people busy.

everyday I meet people, all day long. I want to just chill at home.

crushing red embers in a pile of ash.

I need to encourage myself a little bit. Don't get caught up in competition and judgment. Don't look at skill and standards. Just do what you love and let your steps be established for you one at a time.

tell the world

I wonder what the power of art is. I think I like photography because its spontaneous, and i'm spontaneous. Every time I wake up early to gear up for a shoot, I feel good. I feel right. I said it today and I think I say it every time, this is the life. I pack my back like i'm packing heat (I've never been to war and I know the frightening truth behind some of it) but I feel like i'm going to war; especially when I'm shooting Allen's 70-200mm. I said today the only thing that would make this cooler if we were shooting real guns (boys like guns) I've always had a fascination with the army. I wanted to go for some period of my life but when I told my mom, its one of the few times she got really stern and said no. I talked to my friends in the army. Jazz, he told me I shouldn't because i've got direction, i've got dreams and i'm living them out, he said it would just be a detour. I don't know what it was about wanting to join the military, maybe it was to prove my manhood, you can't really say much to a guy that has put up with all the crap you must put up with, risked his life, fought and toughed out some of the hardest conditions imaginable.

My friend's brother experiences PTSD, he has seen blood, heads rolling off bodies, a hole blown in his friends chest. War is very real and so is death. The things that give us the most stress in our day to day lives are meaningless to these kinds of men. If I told this man my day was so crappy because the lady at the immigration office gave me the wrong info, what do you think he would say? The privileged life i've lived has spoiled me. How can I open my mind and not be a tool to society?

And look at how I write, it is all about me. When will it not be about me?

Anyways life is still beautiful. Allen, Diddy, Seunkyung, and myself shot Wongyu and Wonhee's wedding today. Many times I forget that my brother or sister is getting married, that his life is about to change forever, and that this is probably one of the most crucial points to their lives. I get caught up in the business, I do my job as best as I can and i'm so focused that it becomes a little surreal. I watch these 'events' through blinks of my shutter with a hope that I can capture the essence of their love and joy. I love seeing them smile and laughing at the alter. In the midst of such stiffness and what is kind of a show unto other people, I love seeing couples come back to reality and come into the joy of each other's presence; the pureness of their vows; and the love that will last a lifetime. I love seeing the couples be real with each other.

We have a weird dating policy at my church, don't get me wrong, its great because it is a testimony of seeking God in the middle of it; it creates some of the most healthy and beautiful matches i've seen, many say "it was meant to be." A couple was announced today that they had been dating. They kept it a secret. Me and Jos were talking about it yesterday, he was trying to bet who it was, I said 'i hope i'm not going to be a little heart broken at the end of it.' He knew exactly who I was talking about and it was funny when I met up with him today. We both just started laughing. With a tender heart we grabbed some grub and headed for a Whisky sour and took a walk into the alleyways of Itaewon. We talked about a lot of things. I really like that dude. We are kind of on the same page, it is really nice to have him to walk beside. I really want to see him come back.

Anything else? I'm happy right now, a little chilly but happy.

i'm bored of this layout. I should invest in learning html.

the feeling of insignificance is a nasty bug. It leads people for cries of attention and most of the time is expressed in rebelliousness.

But dont you worry, you were born for a purpose, a special reason, you are significant. Very.

i'm bored.

i need a partner in crime. for the first time in a long while, I need brady.