beern and cigarettes

beer and cigarettes,

i know I should stop.

cause I'll be running a shit ton from a week or two from now. I have found ultimate frisbee in korea... solidifies stuff...cause I don't want to get into that. I have missed you so.

its beautiful.

but i've got a wicked buzz, and just lit a lucky strike, my akiles tenden. I seemed to have posted... but i havent liked anything i've written. Some of the stuff I write I actually like, coffe and cigarettes was kinda pretty pretty. but a pc bang doesn't give the right atmosphere. So i've been carrying around my lap top... if I was back home I'd be sitting in coffman union on wi fi right now...but couldn't find a place to get wi fi and didn't feel liek going to my coffe shop. i haven't felt this chilled ina while though. I actually got to spend most of the day alone today...its beena while, i've surrounded myself with jake for the most part. i came in just now and saw him looking at face pictures...thinking hes probably already reflecting.

Godddddd

ppl are weird. did i say this already?

my reason for wanting a girlfriend...I thought about this, is so I could have a reason to get close with people and not feel there getting a vibe that I want more... maybe... cause I love people actually. and I like girls...and boys. hahah a writer drinks and smokes...shit but liking is totally good. but they might take it the wrong way...or maybe its my mind taking it the wrong way. "used to have a complex about getting to complex" says talib kweli.

but I still do. its all gsssss

just be nice to people and it'll be good.

I've been super good, today was the first i've gotten down on myself...in a while I mean to say. i hope this doesn't swing like it used to.. but i got up, I was like 못할수있어...i dont think I can... but I just tried and hey at the end of it, it looked okay.

sighhhhhhhhh probably a nother cigarette...i stopped, but started cause yak was leaving and I anted to share these moments...they are good moments let me say. hopefully i will share one though.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

sharing one with coop. good business.

damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

things I see. woke up. blended a breakfast and went out the door. to be continued

jake came in, i mean pat. we're in for star. thats official. i had it...then got destroyed. at least it brings me back to this.

does it seem like nay of my posts are differne't from the others...I seem this ones meanignful...I guess not. hmmm there like what was I donig at your age...smoking a shit ton of pot..got that chapter done... what am i going to do at your age?? i'm looking forward to that. cause the dudes i met are kinda way older than me. fuck i wish i didn't just get smoked.

i wish i didn't play in the first place. and now what okay mine as well continue.

woke up, breakfast...left out the door. bus stop to my destination.. got off the bus i sometimes feel akward, only person standing on the bus with open seats, I mean i'm the first stop 10 minutes after i get on the bus its all good. walked...thigns on my mind.. walked past my bicycle, totally forgot and just was like fine I guess I'll be walking to day. walked, the guy on the scooter with loud speaker past me. hes got a kennel on the back of his bike, shouting something along the line of buying dogs, buying dogs here i am...a creepy feelow, made me look at him as an ainsane person, a murdered of sorts. to kill and eat.. fucked up huh? continued walking through a dirt path, past green houses and small fields with plants and vegetables. past hills and homes, with burial mounds right next door. past trees that look straight out of mario, wish I could be trippin many balls...but I duno if i'll do that again. does exposing the depths of me make this more meaningful to you...cause it doesn't matter to me. i guess its like if you didn't know, now you do. and i dont really care what you think.. whatever

people are weird, I did say this. id rather just sometimes not talk to people, its meaningless sometimes. i dont think anything can be said to change that. at least, it didnt turn out any different.

ultimate...isn't my life, but i used to be. I gave it up, but here it is. nice. but it wont be strickly, people get consumed...but maybe it'll take me to other states, play on that dope as club team in some other state, or just get on grey duck or zero, probably not grey duck though. U of m team... their doing good, like in the top ten for sure...and likely if I stayed in mn I'd be playing...man. i wish . but maybe i'll play in shanghai this summer, be known world wide...hahah cocky bastard. ive got some gifts though, its only recently been known to me..i am thankful, and it gives me confidence and reassurance in the things I should be doing.. sigh.

ups and downs, whats it matter. whats i mean. doesn't mean anything to me now. two scars from the devil himself... not sure in my path, not sure why i'm still here. but not prepared to leave it either. what a full year, a wonderful year in all things being good cause I'm good right now. i want something... i dont think its just a girl either...seems everyting would just fit if I had a girl...but i dont htink thats it. cause i need to grow independently as of now, young time super meaningful everyint counts right now. i don't really know what I want or what i need. hmmm i've got thoughts hahah what a stupid comment. not even about to tell you about them either. i'll just amuse myself for a while. whats in store...I want to know soo badly. i wish i didn't have to wait to find out. its always calming. but I think way to much sometimes, dont even know sometimes. i wish I could show you the pictures I took recently. can I say the black and white are truly beautiful. myself I am thankful for the pcitures, how they capture and grasp and express that feeling perfectly...they are beautiful...and it makes me scared that I won't be able to do it again. but i'm thankful. but the captured image....i cant get over it. one kid, hes liek I could look at this forever...wow I had no idea...just a randon picture tooo so there goes on picture. another girls like can I have this? yeah its you for sure. sneaky sneaky i am. and the one I didn't think would come out, came out, but she hasn't seen it yet. nor am I sure I should be sharing it, its pretty deep. i wish you could see. hmmmmm. makes it all worthwhile. i wish i could cry, or laugh or smile. i'm kinda emotionless but desiring some emotion. but i'm just what is this...in between depression...waiting...for something. to pick me up, or break me down, or to come over me...something inspiring...but this is what that blog always does...that song just chills me down and puts me in this humble state. hmmm it makes me sad thinking it wont matter, that i dont really matter...i wont remember what i'm talking about either so it doesn't matter that you guys understand or not. i lose meaning in writing trying to hide the meaning itself cause I'm not even trying to tell you guys. i dont even know the extent to who reads this. i wish people would comment, but its ll good. hannahs like I already miss you....what are you talking about hannah. damnn i gonna miss her.

in accodance...does that make sense? to hannahs post... i havent read that htin gin a while...good stuff though i really like the pictures. so after dinner. grace was like I left my camera at this restraunt..i was like aright.. in my head, whatever. i called hannah and there wasn't an answer...i was like hmm whatever i'll just catch up with them after this... so we walk and to so young i'm like hey soyoung this place is a vegetarian restraunt...you should check thtis place out its like super good... and we go to the door, and theyre all like is this it? and stuff like that...i'm like yeha maybe but this is that vegetarian restraunt i'm talking about! haha but then we walk in and I see anna...! and i'm like hey annas here! lets go in...hahaha she runs off and on our way up the stairs grace is like yeah my camers actually in my bag...i'm like totally confused and what she says just goes over my head. the room to the left is where we enter, the first thing I see is aaron, hannahs brother...i'm like AARON!!! what are you doing here, its all above me i dont even know whats happening and I see evverybody around. hannah pat, yak yoseb cooper to the left, anna friends and friends...God it was good. hahah its my birthday I do what i wan't. eat peaches off the floor, brutalize the cutting of the cake, and ge tstuffed in the face with it hollarrrrrr. I still gotta get martin back...i'll give him one of those fotos tho, I got one of him and andrew on the train...its a good feeling. i'll drop a couple hundo on a negative scanner so i can show you folks hahah hopefully. da jya vu or however you spell it.

i just read what i wrote...i kind like it. but people are still weird. but people are good. and who am I to say people are weird.... get it? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm i wish i could touch each and one of you with a word or two, to tell you I think of you, and that i do care. and that i do miss each and ever one of you. even random kids form years and years ago...I have a thought about them, and sometimes I just wish I could touch them. but sometimes it just doesn't matter..

latersssssssssssssssssssssss