and its 11:11 am, I made my wish, which is tricksy because really I don't know what time it is, and I'm about to head to bed...this time is messed up on this comp. well peace and good night.

yo Andrew man,

whats up? we never got on the same bus, guess that didn't turn out. Well we were thinking about going out tomorrow night, wednesday, you found any good spots? were in the old quarter at tam thuong guesthouse room 204.

anyways I think we're heading out after that, probably to halang bay or work our way to the lao boarder, so let me know maybe we can get another brew.

till next time.
peace
Peter

fellow travelers, they're cool. made a bud in australia, maybe I'll see him again.

I got a facebook post, but I wont respond quite yet, I mean what am I still doing up?

but thanks that shit I can't stop smiling right now hahahahah :)) and sucka please like you wont make the journal.

Peter Kang

is gawddd a bros loveeeeee. powerful stuff man.

Amar Patel (Ohio State) wrote at 10:49am mista peta, dude i had a dream we were tossin our two cents around it was crazy cause it was right after i read that shit in your journal, good stuff good stuff. so whats goin on are you not kickin it in the mountains anymore? definately let me know what your plans are. can you even imagine the reunion thats gonna take place whenever it does happen?! man i want to send you tunes too how do i go about doing that? take it easy, dont think too hard PEACE!

Bailey O'Brien (MCTC) wrote at 10:30am that sounds like something i would do. or when we came to pick you up after your gigantic frisbee adventure to... some state that you went to and us coming to pick you up after. miss you man it's been such a long while. are you still in korea? when do you come back if you are? youre missing out on some good shows ill tell you that much but im sure you're having more than the time of your life. hope to hear from you soon.

so my chinese fortune given from the table roulette insert coin fortune machine gave me a teenie tiny scroll thats all in chinese, Lu? anyways the roulette lucky number is 36, hey all my rolls say 36...lucky me! and lucky you guys cause i've developed some so go to www.flickr.com/photos/peterkang to see what i've been up to lately. anyways I've put hours droning at this pictures trying to figure out flickr so I haven't commited time to this thing, but here we go... Hmmm so I've got a lucky upside down cigarette, and with that its going to help me stop buying these killer packs, I think 3 days I killed a pack...yuk man what got into you? anyways to help I can put that thing in my mouth, as will smith says I bite it for the look, I don't light it, which is true cause he doesn't light that business in independence day, I watched carefully hahh. anyways i'm dying to here this song by will i am but I can't cause the last 3 or 4 internet cafes i've been to there hasn't been any way of getting sound, even through head phones...wtf! anyways I'm excited that some of you have music to send me, thats fucking sweeeettt. I'm pumped after this trip, ive still got months left in korea...holla! so the ups and downs, or the sweet and sour as put in vanilla sky has been a wonderful thing...just pondered this thought up today. With all the shit you go through, its just another thing in life, you live such wonderful and happy days, but sometimes you gotta get down, its just a part of living. period. conclusion, its all just a part of living, and by getting past and getting up again you build and understand yourself so you can cope the next time you get down. I mean its a bummer but without the sour, the sweet just aint as sweet. word.

the thing about atmospheres shows is that the crowd is crazy, everybody tries to get to the front and theres no respect involved. the show starts and its crowded, barely room enough to move but enough to nod, thats enough at these shows. cause besides the queer people that arent supposed to be there, everybody is is clinging to every word he says. talk about art as an expression, these words hit the kids of people in my town, its like that one show for a save darfur, haley bonar did a cover of nirvanas polly, and it was something unreal, everything was so still and the air itseld seemed to not move, it was just her and her guitar, taking the breath away from everything. music has its moments. I've been listening to the sounds of seoul that kat has made for us, its pretty good, sends me into a wonderful day dream about who knows what, till the battery dies! motha fucka. thats a evil fuckin room as sam l jackson may say in 1408 the freakiest movie i have seen in a long while. and for someone who wants to watch a beautiful movie go rent In the mood for love, its so beautiful. period. I've watched these movies on star, there so bad, but a lot of them have shown the hardships with relations, they always seem to mess up in one way or another, is it possible to react differently in times like that? it works out for them in the end, and I guess thats what putting effort is meant for. anyways I might develop a roll of film, not the first cause I've had bad luck with those, but the second is just full of bankok temples, so how about the third and the FIF!. sure. taking 12 hour buses takes a tole on the body and mind, its such a bitch to sleep sitting likke that, and you hit a bump and your head crashes into the window, bitting your lip once again. ever noticed how you bite your lip once and you keep biting it in the same place? whats with that? I got a spot right now, probably bitten it 4 or 5 times now, its no good. ohhh i've recently started eating the cores of the apples along with the apples, I thought it was weird before, but now its not so bad, bailey no more you waking me up out of bed to come pick up my applecore, cause now it would have been eaten. well yeah that message to max helped a lot. I was really bummin, scared of the unknown. thats what it kind of is and thats what I've always been afraid of, something unknown coming out to hurt. but no thats not me and that isn't whats going to happen. I'm to kind to hurt anybody, but I need to take care of myself so I don't hurt. I think I 'm doing better, imagine that, talking to that one person is all it takes, and now I know I can always depend on him to help a brotha out, thats cool. anyways maybe I'll develop these rolls 3 and 5, and we can see if this camera I bought is actually as good as its made to be...wait aren't the photographs reflective of the person taking them...? fuckkkk ahhaha don't worry your pictures will be good. holla!

yo max,hows it going?

i'm doing pretty good, this traveling thing is pretty fun and kinda surreal. traveling gives me a ton of time of thinking, and sometimes its almost too much. The people I'm traveling with are cool, but there not people I really tell my feelings too, there close and stuff but i just tagged along on this trip cause friends were going. I dunno why I don't really post that often, maybe I don't put a lot of time into keeping in touch, maybe cause it takes time but I guess you probably understand me more than I think. Thats what years of friendsships good for.

I've kinda been left alone, everybody that I really love aren't with me, like you and my closest friend from here who went back to chicago, it doesn't leave me with people to talk to and let me express myself fully. I' just never thought of how grateful I should have been for our friendship, and how I never did take advantage of it, talking to you more instead of lettting my frustrations build up...its really unhealthy and it brings around some of my darkest fears.

I don't think i've changed a whole lot, i've started putting more faith into religion, and asking things from God, but he answers my hopes but still i'm scared sometimes. I fear for myself of how my dad turned out, he lost it in the middle of his life, and it has torn our family apart, and destroyed any pride I had in him..thats so sad cause I know hes a hard worker and potentially a good man, he had his troubles but I hope he can be happy. I can't live with the fear that someday I'll lose my head and that I will tear apart the love of my life and the love of my family like he did. I've been told I have control of my life, I do believe that, I start my foudnation on good and grow from it, but still theres a dark secret thats inside me, I need to be able to push that out and be so sure of who I am. This could have been a subconscious thing that appeared last year, I had no faith in myself and there for I hardly existed.

I'm in need of reassurance, of who I am and who I want to be. that I mean something to the world, cause at this point I feel so little, like nothing I can do can affect anything to any of us, I still try and appreciate the love of my mom, yet that seems so distant in the depths of my mind. its really sad. I know its not logical, but when I'm frustrated it, i put my hand to my head and pull a trigger, it clears my mind but its not sensible to do it in that sort of way. I've always wanted to talkt o somebody and I should have gone to a conselor during my troubles with my mom and smoking, but I figured that problem out with my mom and we are better. I'm happy for that but now I need to clear my head of these negative influences. I don't really know what to say or what is killing me inside, i guess its a little of that and a little of this, I have a happy life, full of friends and family, love and joy, but yet I bring myself down over and over again. People are quiet, i've accepted this, this isn't whats hurting me, i've grown to know myself a little more and it just takes time to get to know me where I can speak comfortably, but now its my dark fear, and its becoming aparent that I need to deal with this or I can't live.

I guess the moment is what matters, and I fear for my future, that isn't just cause the future is so broad and unknown it shouldn't be a problem. But if its building up now it will hurt my future and hurt the things that are present with it. I don't know how I can justify feeling this way because of how well i've been raised, and everbody has their issues, so whats my big deal? i'm just another person what does this matter to anybody? I don't even know man.

well I have hopes for my life, and the things I do, to follow my careers of interests and there are more important things to life than making money, I have hopes to live a simple and happy life, and enjoy each day by each day, working hard in whatever I may do, but I hope i'm happy doing whatever it is I might do. everything is so vague and maybe thats why I'm scared of whats to come, but life usually works itself out in the end, have you ever had a day go by and everything was fit together so well? like a perfect date or something..hahah nah but even a regular day it progresses so wonderfully and at the end of the day, your back in bed to start the next, i'm actually grateful for that. its the little things that make the way, but its the little dark things that kill my day.

I think i'm split in half, I duno if thats true, I believe i have my mother inside me, you know shes one of the kindest and purest people in this world, so wonderful, but even she gets down, so maybe these little things that get me down are just a part of living and I don't have to worry about that big thing, but I can't be so sure.

well you said I could come talk to you, so here it is.
thanks man for being there, even tho we're nowhere near..
oPeter

lovelove

its official i'm losing it. i'm chilled out now so its okay. we were in the most depressing place in phnom phen cambodia, the killing fields of the khmer rouge genocide. we visited the museum as well where there were hundreds of potraits of victims and prisoners, just face snap shots most with the same expression. there was nothing in there eye that sparkled, I wished I could say they had hope but there was no look in it. it was sooo depressing, kids, girls and boys, mothers fathers sisters daughters and sons, killed together for what reason? sorry like im preaching this shit but I really only know the surface behind it. what is the reason for all this? 30 years later and now its just a thing of the past, but the development has been decreased, places aren't even close to being developed but I can't say that about everywhere. blahblahblah I was so depressed and it furthered my thought on how I need therapy, do I seem normal to you? I'd say so but theres so other shit, its scary too. I catch him and call him out, hes so negative and angry, almost evil it scares the shit out of me. I was told by may I have control of my life, of who I want to be and that it isn't something I'm born with. but it is in me and I know where it comes from, thats why I havent been proud of "that guy" i refer to him as that a lot you guys don't need to know him, maybe when I can talk of him kindly you will meet him. but yeah hes a hard worker a good guy at times, he had a tough life and had his negative moments. tearing a bit of me and our family apart. hating him for years for what he did, but now I thought I had a chance to understand him, and I sort of do now, he needs to simplyfy his life, he seeks Christ and I hoped that would guide him, but sometimes it still doesn't. thats something that keeps me towards sanity, my faith is new and not developed, but if I do that wrong deed that haunts my head, i'll never make it to heaven to be with my mom. i'll be in hell with those thoughts drilling deeper and deeper for all eternity. fuck that. i need someone to talk to, to listen to me. i have people who would, but not held to my heart. actually thats not true, but soemtimes they just can't relate to how i'm feeling. fucking crazy. insane ready to shoot myself, like I'd ever held a gun. I could go for a shiraz right now, is that wine... what is that? it is who is that? I duno I have my best friends, and he was mine here, i havent made a new friend in a while and it was the greatest thing to make my friend, someone so good and accepting that words will fall short to describe it. someday a girl will bring that feeling again, and she will be my wife. someone to treat me kindly, love me for who I am, what I do, the things I say and don't say. for I can treat her like a queen, be so thoughtful and caring but nice guys are the ones to hurt right? some fucking bullshit. thats why I need my time to develop, grow up experience life and drive this demon from me. I need to be sure of who I am so I can raise a family, so I can be independent and be able to keep living. my writing is sloppy when I'm doing other things, trying to pick music check email do this or that. I got out whats been burdening me for the last couple of days. before i was just confused what I want to do with my life, and I'll let that sort of work itself out, the man has got a plan I'll just influence the path a little here and there. now i'm emotional and could cry if given the chance, I could scream if I felt angry, I could hug you if you were here, and I'd kiss you if I had you but I'm a mellow mix of it all and I'm just chillen now, this is the best part, chillen. peace should be praticed, I wrote down hope to the monks, hope is a wonderful thing, because you can always pick yourself up to it, and sometimes I loose site of hope, and then its dark and I gotta snap out of it. hannahs still writing so I guess I can keep at, none of us are that hungry, specially cause I just ate a mass amount of greasy street noodles, egg, vegetable and some hotsauce. talking bout hotsauceeee. go skate! jk go take pictures! go do and do instead of not doing, take advantage of your (our) opporunitys fully. be grateful of the little things too, a crappy but okay job, a car to cruise around in with open windows on a breesy day. a family to talk to and watch a movie with. a kitchen to cook your dreams into some crazy recipe, and a world so wide with a head full of unlimited dreams. go do! I love love

blahblahblah

soooo i'm sitting at the pc bang, knees squished beneath the desk and this shoulder bagged across my lap. my brown journal sits on the glass of the desk and I watch these letters form words. blahblahblah. so we're in phnom phen, its pretty cool here, theres a guy burning cardboard for some reason across the street in front of the hotel, weird. anyways I took a walk early this morning through the markets, lots of interesting things happening and a bunch of bustling of people, I sometimes just stood there perfectly calm and watched, I hope people did'nt think i was weird. anyways I took a couple pictures, a few actually, but they are very vague and just an image more than meaning. I wanted to get up close and personal but thats sometimes just intruding on something thats just hteir life, and because its new to me I want to take a pciture. but blahblahblah sometimes it has to be done. I have monks walking around asking for donations and listening to peoples prayers, there are vendors and customers lining the streets buying snacks, fruit, fish, meats, crickets all sorts of things its cool to see. I bought some bready thing and it was good, how do I explain it? a sesame fluff of a ball of dough, kinda chewy like a baquette, but a little sweet like a pot bang. hmmm maybe not so on the money but oh well. hmm i just recieved an email from uic saying im still enrolled...should I do this? hahah nahhhh. okay so I need to pay an outstanding credit bill...that means I need to work..I can study ceramics on my own right...? yeah for the rest of my life. okay check. I can do photography and other arts....ohhhh I'll be an art major, minor in teaching? or grad school in teaching? minor in writing? korean? what do you need to study to be a counselor? internship at that counseling place..i should seek counseling word imma gonna do that when I get back. i'm listening to fergie and will i am, random you might say, hey this stuffs kinda catchy, o0hhh theres a thai song, its sooo bad and soo catchy it puts korean pop to shame. i should probably go wake these kids up, who I like very much and getting to know better each and everyday and there so interesting, they do talk a lot but during dinner I'll join the conversation and give my two cents hahhah chillen somewhere and actually throwing out two cents, amar remembers that. well i've chilled out and now i'm just weird. ohhhhh can't wait to go clubbing in hk, we hvent partied that hard, actually like what so ever. i'll have to take pictures inside, show you the beautiful girls...hahahthats why you'll never work you've got mee..jk. umm i wish I could call home but don't know how to work the pay phones. and going to delete this whole posttttttt nope

i'm hanging with my head phones on
listening to this string make the beat
i feel a memory, and need some sincerity
to bring me home to what belongs

so in my dream, where do I fly
i' dont cry but I might try
try and be free to be me,
let my inspiration out in an expression
a sensation to my body to do what I want,

love if I dream, dream if I want,
to keep on the richeous path, where does it head?
only the moment passes and then I will be lead
and in the future what might come will be uncertain
but with the Might of Him I know it will be true.

the way it works, its as in a dream work,
so perfectly the day may end, and once again you fall asleep,
to be in a world where only your mind lives, as free as the passing clouds,
and with the minute and seconds going, i feel myself growing

i hope to reach the top, to where I know you and me,
and am so sure to be me, so I can be free,
from my consuming thoughts, to be self dependent and to be good
good to you, good to me. someday with time we will see,
but dwelling my mind I can't see, so much confusion,
of love friends family happiness, for life moves and with it everyting turns.

where do I find myself with meeting new friends, where will my heart go when she goes,
what will keep me to the greatest thing I cherish in life? I know what will, and he knows I'll be seeing her again. its too true. for I am a gift, and the greatest present to a mother, what can i do to be so sure. everyday should have been treated as mothers day, I could've done more, but havent, I could have spent years talking with you but I havent, I could have cried with you in times of joy instead of pain, im sorry. and now i'm away and can't do anything but think of you. i want to be there for you now simplfy and let time meander I'm going home to let God put together whats ahead, and he knows whats right, for it all works out. but the least I can do is be home, and thats all I need.

yooooo

well this internet is slow like no other, kinda like that turle who sits in my living room, made of clay, going no where. but i've got some time right now so its all good. were in cambodia, i've only taken a pic here and there but theres this guy whering a shirt saying shanti (peace)! holla. well i've been doing a lot of thinking, almost too much thinking I couldn't sleep for hours. I wrote a big ol list in my journal of what I want to do in my time coming. I think I may suprise my mom at her shop, on my birthday, and copy james and celebrate two of them! hahah thats fine cause when its my birthday, I say its my birthday for like a week hahah, max knows what im talking about. anyways i'gotta make da monet to get degas to make the vangoh theres a joke to that but i just killed it with the punch line. yeahh so paying the pills, and buying the stuff I want, like james lap top, frensh presses and coffee grinders, i'm going to import colombian beans thru my friend juan and this isnt a metaphor for antying hahah. well I think i'm taking care of myself, drinking milk and keeping the beer for a special occasion, like kicking back the day on the beach with a drink, its very good, but it has its moments. umm so i've been interested in this photography stuff and I'm looking at pictures of hannahs bro and my friend matt, they talk of a thing called a light room...hmmmm interesting. anyways I need to learn to build a woodfire kiln, i'm going to get a wheel hopefully soon after I can earn it and then throw and keep at a bone dry state, collect and make peices that are perfect, and then I can build my kiln and fire with like 6 of my friends, its a night and day type of thing and gotta maintain like a temp of 18oo crajee huh? a load of wood would be needed and as far as how natural and earthy ceramics is, it does a deed on the environment. hmmm so my major, raising environmental awareness through mixed media, hahah we'll see if that flys, through cinema, writing, and ecology lets say. I'm not sure yet. I' actually found a love for writing thanks to bloggin and journaling, its like that pensieve where I can deposit my thoughts and come back to it later hahaha n.e.r.d. holla. well okay so we spent time on that island, it was good, but didn't get much of a thai experience, but I did pick up leafy local rolling papers, (I gotta quit you) moms gonna kill me, actually prolly my sis ahahh. anyways I'm going to continue ultite when I get back, yo jeremy put me on spring roster, lets go to regions! hahah but my number is oging to be taken by some fool, thats all gs i've still got my jersey, first of a kind for M.U.D minnesota ugly duckling bitches! haha like you care. okay so email is taking forever to pop up wtf. i've got long pants and al ight sweatershirt on, what am I doing its like sunny and warm out... but I need something to drape over my bag so it doesnt get yoinked while I'm walking on the street, if my camera was taken i'd lose it all. so we were on the bus this is freaking me out but I think if i express myself it shouldnt haunt me, and these french bitches, literally came and sat in front of me and this dude from finland and just leaned the fuck back, and crushed his leg against the side wall and pushed his knees far into my half of the seat. I asked politely and she wouldn't budge. then I had a rage of thoughts, of things I wish I was capable of doing, hitting her seat like a child, pouring water on her, making her ride miserable i soooo wished I could be soo mean but you know I cant. anyways things are working out anyways and were having a good time. lots of thanks to higher peoples and peoples looking out, I hope to see you all very soon, someday again to say the least. i wish I had pictures, but jake better be in that black room or i'll have a fit, what else is he using my camera for? I hope hes having a good time, taking pics and meeting friends. I'll probably end up saying bye to him and like Ill see you back home. looking into the future is too hard on my mind, its troublesome the endless options I can have and i'm grateful for that, but its overwhelming. still with this email wtf! anyways i've started to budge, stay around 16 dollars a day and I should be able to make it to china and back home to korea. it should be good. still with this internet i'm going to go crazy. ohhh if I go home i've got my guita, nice. maybe i'll pick up my friends mandolin and give that a shot, everybody plays guitar. hannah lost her cards, shes going to deposit into my account, kinda sketchy right? we've been huslted a few times, its frustrating but were getting better at avoiding thepeople. they itnercept you the second you step off the bus and take you to places making us think were getting a service. wrong, we got a terrible exchange rate from the place this man took us. note ignore these people, walk away and just try and find it on your own, you'll find another taxi, another bank, a legit bus station where you will be able to buy your tickets. they try and tell you there arent buses running, trains boats, but their lying, go to the pier and buy that night ticket. what tricksy people. okay so I've got a half bar on my email opening up, how troublesome. anyways its a wonderful day and were about to see some anciet ruins of anchor wat, i'm going to make little picture cards and give you guys some. copy the hongdae art fairs to some extent with my own little touch. woow this just goes on and on well we'll be here for a few more days so I'm sure I can get another update...if I feel like it. I guess i have the rest of my life to become good at the things I do, I don't have to be an amazing artist now, I don't have to be the best shredder, I don't have to take breathaking photos, but If I keep trying I will find my own, and once the self apears then I will know i'm the best. can you relate? once your so sure of who you are, nobody can bring you down, if you build on a good foundation of love, friendship and happiness, (can't be happy all the time but its the ups and downs thatmake life soo sweet) anyways I miss that kid, in chicago doing a buck 80 and his moto. but guess maybe i'm going home early so it wont be so long till I see him. I guess I'm still a kid, but i'm on my quest for maturity, and I hope someday I can feel of age where I'm responsible, take care of my lifea nd the people around me, and be mature in the way I interact in the world. But I guess me is me and i'm a kid to some point, still like running around, losing hannah and pat and worrying them to death, sorry dudes. but I interact so well with older people, I guess i'm just good for people or something something "good for everyone" anyways I always wished I had an odler bro, so maybe thats why I look up to people older than me, I wish I was closer withmy sister, but maybe when I'm back home and can age up a little bit and be chill with her and josh, there gonna get married soon, I don't want to be in the wedding but I want to rock out so fucking hard at the reception! I hope i have a crazy dance partner tho hahaha. dancing is like sex, so get better hhahaha I think gelly and james read that one. I don't really know but theres a lot of passion in dancing, and I can further express my dance through swingns and twists and steps that would be awesomeeeee I still want to get lost in the jungle, hopefully not in cambodia due to a large quantity of land minds, would you guys still love me without a leg or arm?? creappyyy fuckkkkkkkkkkkk thats messed up. hahaha sorry. i'm wearing headphones but theres no music ahhaha lame. hahahah i cant belive you guys like reading this ahahha. this is long too, my friends have told me once they've read this whole thing, is that like in one go? theres pages and pages and hours of writing in this thing, funny. shit what am I still doing here, get out foo! peace

so im listenign to this sad song once again, and i've started a blog like this before. i'm in an emotino mood, things are taking weird twists for in hopes good. I guess its meant to be like this and doesn't happen any other way. there letting me leave and then closing, i dont have enough money to pay and I already know this. i spent the day higher and it was a day well spent, relaxing on the beach and just taking in the beauty of things. like you. ahaha well this means I need to find something else to do next semester, like what? can I work at the gom dabang pleaseeeeeeeeee. we'll see. well i'll listen to the song once more and by that time I could have wrapped this up. I thought of how cool my friends are, each and every one of them has something unique, and I run across a thought of them, completely random or abstract and it makes me smile and laugh. I spent the night after pat tucked in and chillen on the beach. danced alone to some music playing from a near bar, and had a cigarette. wrote pages in my beautiful journal and now am waiting for sleep to come and take me under. I'd like to see absolut beauty but havent found it yet, i'm still searching and have been let down more than once. this is relative to a couple things in my mind, but I'll say nature for now. ive got a wonderful bag that was supposed to be given to one of my best friends, and now its put for good use, carrying around my contax t2, I take pride in that, my journal, willing to share but my most precious item, pen is necesarry, rollies, and water, lots of water. hahah i think the song started over again so if I catch it at the end i'll finish this. i'm very calm right now, and sometimes, i mean lately i havent been in this mood, its been ages since i've felt a little sad, a little joyed, a little mad, a little much, but it isn't getting to me. but its not everyday i get this mindset so I appreciate it. I could cry, given a chance, I could laugh if i cant find the word but i'm smiling now, and the own dumbness. hahah anyways its ended peace.

sooooo

umm i've been writing in my journal, so my thoughts are there. I'm in thailand as of now, bangkok. it has been a pretty productive day, touristy for the most part, hitting up buddha temples and other sorts of monuments. It was frustrating because we kept being treated like tourists all day, getting hassled and getting pushed to buy stuff. It was only until after dinner we started getting a feel for what life was really like around these parts...and its fucking cool. There were some breakers in this random park, dancing on some tiles with the lighting of some street lamps and some music from a small stereo. we watched for a while and I asked if I could take some pictures. it was pretty cool. Inspiration to get the courage to approach is in thanks to Sunni, what an awesome dude. Anyways me and pat headed to grab a drink, we walked down this road which was really close to where were staying, a step up but an equivalent to itaewon full of foreigners and travelers. but its all good, we didn't have to associate with most of those people. anyways we came to this sweet bar where there were mainly thai people chillen and listening to this dude playing guitar and doing thai covers. it felt like we were part of something, as of a local not being judged from where were from or who we are and stuff like that. Even the communication part wasn't a big deal, i offered the guy next to me a cig and he just lit mine for me, and pats, and during the whole part of trying to use body language he was just laughing and smiling, it was wayyyy chill. anyways were heading away from bankok to the prettiest places on earth, island hopping! yeaherrrr hahah. anyways i'm in the lobby of our hotel, its full of people from who knows where just chillen and watching bond on the big screen, its pretty chill and i'm about to head up to my room soon. i've been using a contax t2, and polished a pretty much 36 roll today, not bad not bad, some good pictures, some repetitive pictures, some lame pictures we'll see how it is. I hope yak is going to get in a dark room, theres going to be a need to do some personal developing on these over exposed, under exposed pics. should be cool. ohhh we got a thai massage, it was pertty sweet, like 180 baut or apprx 6 bucks, it was bommbbbb and hurt at times hahah. but I wouldn't mind giving a lady friend one of those sometime, a backrub is always nice. anyways korean girls are prettier than thai girls, sorry to generalize but there soooo damn cute hahha. the thai packs have gnarly images on them, its disgusting, but ohhh well. soo do i have any tips for traveling? hmm its okay to do some touristy things, but sometimes its too personal and too invading on the lives of the people who live here, its just not worth it. ie my boat ride through the backyards of homes, but the orchid farm was pretty sweet, some good smelling flowers here and there, and it was cool seeing them all growing out in the open, no need for temp setings, cooling systems, light systems, it was pretty bomb. I wish I felt like going into scenes, give you guys, so I can send my readers crystals, arm loads of crystals. hahahh (still life with woodpecker) its a good one. anywaysy go explore, think bigger, get outside your world even if your back home, find something that you've been itnerests in and explore it, its just worth it, try and experience something new and cool, theres a lot to be learned and valued in everywhere, the people, sceneary, cafes bars its cool finding new things about places. well thats my part, laterrrrrrrrrrrssssss

cigarette smoking is an unhealthy art

rollis are an art, and i'm pretty bomb at it. so is spigs. where the fuck was he...and joe new years, t bags is usually mia anyways so I didn't expect him. its all gs though. well I appreciate you guys a lot for checking in on this, and i'm happy that you guys enjoy reading this. Its a real contradition on my personality that I don't like communicating but I really need the appreciation and reasurrance from you guys to know that I matter. I think accoarding to another post of mine...hahah... that okay lost my thought while I poured some ine to drouse my lucky strike. umm i'm chillen in pats home, a second home of mine and I'm being influence because I can't keep a thought with pat talking in the background. I'm happy I spent the evening drinking carlo rossi just chillen with jake and the name so for already written. I've got a relaly good buzz going, enough where I poured my drink and continued to pour on my leg and so forth...haha. so i'm taking off for a while, with only 15 rolls of film, that take up most of the room in my luggage, which is a backpack. hollaaaaa, i pack up everyting I own and move from day to day, awsesome. go back packing you guys! with lots of underwear, socks, some shirts a shorts a pant and a cd player ohhh and a book. books are great, and dudes, appreciate coffee and cafes, cause thats what I do like every single day. well I miss you guys. tody I went to the country side to see the teacher i'm about to apprenctice under. the one thing I was thrown off was the fact he likes drinking, and he has spent bachelor hood all his life. drinking is a killer in relationships, it creates a second personality and potentially in a abusive way can tear it all apart. thats what I'm scared about, I have a feeling if he takes anything out on me, i'm going to be hurt relaly easlity, sent to my room and dwell in my mind and blame it on me. I hope that doesn't happen but i''m to nice so it does happen. Its great how things work out though. Even day to day how events go from events and turn out wonderfully. we came back from gimpo and some how beat traffic to see joseph and eat dinner together. and grateful that it did turn out. life just works itself out if your a good person, with good values. well I dig this girl, was about to tell her, but its all gs. not yet, but its a good liking, not an infatuation, not a single sided thing like the previous encounters i've had. both by the names of chois and both at u dub..weird. i've wanted love, but I think i've wanted a g funk who i could just share my love for, to care for and spend good time with. i can potentially really get down onmyself digging my fox hole of my brain, its natural but weird. and weird is what I need to become an artist. but is that strickly it? do you guys know how much I care for the amazon rainforest? I actually know a good deal about it...weird but cool. I could tell you by writing, but if you care I'll tell you later.so I'm drinking wine, actually m aking a dent with these fellas. its pretty cool. i'l take a lot of good photos for you guys to see, i've got a lot of film, but i'm still limited to take a moment to take a photo. I've got to think about some meaning behind it, I take pictures of cool thigns I see, but theres no meaning behind it. so I'll think of putting osme meaning behind it. peoples expressions are great, and how they interact with people. so flick your bic to this, cause I wish I had that j to share with you guys. (krew members) my hands are cold, and the windows open in the middle of winter, but only cause were smoking cigs in this room where were not supposed to. happy new years folks! make good goals for youselves and try and make yourself better. do whats meaningful to you and your life, and your future. even though the future is impossible to see, you have the ability to control it. it all depends on the path you take, hopefully towards good goals and values. i'm super chill right now, buzzed and enjoying my time, If I could post minute to minute this shit would be so emotion, so out of wack like the most emo bi polar shit in the world....but good thing it isnt. this is me and this is one of the few places im in my element. Fe what is that element? cause it tints whats going to be my porcelain into blue celadon. so I've got months of clay ahead of me, and when I get back even more clay ahead of me, but i'd like to help the enviroment. but seth is going to do more of a job then I am, so props to him. but I care! go snowboarding! word. how are you folks in duluth? brady...you stil tune in? go snowboarding! haha well reading is pretty good to spend time in a cafe, smoking cigs and drinking coffee...whats the point but its the best thing cause you get so worked up, its fantastic. such dark coffee here, oh where the fuck was juan too you bitch ass cause i've been drinking colombian beans for the past couple weeks. anyways i remember the first time seeing that kid, at wolf ridge, I rommed with marky b,k adom and pat, joe cicarz and kevin ciz i'm pretty sure we set off those fire alarms. the past, its pretty good to reflect on but it happen so its easy to move on. i'm not that good at keeping in touch, but I'l spill my mind to this thing, prollly one of the better things that i've done. so keep on with the things you do, keep brodening your interests and keep good values in your life. smoking a bit of pot doesn't make you a monster..."gelly" i wish I could toke a bit but i'll leave it at that. water is good for the body, same with vitamin c, and other vitamins in fact. this is retarted, i could be drunk soon. i got a drunk dial from a significant other, I felt ashamed that he would only speak his word in that state, not like we don't talk but there wasnt any dignity in it. theres a time to grow, and it seems a man will never, but cmon thats some child ass shit, WTF! so i'm pretty much packed, waiting for my boxers and socks to air dry, and I'm meeting shiraz in like t minus hours cause hes been the most meaningful friend here, I speak my mind and he cares to listen, and he'll give his speak on it. its deep. holla holla holla us minnesotans are fuckin bomb! well this is blahb lahblah so later folks till i find a internet cafe in some random spot in asia. peace! and love

if you don't know... now you know ....

aright so I'm taking off for a month and a half to see south east asia and china.  I recommend if you get a chance take time and visit some other crazy place in the world.  It opens a ton of doors and lets you meet tons of cool people.  okay anyways i've got 15 rolls, I still need 5 more, to have 20, like the amount of cigarettes in a pack, I refer to this because of the book Still Life with Woodpecker, a very interesting read, pretty funny too.  anywho tonight, I got in a jam for the first time in over 4 months.  a beautiful singer, a wonderful drummer, and a nervous guitarist at your service.  haha anyways a man at this cafe was like would you like to play, or should I continue playing music, and after a little bit of hesitation, me and jake were like yeah we'll play!  aright so cool, started out one shaking off the shakes with an acoustic bells, pretty dece.  then went to a blues and thats where our lovely anna joined in with some blues and vocals, staying in key and being awesome.  jake loosened up and was making his way around the foreign drum set, drum sets are a technical instrument, not like picking up somebody elses guitar thats for sure.  then jake started the third song, on his drums it was nervous and didn't think I could pull anything together, I mean jamming back home the guitars usually lead the way, not the drums.  but I started goofing in my scale and found what I was going for, slides and a bit of a throw in here and there, with 2 note chords and such like that.  it was awesome having progression in music again, i've been missing that, thats why playing along BLOWS.  not always but its not the same as improving.  jake and I would work with each other slowing down, filling each others beats with a stroke or a hit, matching each other, resting and keepin it moving.  still ending is a bit hard, even for kreeble and us back home it is fantastic when it ends on beat but its aright its our first jam!  well i've been pretty chilled today, just going with the flow of things.  oh tomorrow, its a big day, I go to my teachers studio for the first time to visit what its like.  its about an hour out of seoul, and I think i'm going to need to extend for a travel visa or a work visa, cause I'm going to be with this man for like another year or even more!  well i'll let you guys know tomorrow what its like, and If I like it and such.  I hope more of you guys are reading this and i'll try and stay updated.  well hope you enjoy.  peace and love brothas and sistas

새해! new years!

I'm at pc 방 currently and have the wonderful feature of 한굴. We celebrated our new years together, jake, hannah, and I. accompanied by the Russians and Igor we went to eat dinner at pretty much little Russia of Korea. I only knew a couple of the dishes beause of my friend max, but I had borsch, along with this delicious meat on a stick, and a triangle meat pie of goodness, and some nice vodka to wash it all down. holla. city hall 시청 blows for a night life, we tried finding a bar, coming to one that was completely empty, we proceded to look for another but just found business clubs and massages, probably make a happy new year for someone willing to pay. that would suck. anyways we headed to 홍대 hong dae and made it to ho bar for the turning of the year, we left almost right away and went to meet up jakes friend chris and his g funk nicky. its always cool seeing that dude, so laid back and happy to be. but anyways from there we headed to Oi, that weird bar may first showed me with the dude that digs on her. thanks to that I managed to get an extra cole for our hookah, so thats cool. after that we headed to that other hookah bar above ska 1. yeah dudes I found 1. its not nearly as cool and doesnt play as sweet music, more like a cheap punk rock alternative rock and hanson. 비빔밥, 돌솟, 비빔밥. inside joke sorry guys. umm yeah cause I was drunk and just wanted to groove so I was spending my time, grooving and trying my best not to touch anything else moving near me. weird but fun, cause I didn't care for trying to dance on people, i just wanted to do my thing. after that we ate pojang and walked home back to hannahs. it was chill. okay the best part, i teared up today, I got up at 2:15 with jakes alarm, and headed almost direcly to phone max for our minnesota new years. I called and he handed the phone to ALL of my friends! it was so bomb, we call ourselves the Krew, its SO OFFICIAL! another inside joke sorry other folks. god damn, it was good hearing brady, amar, b haug was a suprise, fucking straate, pat, neuscrill, stefan! haha ohhhh adaommmm and max, oh max. whisney, fucking t kreeble, was like the first person, he appeared out of no where yo, this is t kreeble, wanting to wish you the best new years, we wish you were here. the best was when i heard them counting 5,4,3,2,1! happy new years!! i just couldnt stop laughing and was tearing up and shit one of the best moments, everybody was saying there missing me and the lack of is felt, that made me feel really sad but amazing cause thats my issue, I don't think I'm significant to people I have met, maybe cause I'm so unsure of my self sometimes, doubting myself, doubting my thoughts, feelings, language shit like that. I always doubt the shit I say , especially on face book, i write some shit, post and then I'm stress cause I think the shit I said was stupid, its fucking weird. thats one of my biggest issues. anyways I'll play some starcraft or something...hopefully I'll get in touch soon, chat Aim style or something, the voice chat I mean, its really wonderful hearing the voices of those you havent heard in months, and yet you recognize each and every one of them. I was so ooo pumped when each brotha said what up, I was like ohhh shit man, i love yoU man! anyways I miss ya'll still, and think about you guys just walking around shinchon, reminicing and all those good nostalgic things. but i'm out peace!