ge do hae

I look around at the expressive people around me, and I see them being locked in, in that one place it fits. They are in tune with their gift, and they know how to use it to express exactly what they need to be, without using words and writing. its a performance and its a movement.

Is it a good thing to pursue and develop a variety of talents? Do I need to be surrendering some of these things I could consider hobbies? I'm moved musically, visually through photography, and i'm in a pottery and glass major that continually expose me deeper into the art of crafts.

In bible study today we were asked to think about things not considered rubbish in our lives compared to knowing Jesus Christ. (the sunday school answer is obvious) but thats not how we live. I shared that I take control over my giftings and talents. I work and strive for my development and excellence.

a lot of confusion lately. A lot to try and tackle. just a few notes.

i'm listening to lauryn hill sing of her love troubles. shes expressing herself. man artistic expression is a gift. today we had a special song sharing by this dude doing piano and midi key mixing playing something I would dream of playing with that am biotic harmony and sound filling the air. and then danny coming up coming into a spontaneous dance that was so powerful and moving. with all their passion they created an expression of who God is. I started tearing because I knew with even the great passion that these two men carried, that much more is God concerned for me and his expression to me. When danny prayed, I raised my hands all the way up to receive a blessing and impartation of creative expression, from the one whom creative expression is birthed from. watch me, i'm different. i'ma love you when you dont love me. i'm gonna make peace when you've already made war. i'm going to give, so that you can eat. i'll silence myself, so we can agree and be in harmony. i'm i'm not dreaming big theres not point in dreaming. john mayers waiting on the world to change inspired something in me. barak is a voice, but hes a man in a generation ahead of ours. our generation is the generation that is going to bring a real change. that gives a voice and ear to the quiet. that gives concern and joy for the poor. that wheeps and comforts the broken and dying. our generation is the generation thats going to seek vengeance for the injustice of this falling world. and lets clarify because we don't live by worldly vengeance, but we bless those who are difficult, and allow God to judge. we have no authority in which to judge or we will be judged in the same fashion, and I dont' want that. nuh uh.

i realized I dont really like hard pop rap music that much. its actually quite crappy imo. but I still danced. man no wonder i didn't dance to that junk was played at school dance parties. now theres some folks that put out some fun music like chris brown, dudes abusive but hes made some tunes that wanna get me stepping and bouncing. anways I wish the reception would have played a bit more diverse music, but its all good I had a blast, especially when the last song ima admit it but I felt alive in music which i havent felt in ages. dancing in the moonlight. yeah its from a walk to remember soundtrack but whatever, I felt free, and joyful, and loved and all I wanted to do was express that through grooving. thank you p christian, you do put on a good song list. made me think of who and what music would be suitable at my wedding reception. some of that wu tang jazz remix that aaron put on at minnas going away, or some of that funky stuff that maxy loves listening to, or just some of that good ol school hip hop that neumiller and I used to sing with grand master flash and the furious five. and chillen back with some st germain man I'm missing music. thank you thank you thank you.


ge do hae

hello brother, hello sister.

emotion is so uncapturable. So unexpressable. (my spelling is so jacked from living in korea for so long haha)

When I desire to do so, i'm so overwhelmed that words cannot express the absolute beauty of emotion. Its so sad when I don't try and express these things. Whether in pain or joy.

This was a most beautiful weekend. One of remembrance and one of revelation. I hope you all had a good friday. I spent my evening crying in remembrance of him.

A soldier is taught two things in case of gernade warfare. First is to shout GERNADE! and the second is to get the hell out of there. In the story I heard the soldier on the turret of the convoy did the first, but ignored the second as the gernade entered the cabin. He ducked down and began searching for it, with a brief second before explosion he made eye contact with his mission mate and said, "ive got it" as he covered the gernade with his body to save the others.

I tend to forget that some of the simplest things Jesus asked of me was just to remember him. I think my life would be so much more selfless if I would just remember him.

When these soldiers who were in the cabin remember the brave soldier who gave his life, their passion is lit, and they commit to their mission with zeal. He loves me, even when i've forsaken love time and time again. I start to loose myself and all the blessings and vision i have. I look to my weakness, I look to the standards of the world, my selfishness takes over. I seek refuge in a shack when I have a throne room awaiting me in my bedroom.

I do this in remembrance of you.

Today is my birthday as well. It was a day of revelation and joy. I'm reminded of what friendship is. I've taken for granted them, and i've turned them into a category of church friends or aquantainces, when they truly do care. (i'm not implying at all the meaning of my personal relationship with you) I forget my place in the world, I feel like i'm running towards something when I'm really forgetting the beauty of the journey. What I used to speak and live by, i've rushed past in a rustle. My heart is open and I just want to love, but can I keep these walls down? Can I push and break to just love?

I'm so sorry that I havent opened my heart to you. I think it begins with you L.

I have a father who gives perfect gifts. thank you for knowing. thank you for looking in and not around.

I'm getting up kind of early tomorrow morning to scout for places to have wedding photos. I'm shooting my first wedding this coming saturday. My discipler martin is tying the knot. allelujah! and I can't wait for the dance party! (no falling in luv on the dance floor peter man)

patience patience patience.

goodnight! and happy easter!