfast...left out the door. bus stop to my destination.. got off the bus i sometimes feel akward, only person standing on the bus with open seats, I mean i'm the first stop 10 minutes after i get on the bus its all good. walked...thigns on my mind.. walked past my bicycle, totally forgot and just was like fine I guess I'll be walking to day. walked, the guy on the scooter with loud speaker past me. hes got a kennel on the back of his bike, shouting something along the line of buying dogs, buying dogs here i am...a creepy feelow, made me look at him as an ainsane person, a murdered of sorts. to kill and eat.. fucked up huh? continued walking through a dirt path, past green houses and small fields with plants and vegetables. past hills and homes, with burial mounds right next door. past trees that look straight out of mario, wish I could be trippin many balls...but I duno if i'll do that again. does exposing the depths of me make this more meaningful to you...cause it doesn't matter to me. i guess its like if you didn't know, now you do. and i dont really care what you think.. whatever

people are weird, I did say this. id rather just sometimes not talk to people, its meaningless sometimes. i dont think anything can be said to change that. at least, it didnt turn out any different.

ultimate...isn't my life, but i used to be. I gave it up, but here it is. nice. but it wont be strickly, people get consumed...but maybe it'll take me to other states, play on that dope as club team in some other state, or just get on grey duck or zero, probably not grey duck though. U of m team... their doing good, like in the top ten for sure...and likely if I stayed in mn I'd be playing...man. i wish . but maybe i'll play in shanghai this summer, be known world wide...hahah cocky bastard. ive got some gifts though, its only recently been known to me..i am thankful, and it gives me confidence and reassurance in the things I should be doing.. sigh.

ups and downs, whats it matter. whats i mean. doesn't mean anything to me now. two scars from the devil himself... not sure in my path, not sure why i'm still here. but not prepared to leave it either. what a full year, a wonderful year in all things being good cause I'm good right now. i want something... i dont think its just a girl either...seems everyting would just fit if I had a girl...but i dont htink thats it. cause i need to grow independently as of now, young time super meaningful everyint counts right now. i don't really know what I want or what i need. hmmm i've got thoughts hahah what a stupid comment. not even about to tell you about them either. i'll just amuse myself for a while. whats in store...I want to know soo badly. i wish i didn't have to wait to find out. its always calming. but I think way to much sometimes, dont even know sometimes. i wish I could show you the pictures I took recently. can I say the black and white are truly beautiful. myself I am thankful for the pcitures, how they capture and grasp and express that feeling perfectly...they are beautiful...and it makes me scared that I won't be able to do it again. but i'm thankful. but the captured image....i cant get over it. one kid, hes liek I could look at this forever...wow I had no idea...just a randon picture tooo so there goes on picture. another girls like can I have this? yeah its you for sure. sneaky sneaky i am. and the one I didn't think would come out, came out, but she hasn't seen it yet. nor am I sure I should be sharing it, its pretty deep. i wish you could see. hmmmmm. makes it all worthwhile. i wish i could cry, or laugh or smile. i'm kinda emotionless but desiring some emotion. but i'm just what is this...in between depression...waiting...for something. to pick me up, or break me down, or to come over me...something inspiring...but this is what that blog always does...that song just chills me down and puts me in this humble state. hmmm it makes me sad thinking it wont matter, that i dont really matter...i wont remember what i'm talking about either so it doesn't matter that you guys understand or not. i lose meaning in writing trying to hide the meaning itself cause I'm not even trying to tell you guys. i dont even know the extent to who reads this. i wish people would comment, but its ll good. hannahs like I already miss you....what are you talking about hannah. damnn i gonna miss her.

in accodance...does that make sense? to hannahs post... i havent read that htin gin a while...good stuff though i really like the pictures. so after dinner. grace was like I left my camera at this restraunt..i was like aright.. in my head, whatever. i called hannah and there wasn't an answer...i was like hmm whatever i'll just catch up with them after this... so we walk and to so young i'm like hey soyoung this place is a vegetarian restraunt...you should check thtis place out its like super good... and we go to the door, and theyre all like is this it? and stuff like that...i'm like yeha maybe but this is that vegetarian restraunt i'm talking about! haha but then we walk in and I see anna...! and i'm like hey annas here! lets go in...hahaha she runs off and on our way up the stairs grace is like yeah my camers actually in my bag...i'm like totally confused and what she says just goes over my head. the room to the left is where we enter, the first thing I see is aaron, hannahs brother...i'm like AARON!!! what are you doing here, its all above me i dont even know whats happening and I see evverybody around. hannah pat, yak yoseb cooper to the left, anna friends and friends...God it was good. hahah its my birthday I do what i wan't. eat peaches off the floor, brutalize the cutting of the cake, and ge tstuffed in the face with it hollarrrrrr. I still gotta get martin back...i'll give him one of those fotos tho, I got one of him and andrew on the train...its a good feeling. i'll drop a couple hundo on a negative scanner so i can show you folks hahah hopefully. da jya vu or however you spell it.

i just read what i wrote...i kind like it. but people are still weird. but people are good. and who am I to say people are weird.... get it? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm i wish i could touch each and one of you with a word or two, to tell you I think of you, and that i do care. and that i do miss each and ever one of you. even random kids form years and years ago...I have a thought about them, and sometimes I just wish I could touch them. but sometimes it just doesn't matter..

latersssssssssssssssssssssss

i just also posted 3 drafts i didnt feel like posting, but i dont remember what i wrote so its all to you guys

small worlds, random thoughts jakes leaving...

hmm myspace music is my friend, wow i've missed diversity...haha i got like 4 or 5 cds and that mix kat made on repeate. hhaha zack morris phone look down is your friend

hmmmmmmmmmm

i've been thinking a lot lately...but clearly, doing some talking to myself, I should talk to my plant.

yaks leaving soon...f(ck hahah hes coming first, so i've got to tell my teachers i'm leaving for the next couple of days.

midterms suck...at least cause they're making my friends unavailabe...

wheres monsoon season, shut me indoors so I can work. and the clouds sure did look fluffy today, great inspiration if I might say. i'm going to want some crocs for all that rain i'm looking forward to.

hmmmmm coopers super chill.

black and white gives a wonderful feeling.

i wish I could delete boring pictures

woe i developed some rolls from my trip, i'll give you my perspective soon. i should still do a travel blog, get some quality reflection in.

my head hurts, finally I can be super random again. but I dont have the inspiration to write and write and write hmmm.

listen to lucy michelle

today i took a second, and stepped out. i was like hey, what i'm looking at is what jakes looking at. I didn't feel a need for words at that point, we where sharing this moment together, and when I did speak the thoughts were sort of the same...dude minnesota is going to be reverse culture shock...what am I doing here? hes like strangly i've come accustomed to this place

what would i be doing there?

i'm not worrying about it. i mean, my moms moving here, it'll be chill. shes retiring thank goodness. i'm going to pick at her, see whats been in her mind, and take things from her, itnerests, ideals, ideas, goals and passions. i want to learn to design tailor weave and i can get her drawing and painting again. i want her to have a beautiful home, and koreas home for her so bring her home. but me, where will I find myself years from now?

crazy thinking about the future, its beautiful. but right now is what counts. i'm an instant gratification type of guy, makes sense.

shes a hell of a whistler the lady up above.. "quote from jake.

the world is small. when will i see you again?

coopers" my only korean friend, yeah eddie, totally korean sick at drawing, draws what a korean kid would draw, robots and shit like that.. something like how our convo is going...no way its my eddie.... does he have a sister i ask? yeah... both at the same time... michelle? yes!!! jake a long time ago was like i'm going to go to this kids house after i get home and learn to cool korean food...gosh...do you realize he was like my childhood friend...i meet yak in korea on study abroad, yaks best friend comes to visist, yaks best friends only korean friend in minnesota is my friend tooooo!!! hahahahha amazing.

okay later

hmmmmm. we played more music last night. I think its expected that when we go to that bicycle cafe we're to play. another jam sesh but its still no electric.

I haven't kept touch with hardly anybody back home. And even those who read, like the friends of last semester, its been months. We should have a visual skype date, we'll gather at hannahs or something, see your cute faces again.

I called stephen the other day, hes like Peter! well yeah. hahah i'm like come visit, get kreeble and maggie said she wants to come out. and max if I come to italy your coming to korea sometime. period.

so I've got to save for hmmm. italy america chrome bag outstanding credit bill awesome bicycle

i wan't to go to nova scotia

i do want a dslr

its like we've been taking a shit ton of pictures kinda sorta but i've been super bad about getting them developed. so annas got this bag just full of rolls and shes getting them developed onto disc for me and yakatan. jakes been using my slrs plural but ones gone to bunk and this ones crazy stupid.

we love contax. and carl zeiss is your friend.

i judge art wayyyyy to hard its complicated. but other arts I accept, its like you accept whats there and you can't try and question why its there. like you don't question the existance of your friends, or who they are and what they say. its just them. i guess thats the best i can say to express this thought.

i imagined i'd have this time, to reflect things. like an amazing two days where everything floods back and I'm like woe. but my mind has moved on, it like cant grasp. but it seems i'm always thinking about the past. maybe it isnt the past and maybe its just a pointless day dream.

it doesn't seem like I know what i'm doing. people ask where are you going, what are you doing? I don't know. i just walk. or its like hongdae.

i'm in josephs room, slept over last night.

I wan't to go to nova scotia to learn art, but maybe I should finish this part of my life.

do I wan't to be a fob?

i'm giving up a beautiful minnesota life. all because i don't want this to turn into a dream, but i'd love to just leave it as a dream.

i wish I was closer. but yeah it takes time. but at least i've been lead to it.

i've had to lie in respect for my dad. I called him and told him I can't do that. but this is the start, a handshake something real. can't remember the last time I did that. good things are coming. I hope so.

back to it. another day at the pc bang. i was happy just not coming to computers for a week or so.



I haven't really written much lately, my friend grace is something... your journal?? nah i haven't really written...hmm



i was overwhelmed when I wen't home last night. my friend 우석was like go home! go to YOUR home! fine. with an uncle...i suppose thats what he is...relative somehow. talking on the phone with his wife, praise shes good. but hes got the tv on, LOUD, and hes like I can't hear you... wheres the appreciation man. it frustrated. I could'nt think only get more complicated. so I grabbed my guitar, and my thoughts and headed to the roof. sat under a awning and let the smell of rain calm me and I thought of the bigger things better things. I needed that.



i'm here again, cause I met up with some friends, cause I felt lonely for the 10 minutes in between leaving some other friends. I should appreciate those feelings, the bittersweet to saying bye. i'm super appreciative but to a point where I run, call up another friend to ditch the feeling, have that one drink to forget. stuffs not natural.



my friend from australia called me yesterday...thats just sweet.



so good to hear that voice.



where is someone for me? I long for this feeling of comfort...true I find it in other forms, but it always creeps back. i don't have anyone super close to me right now, but I guess I could be needy and I guess they can't be there always. but at those times I need someone. so I can express my thoughts, cause they don't always come up like that, not bad nor that good, but worth developing. I don't write about those thoughts on here and at thsi point i've forgotten.



and now i've gotten over being all emo on myself and I'll come to. prolly another round of star, make my brain stupid haha.



josephs asking about camera film asking if I got film for him.



i thought i'd have time to reflect, but I think all the time. its just stupid. hahha I thought i'd have real time to reflect, but this line is just saying reflect over and over..just stupid.



like me through your eyes...



influences. i'm a pimp. postively influenced motivated person.



i've been following my teacher, focus. korean forms. but my next project is an image in my head...and a thought along with it and meaningoing to be able to execute this with thought, feeling, and hopefully the skill will back me up. semi abstract, semi inspired by other material and other passions. hmmm.



see you soon. i actually really like this song. hmmm so i've got to save some money. pay an oustanding credit card bill, buy james lap top hopefully, help jake build me a bike hopefully that i'll use, get me a chrome bag, fly me to italy, fly me to thailand to meet josland.



i should email rita, and walter. my next project after the next is a big pickle jar for rita. and walter lives in nova scotia.i want to live there.

hmm. i was not really going to write. I was starting to think I was getting bored or something.

cooper is here and yak and pat are battling it out.

today is a holiday, but its raining. the attack of the umbrellas, we to have umbrellas, but as jake put it an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind hahah.

hmm i was writing something and then got bored half way through and stopped. i guess i'm to comfortable.. to a point where its boring. what is this.

blahh

so I was thinking, that i've let go.  no point holding onto something wrong.  cause if that happens, then the beautiful things are covered up.  so I'll turn it all around.  starting with a hand shake.  word.  

but its amazing cause we kissed each other, the people who mattered most and we shared that feeling.  we just didn't communicate what was meant.  but I look at it different now.  and I'm getting better at that.

so feelings are shared right now.  super chill and easy going.  no pressures felt no akwardities, but cool.  shes on a business trip..she sometimes comes up in my mind.  but i've got a week to chill and think on things.  its fun.

last night I didn't talk at all at the cafe we went to.  I don't know why.  i was like down but it wasn't to bad, I just smiled and chilled.

aaron just got out of the shower.

hannahs sleeping...shut up she says.

these kids open doors to shooting more pictures, listening to different types of good music, foods, arts, movies and much much more.  much much more being said lamely cause my brain feels like mush.  

thanks you max.

i'm usually not in this spot, where some people have gone and done something this nice for me.  its precious.  i'll remember it forever.  

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm my throat is sore i hope i don't catch a cold.

i can't do this now. but its amazing and I'm supper happy. i've written in my journal twice, and both times said, write more later. hmm it was like i can't express this in words...but this is my best way to express so i'll write till I express. i have a buzz thats wearing down along with a rising headache. chained luckies again. but i've been really good about cigarettes, other than that last fact. the simple things I love, like I told andrew, when people go above and beyond for me its on my mind and I'm super super thankful. intrigued, leave it for later peace