tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4567442851897781832024-03-12T20:40:28.855-07:00""peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.comBlogger236125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-81943323311941968382016-05-17T18:57:00.000-07:002016-05-17T18:57:49.051-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I feel I need to try. Or at least die trying. It's probably not as glamorous as it seems, but if I can make ends meet being in the mountains more often than I am now, I think that'd be the life. If I can climb, fish, and tend a garden, I'd be content.<br />
<br />
Being in specialty coffee for the last two and a half years has been great. But I can't imagine doing the same thing for the next 5 years. I don't have a desire to have my own shop or run things like I'm the boss. Passive income is a dream for small business owners, but not one I really care to achieve. It'd be a little sad to be out of the loop and where the industry is going, but I think it wouldn't be to hard to pick back up. It's hard doing the grind and feeding people coffee that you care about, but they don't. I'm tired of small talk and superficial interactions, as funny as it is to see people check themselves out and the mirror, it gets old.<br />
<br />
Marriage is difficult. It makes me so depressed at times. There's so much expectation I cannot meet, and so much needed change that doesn't happen. More let downs, more pressure, more sadness. I think the best part though is feeling someone next to you when you sleep and wake. That makes me happy. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-20707449581437032562016-05-05T23:13:00.004-07:002016-05-05T23:13:54.768-07:00Recent things<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Mt Arapiles and Grampians National Park were amazing. The araps really stood out as the gem of our 10 day trip down in Victoria. I wish I could have a month to stay down there and climb.<br />
<br />
We are trying to decide what to do about our visa ending in March. We are far from family here in Australia, but the weather is good, and the climbing is quite amazing. Its hard to want to move somewhere so remote from good climbing, such as Montreal. With long cold winters, snobby French pride, and not much climbing, whats the good?<br />
<br />
A shop front, low rent, new city. It could come with its fair share of good and bad experiences, just as moving to Sydney had. I could live in a climbing gym, but the only way to improve on that grade is, climb on rock.<br />
<br />
What is in Southern California? What is near Joshua Tree that we may live and sustain a life? What about in Oregon with Zach, Smith Rock.<br />
<br />
What about our desires to travel, experience, see the world? Money is the issue it seems. We don't save much living here in Sydney. We have student tuition, limited working hours for Sol, and high rent. The expenses really add up, and we dont have a big enough income to do more than get by and take some interstate trips. Its hard to have enough to travel abroad.<br />
<br />
Maybe we can sell a lot of stuff by the time March rolls around, travel to New Zealand, do the Arapiles and Grampians again, and then head on over to the States. Hopefully we can have enough saved to be able to do such a thing.<br />
<br />
Kind of stuck. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-72496074607386239412016-01-25T05:08:00.002-08:002016-01-25T05:11:54.378-08:00Considering fear <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I like to think I've done some amazing things in my lifetime, but almost for the first time, I haven't been able to shake the heavy sense of responsibility that is connected to success and failure. I am scared of where I'll live, what I will do, if I can go beyond hospitality and hourly jobs. I find myself thinking I should have studied IT and gotten a good job. I have thoughts that I should quit hobbies that won't have a return on them, so I can focus on what matters. I find my priorities out of order. I took a leap of faith and moved to Sydney two years ago. It's been the greatest journey, but now that I've gained my rhythm, it seems the reality of immigration could shake things up in a year. Then what? Move to America and work for 8 dollars an hour? Start a cafe with no guarantee? Pursue a guiding career that is even more spotty than a free lance life coach. I've jumped from rock faces, scaled building walls, been sucked down by waves twice my height, but those fears last but seconds. Maybe I've lost the spring in my step, the innocence to my hope. Or maybe it's just hidden away, just right beyond that shadow of unknown. I guess time will tell. Peter</span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But this makes me smile and laugh. </span><a href="https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e-7UbU45a1U">https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e-7UbU45a1U</a></div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-64474319421537078832015-03-02T04:26:00.002-08:002015-03-02T04:26:22.903-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This housing situation sucks.<br />
<br />
There's a roach in its back that you can see from down the hall. The shower is clogged (men's floor, what could be the reason)<br />
<br />
This sucks. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-67074725192077023202015-02-16T04:56:00.005-08:002015-02-16T04:56:56.149-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This season, marks a low point in my life. I don't really care about my relationship in my faith. I don't have much time to work, bare minimum. Being broke is stressing me out. Find myself short tempered and angry a lot.<br />
<br />
The tension is forcing me, I think, to learn time management. The challenge is hard, but I can imagine something to grow from it. Like music class, being humbled and humiliated, battling insecurity and lack of confidence, with hints of despair, being masked by a tiny sliver of hope that may be enough for me to keep pushing on, and actually improve. Even though throwing my hands up, and quitting would be the easier thing to do.<br />
<br />
Life ain't dandy. But that's life. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-89104261844519631142015-01-05T18:13:00.000-08:002015-01-06T17:57:41.617-08:00a nutritional summary of 2014<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I learned a lot of things in 2014. About passions, hobbies, myself. I also learned about the things I put in me, and how it affects me.<br />
<br />
We have heard things like, "what you eat, is what you are" and vague commands such as, "eat your veggies," but haven't really understood why.<br />
<br />
Here is what I have been learning, and hopefully it will encourage you to do your own research and find what works for you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Lets eat real food. Meat, veggies, nuts, fruits, grains. </b><br />
<br />
Processed foods have added chemicals to make them clean, appealing, and mass producible. Also they are normally filled with refined sugar, which your body cannot properly digest.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Fat doesn't make you fat.</b><br />
Fat is essential to your body. Excess sugar, makes you fat. Sugars found in natural foods are digested along with fiber, so you can break down the sugar you are ingesting. Coke on the other hand, doesn't have any fiber, and therefore skips down to your liver, which can't properly digest it, sends for a massive insulin spike, that turns the sugar into fat.<br />
<br />
Do not trust the labels that you see at the supermarket. Low fat, fat free, skim milk. Because you take the fat out, the food tastes bad. Therefore sugar is added to make the experience more pleasurable.<br />
<br />
There are bad fats, like trans fats, that are found in processed foods. Small amounts are found in some meats and dairy products. Look for hydrogenated vegetable oil on the label of the products you are buying as this is the cause of trans fat, even if it says 0 grams.<br />
<br />
<b>Add lots of Fiber to your diet. </b><br />
Fruits, legumes and nuts, vegetables, whole grains.<br />
Fiber helps to move foods and carcinogens through your digestive tract. It also helps to lower blood cholesterol levels and control glucose levels (so that the natural sugar you intake can be properly digested). Also make sure to drink lots f water as this helps your body function smoothly.<br />
<br />
<b>Your gut is a sensitive environment.</b><br />
There is good bacteria and bad bacteria in your body. You promote one or the other by the things you eat, and the growth of one or the other effects your body in a positive or negative way. A healthy looking person on the outside, may actually be heading in the direction of diabetes, if that person is consuming junk food. Exercise doesn't make the bacteria in your large intestine healthy, the food you eat does.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Why I choose organic, free range, and vegetables when I can. </b><br />
Since the food industry has such great control and power, we don't have much to say except to promote what we do care for. That is, voting with our dollar. Yes, better ingredients are more expensive, but the consumerist mind set has driven down prices to a point where it is artificially cheap. Filled with chemicals such as round up, pesticides, genetically modified organisms, we do not know how these altercations are going to harm our bodies and the effects it will cause in the generations to come. Already, American children are becoming some of the most obese children, with higher risk of diabetes than any generation before.<br />
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As I have more conversations, and learn more about nutrition, I am inspired to eat in a way that is beneficial to my body, to the growing industry of real food, and to the generations to come.<br />
<br />
Elon Musk, founder of Pay Pal, Tesla cars, and SpaceX has inspired me with some of his philosophies. He isn't waiting around to help the world, but is taking initiative, and that is what we need to be doing as well.<br />
<br />
<br />
Bibliography with improper citations and other resources:<br />
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/high-fiber-foods/art-20050948<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w94D45txSxo (ABC 2 part series on gut bacteria and how the food you eat can lead to diabetes, asthma, depression or a healthy, more fit life style)<br />
<br />
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2381335/ Fed Up<br />
<br />
http://authoritynutrition.com/foods/<br />
<br />
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz3O0GxeQRU<br />
<br /></div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-60989026201364794012013-02-11T06:54:00.001-08:002013-02-11T06:54:29.607-08:00jundabang family outing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
had a talk with allen last night. put things into perspective a little bit. can't let things go to waste. can't waste my time by investing in things that don't produce.<br />
<br />
had a wonderful dinner to vamp a slow day. met my coworkers, the jundabang project family. we went to two different burger joints to taste test their menus. we conversed and tasted, joked and play jenga. one of the dudes lost and had to buy a round of wings, little did we know he got super hot so we could barely eat them. quite mischievous.<br />
<br />
i'm going to start meeting the chef for casual conversation to help him improve his english. this should be fun. we were dissecting the parts of the cow in korean and english tonight. good to know.<br />
<br />
guys and girls are different. girls are talkers and listenings. guys are listeners that try to fix everything. i caught myself doing that today, i hope she understands.<br />
<br />
i'm quite tired. i took off the doors of my closet to create more space in my room today. I organized the shelves to make room for my mom. i'm trying to clear out the vanity area so she can have more space. i was thinking about turning my closet into a tiny office, but i reconsidered, but maybe i still will.<br />
<br />
i want to buy a home. enough of this renting lifestyle.<br />
<br />
it is so easy to feel alone. i don't know why i do it to myself. i'm so glad i went to dinner tonight. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-80488844430271391812013-02-09T07:19:00.002-08:002013-02-09T07:31:03.568-08:00crying in the streets<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
today was one of those, i can't believe that just happened, sort of days.<br />
<br />
fought with my mom. don't think i have like that yet.<br />
<br />
troubled how unfilled we all really live. under so much oppression we think we just have to hold onto it. sad really. how we try and cover up things that aren't right, and think we can hide from our sin and shame. as much as it doesn't have to be like that, why is it?<br />
<br />
she hates my dad. she hates the idea of me having a relationship with him. she was so overcome with anger that the words from her mouth were evil. i've never heard such words uttered before. she says she goes to church and prays so that she can over come such emotions. i told her church doesn't help anybody, its the love of God that will set someone free. i pray for her.<br />
<br />
she called me judgmental and narrow minded. she cried that she had nobody to stand up for her. i yelled back how could i, i was 10 years old when your relationship fell apart. i told her i love her so much, that she needs to let these terrible emotions go, and move on with her life. i told her she needs to move on. i was shocked how easily somebody is swayed from love and truth and support. she said she was now an outsider, because i want to be a part of my dads life, i told her that was not true. she said that i dont care for her, understand her. i told her i love her, and i burden the bullshit of you, dad, and chris. i told her nobody in our family believes anything better can be done except for me. i am the only one trying to fix anything. everybody else is caught up in their own pain to care. woe is me, victim mentality bullshit. i told her nobody was there for me in my worst times. when i was in college, depressed, confused, fatherless, and lost. i told her i had to fix my own life, where were you mom and dad? i told her Jesus was the only one who could help me, thats why i fell in love with God, because he healed and set me free. i cried to her, you need the love of God to set you free.<br />
<br />
crying in the streets of itaewon. i called her to say hi at lunch, and walked out of the restaurant door where my friends where, yelling.<br />
<br />
what happened to her life was wrong. what happened to my mother and fathers relationship was wrong. wrong was done to one another, and wrong is still being done. how long do we harbor bitterness that turns to poison in our souls? decades it seems. decades of pain is finally coming out. decades of unforgiveness is coming out. finally coming out. i always prayed that the best is yet to come, the best is yet to come for my family. maybe that is about to be answered.<br />
<br />
when we step off the good and narrow path, it is apparent what happens.<br />
<br />
its hard that i am the catalyst to this pain. its hard that i am the only one in my family that thinks something better is going to come out of this. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-27321063195093206002013-02-05T11:53:00.001-08:002013-02-05T11:53:30.634-08:00time to build<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
how depressing these posts have been lately...<br />
<br />
i went out on the mountain yesterday. there was a ton of fresh fallen snow. i took my sweet time in the late morning to meander around the apartment, and then i headed out after lunch to my go to trail up line 6. i had the intention to go snap some photos. i wanted to rekindle the flame for photography. as i climbed and took pictures, explored and observed, i had moments where my mind was empty, and other passing moments of mental traffic. when i am able to take a step back and take a look at where i am going, it feels like korea is a blank canvas for me to begin to work. i saw a bunch of boulders and rock faces that were crying to me, 'climb me!' i thought, what am i waiting for? i complain there is no one to do it with, i just need to forerun it till the right partners come along. today as i was taking a moments peace, it was really nice slowing down and getting deep with God like i used to in my old room. dim lit, really reminded me of minnesota, even my franklin ave pad. that in itself was really good. felt like it had been a while since i was able to really express and process what was going on. today at the cafe, the owner and i were talking about studios and spaced. it was interesting, but the image of the studio we were looking at was a bit claustrophobic but it looked like a real art space. its been reoccurring to me lately that i need to get a space to work in. i need to call joker, to see if he can mentor me in climbing. i need to go to the neighbor roaster and get some advice on building a dark room. i need to find some people wanting to split an art space. a place to make music, loud music. a place to building and collaborate, grind, sand and weld stuff. its time to build. its time to move. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-32791568689026456832013-02-03T09:28:00.000-08:002013-02-03T09:28:07.738-08:00porcelain<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i live my life for things i dont even want to live for.<br />
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my time gets spread so thin i cannot apply it to the things that i prioritize. apparently i don't prioritize them.<br />
<br />
wasted time for lukewarm friendships. categorized into potentials. a big community thats is compartmentalized into shallow relationships. everybody jokes, then snaps, jokes, then snaps.<br />
<br />
people cannot be real because they are afraid of intimacy. i stay away from people because the fear of intimacy along with the mistakes i've made.<br />
<br />
the lack of joy could be seen past my guitar, through my hair, into my eyes, facing the ground. a precious love, the one person who cared to notice.<br />
<br />
my frustrations were expressed, and i received, with good intentions, meaningless jargon.<br />
<br />
the one semi-righteous use of my time i want to quit.<br />
<br />
and i'm no better after writing it down.</div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-45832591806094604452013-02-02T08:59:00.001-08:002013-02-02T09:09:03.263-08:00under pressure do do do do do do <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
feel the pressures of success and dreaming too big falling upon me. to much thinking, planning, contemplating. when i look back at what makes me happy, its being and not pursuing. i say i wish i could be a bum that likes to do what i do. rock climb today, take pictures, tomorrow, play guitar every other moment. why do i keep trying to race to the top?<br />
<br />
why is it that i want to be the best of the best. even if it is fleeting. for one moment to say, i have created success. is this feeling wrong?<br />
<br />
a sense of accomplishment.<br />
<br />
feeling a bit immature. like i'm walking in circles. maybe i write these daily reflections, to pin a point on where i have come from and where i am going. word vomit. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-75723711998466464642013-02-01T09:16:00.001-08:002013-02-01T09:16:44.220-08:00i could have been a contenda<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
i could have been a contender, i could have been somebody.<br />
<br />
kinda the feeling i have this moment. just beginning to realize things i'm pretty good at, and feeling like i've begun to late.<br />
<br />
i was on the walls with a handful of north face pros today, they were good, nothing that was to shock and awe, but good. some were a bit of a showboat, others less. one gorgeous girl i did my best to pretend wasn't there.<br />
<br />
i came away thinking, i could have been on top. in some place in my life, i could have been on top. if only i'd given the time and guidance, i could have been on top.<br />
<br />
i kind of feel like i've wasted the potential in my life. what have i amounted to? what have i accomplished? what good are the things that i do?<br />
<br />
i could have been a contender, i could have been somebody.</div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-25617563569473236452013-01-29T08:59:00.001-08:002013-01-29T08:59:28.326-08:00two weeks notice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
in a mad rush to prove myself a college graduate, i sought after work. i said yes to everything at the expensive of my joy. i burdened myself with my own greed, and tried to make a way to provide for myself. i've never concerned myself this much about how, what, when and where, and it wasn't right for me to do so just because i've got this new found freedom. (bursting the schooling bubble)<br />
<br />
i talked with my father today. told him i've been unhappy these days trying to make ends meet. told him i'm getting paid like a dog, my hands are washing dishes instead of creating things, and i've sold out to be a tool instead of being a linchpin. i was easily dispensable, i would have loved to have been taken over by a dish washer.<br />
<br />
i felt my gifts where going to waste. so now is the time to take a step back. put in my two weeks notice. to leave room for whatever is in store. leave room for God to be God. leave room for excitement and the unknown to be uncontrolled. (i've been striving to maintain control) leave room for people, guitar practice, writing songs, writing blogs, taking pictures, fixing stuff, exercising, being happy doing things I love (north face gym this friday)<br />
<br />
its interesting that i've lived this many years and still don't know myself. without connecting the dots, i had no idea the reasons i had been unhappy and dissatisfied these days. i think its a clear sign of what i'm to do, and what not to do. when I took a second job, i became angry and defeated, i beat my head on the tile wall, i screamed in the bathroom. my foolish decisions to prove myself.<br />
<br />
so like 2008, when i didn't think twice about dropping out, didn't think twice about living in korea, didn't think twice about the future, i leave room for whatever to happen, and i am expectant for the adventures to come. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-83828111453164596362013-01-28T08:43:00.001-08:002013-01-28T08:43:24.915-08:00mind dwellers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
its interesting how easy it is to sway from being fine to being totally discouraged. why is that. how is it that our minds are so quick to agree with the we cant and submit to the negative possibilities.<br />
<br />
i felt burdened in my heart this evening. i couldn't see past working minimum wage, with a college degree, a handful of things i'm pretty good at, and not able to make a cent from it. it took a great deal to overcome. a swaying of my mind, back and forth, able, not able, encouraged, discouraged. one of the most memorable things a friend has said to me is 'don't think so much'<br />
<br />
i guess i'm trying to apply that as best i can.<br />
<br />
anyways, i'm a partner in a wonderful photography business. its our business. why do i act otherwise? things will fall into place, i just need to stop despising this humble beginning. minimum wage humble beginning...</div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-59114540428449597272013-01-27T08:12:00.001-08:002013-01-27T08:12:22.791-08:00inspire me so<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
so i am trying to inspire myself these days. dream for bigger things by going step by step. i dont know what capacity i have to steward the different things that are in my life, and i'm not sure if these thoughts are things that should keep me from doing or not doing. jerusalem ministries might be looking for someone as an events coordinator, full/part time. i want to begin to pray about this opportunity as it may be something very special. allen as began to really step up lumiere and co, challenging us to shoot and begin to take steps in the direction of greater professionalism. my personal music has been very enjoyable, but as far as inspiration goes, i sometimes feel i juice the small bits i receive here and there. there are times when i'm so uninspired and revert to generic techniques, neither good nor bad, but stagnant and generic. the feeling in which i should just stop playing during the set. i look around the crowd to inspire me, to see their beautiful faces, it makes me really happy. <br />
<br />
things take investing. i need wisdom. people take investing. time is valuable. money shouldn't be regarded as highly. but i need it to buy stuff, to further stuff. its an interesting time of tension i am in. want a warehouse, drums and amps in one corner, sofas, chairs, bed, kitchen, bathroom with darkroom facilities, camera and post processing media office, workbench and table, files for sandpaper, files to grind stuff according to my specific need, junk for me to assemble and take apart, to create something new. a space i can call home. a space i can build from. a space i can dream from.<br />
<br />
its clear. sort of. i cannot shelve my art career, it's to grained in my hands. no one art medium is enough. its not a burden its easy, artist. period. potter by day, musician by night, photographer by moment, writer by need, everything in its right place, just as i want it to be. </div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-14038829248133342802013-01-24T08:11:00.001-08:002013-01-24T08:11:09.340-08:00you can't have any pudding<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
so i've only recently figured out that i am an external processor. that could explain all of the old blog posts. <br />
<br />
i have finished school. and roy, not school, taught me that there is only one space after a period. and i told joseph otherwise.<br />
<br />
i have my discrepancies with the way my university experience went, but i suppose if it wasn't for it, my life would be in a different place. maybe for better maybe for worse.<br />
<br />
i work next to a chef, its great. he pushes me to experiment, i wish i could burst the bubble more. i feel like there isn't even a box to be broken out of, a set of boundaries in which to experiment from. maybe i just need to brainstorm. he has served me gourmet, and taught me how to eat, not to fill my stomach. which is good because every other meal i eat is to fill myself. eggs and rice, rice and eggs, sometimes some pork, maybe spinach.<br />
<br />
so i have finished school. i thought it would be more glamourous. i guess its a common misconception. i did have a cool opportunity arise, like i'll be on tv for the first time. (vimeo link to come) i think in the midst of not wanting to be a joke, i went job hunting. i stressed myself out unnecessarily but achieved what i set out to do. in a single day, i took two jobs, got a raise, and quit one job. thats how productive i can be. in the same week, i quit another job, which was teaching english. in the spare time that i have these days, i've been playing guitar. all i wish to do is become a rock star. i mean a better more capable musician. i bought a beautiful guitar and brought a bass into deaf spanish. i havent been able to write anything new as of lately, but i shouldn't let these mixed emotions go to waste when i can over exaggerate the feelings to write a half decent song. ive been better training emy, to walk, to heel, to sit, to stay, outside without a leash. i've got calling my mom and dad more frequently, been catching up with old friends regularly, and finally managed to stop ignoring my roommates as of today. i couldn't explain my actions, i wanted to see a shrink, the second time in my life i've ever wanted to.<br />
<br />
i wish i was paid just a little more. actually a lot more.<br />
<br />
louis and i are in the works. we are roasting meats, getting better, but need to head into smoking. thats where its at. with a seasonal menu, and a nice craft beer selection.<br />
<br />
things i still want. a leica.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-2228835134947939322012-12-18T06:25:00.002-08:002012-12-18T06:25:50.316-08:00happy birthday isaac<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
its a period of tension.<br />
<br />
a blessing that feels like a curse. it is a moment of overflowing blessing, so much it feels overbearing. <br />
never have I been more supported and celebrated in who I am and what I do, yet never have I felt more confused about where to walk, how to walk.<br />
<br />
in the midst of too much thinking, I've slowed down to taste, to hear, to know what is good. It began with learning how to drink espresso for what its worth. To take in the smells of the roast, almost a scent of a bonfire. i've learned to taste bitter, taste sweet. to taste an over extraction from a proper one. how a light, medium, dark roast differentiate from one another. these small appreciations have been spilling over into other facets of my life. i'm overcome with so much beautiful artistry that inspires me, but humbles me.<br />
<br />
I was filmed for a tv special today. also my baby brother was born today. 2 months premature, I am praying a lot for him, an emotional roller coaster, dang it Isaac! you should have just stayed in the womb, but what a story this will tell. Love you little bro and I havent even met you yet. <br />
<br />
1 chronicles 16:8-36<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-53894040976899117602012-07-11T10:21:00.001-07:002012-07-11T10:21:33.507-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
posers give everything a bad name. i hope i am not posing. </div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-25411226670825671392012-06-09T09:28:00.003-07:002012-06-09T09:31:39.267-07:00a not so typical day in the life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
lately i've had the thoughts of what I'm supposed to do after graduation. I am graduating in February with my graduation exhibition in December. I have long awaited this time, and now that its drawing near, I've been evaluating with probably more mental energy than really necessary. Life just works, so I don't really know what i'm fussing about...but... nonetheless I am. <br />
<br />
Today, woke up thinking I had to go to missions training, but I didn't have to. Nice! Got the whole morning to myself. Tried to do backed up homework, wasn't much of a success, but made bits of progress. Enough to get it done when it is needed. <br />
<br />
Rode my bike to Itaewon, had a jam session with K1 house of prayer, and rode back home to get ready for BK's bachelor party. Got doored by a taxi on the way, that sucked. Minor but sucky. Walked the rest of the way up the hill and started to help the brotha's out. We had a BBQ on top of Mat's roof, overlooking Hongdae, with the setting sun behind the haze in the distance. It was very asian esque. It was great. <br />
<br />
I have my doubts. More or less, more is less. I'm suffering with the freedom of choice, kind of ironic? Too many things I want to do, and the idea of doing them all makes me feel like a jack of all traits. What do I want to do? Be a professional bum that makes six figures; that can work three to four days a week so that a couple of days I can rock climb, play guitar, ride my bicycle, prep photo shoots, and the like. The weekend I can better dedicate to ministry stuff and things of my liking. But life probably isn't that easy, and probably all of that will leave me at the same level of fulfillment that it has given me now (cause that is the life I'm living minus the large amounts of money that would likely bring my grief.)<br />
<br />
So what will I do? Get a job. <br />
What will I have to give up? <br />
Dreams of being a rock climber/outdoor photographer. <br />
Will I have to give up dreams of rocking shows with my band? I don' think so, all of the members have day jobs as it is already. <br />
I can use two of maybe the three weeks of vacation I have to go learn the trait of bicycle building and maintenance in Oregon so that is not totally out the window. <br />
In the days end, these are all just my ideas, we will see what really happens. <br />
<br /></div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-23403045564262903592012-06-03T07:55:00.002-07:002012-06-03T07:55:41.752-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
the reason i have been feeling so upset about giving my time to others is because it has been sacrificial. it hurts to give. </div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-24229393576053588232012-05-14T08:23:00.001-07:002012-05-14T08:23:39.069-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I just ran into an old man at the park. first thing I thought was we (koreans and foreigners living in korea) need to be less critical of the cultural things in this country.<br />
<br />
the old man with a shot wound in his hand asked me my story. he was filled up with pride (in a good way) for this country and for my choice to come learn in this land. he kept saying, your doing a great thing, and then along the lines of rise up, take places of influence, get the noble peace prize! haha. he explained that he wanted to raise his kids in the military, but his sons approached him and said, in this culture of ours, we are going to take these places of influence and be the best we can be in this one life we have. The old man blessed them to do that. <br />
<br />
the older generation pushed education so hard because that is all they had for hope to be successful in life. And look where it has brought Korea in the last 50-60 years! the development that has happened so quickly is incredible. <br />
<br />
but now is another time and another cultural shift. our generation is rising up and many of them are jaded by the education system and the pressures of success that are being placed upon this youth. but with this heart there can be reformation! <br />
<br />
I think the education system and the cultural pressures of success is about to be forever changed... again! <br />
Good bye war time korea, hello creativity, peace, development, leisure, and hopefully more green spaces in the city of seoul! </div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-36499184400352566452012-04-02T22:28:00.004-07:002012-04-03T08:56:52.865-07:0024 years24 years ago, I was born on an Easter morning, with a thought in my mothers head, "how tiny you are!" It may have been one of the most joyous times in my parents lives. I hadn't done anything but I was still such a blessing. <div><br /></div><div>I'm not a tiny baby anymore and life sure does go by fast. Maybe i'm still a little baby boy in my parents eyes, only when I'm a parent will I know that feeling. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've received some amazing gifts, haha two of the same. I waited and waited, and voila, there are two Gopro cameras with my name on it haha. (my roommates got me one, also my dad got me one) Pretty sweet but I'll have to return one. Theres another box with the words Elixer on it, and I'm hoping it is my climbing harness. I've got some pretty incredible people around me. </div><div><br /></div><div>But more than gifts and the like, more than anything, I want to be filled with an appreciation for life again. I know the emotional depth and evaluation of life's sincerity is particularly special on ones birthday, but I'd like to start developing a sense of my life's philosophy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Be blessed to be a blessing. Righteousness is not for the sake of being holy and better off than others, its to be a whole person, walking in freedom and love, to help others who aren't all quite there yet. </div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-36123340436712136962012-03-25T09:59:00.002-07:002012-03-25T10:00:10.310-07:00theres a great temptation to begin to reject others when things get hard. and that temptation sounds good. <div><br /></div><div>where will you stand peter? </div><div><br /></div><div>maybe more than rejecting, learning boundaries would be better. </div>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-3998552396634484712012-02-18T07:27:00.000-08:002012-02-18T07:28:03.527-08:00walking past a group of people and you hear one or two lines<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; "><div dir="f" class="km" role="chatMessage" live="assertive" style="margin-left: 1em; "><div class="kk" style="margin-bottom: 0.2em; "> <span class="kn" title="kang.peter.j@gmail.com" style="cursor: default; font-weight: bold; margin-left: -1em; zoom: 1; ">me: </span> <span dir="ltr" id=":16h">martyred..</span></div></div><div dir="t" class="km" role="chatMessage" live="assertive" style="margin-left: 1em; "><div class="kk" style="margin-bottom: 0.2em; "> <span class="kn" title="hanlove.yoon@gmail.com" style="cursor: default; font-weight: bold; margin-left: -1em; zoom: 1; ">Hannah: </span> <span dir="ltr" id=":16k">i wrote ass twice</span></div><div id=":16l" dir="ltr" class="kl" style="margin-bottom: 0.2em; text-align: left; ">uhm</div><div id=":16l" dir="ltr" class="kl" style="margin-bottom: 0.2em; text-align: left; "><br /></div><div id=":16l" dir="ltr" class="kl" style="margin-bottom: 0.2em; text-align: left; "><br /></div></div></span>peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-456744285189778183.post-33914645504944123672012-02-15T00:11:00.000-08:002012-02-15T00:12:29.337-08:00I feel more mediocre than ever. This is going to be great when I get past this. Here I come excellence.peterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08959273400472044398noreply@blogger.com0