I should go home.

Like to a cabin, where I can have the spins and look at the stars and say I see what your seeing...as hes tripping so many other balls than I am...

I remember but how. having like really good talks on that dock, i mean all docks in general are the place to be. we used to smoke out back at maggies and vanessas, on lake minnetonka letting the sun go down and letting the stars come up. running back to the green grass to throw a disc of just laugh in some good company. or just be all self centered zoned out around a camp fire...negative side to things.

I remember rolling around, nobody would want to drive out to these places, but it was the such a beautiful drive...why didn't I drive more...as my car is about to be sold... winding narrow roads, lakes on both sides, a tunnel of trees and good music and open windows on a spring/summer afternoon. dipping on the stretches pulling on spigs 300. the white night, getting it stuck after trying to drive through snow banks, no knowing what to do just watching max just put foot after foot into feet of snow trying to push that thing out. off roading in amars tahoe and the fucking BUMP we used to hit doing 50 60 making contact with the roof. whipping shitties. climbing on top of byerlys, stealing from shopvac, throwing all we could and making one crazy mess at marks house.

hey kids, you know what they do out here, they get a gas generator and take their amps and guitars and drums and go out to the local park, which is like a concrete play ground here, but they just play music. wtf instead of a concrete playground FUCK I"M NOt home! as i was saying why don't we play outside more?

but this aint no minnesota. where it doesn't become dark till you get into the country. where I haven't laid in grass okay nm I do once a week when I get out of seoul... where you can't j walk laughing and screaming as you do.. where you can buy hard liqour at the local corner store...talk about unhealthy, whereyou go to jail for a joint or two hahah where you can't undestand the news, man I make going home sound so good. but its all the same. I probably miss my friends to death, cause I don't take time to think aobut them. i'm thinking about them now tho. damn if goodbye was that sweet how great is hello going to be. somebody asked me what fuck means, It took like 10 minutes for me to try and say it has many meanings... in all expressions its a sigh and a fuckkkkkkkk.

what am I still doing here anyways? oh yeah your trying to go to this art school, so you can live wiht your mom...mom why do you want to come here, cuz i'm here? this isn't a good place...the air is bad... but if it stops you from being lonely what happens if I don't get in mom? whatever.

i have a lunch meeting gotta head to shinchon by 1. i'm at my dads place, damnnn the bed was comfy, and no fear of cockroaches crawling on me while I sleep.

he thinks i should play cello again, he meaning me and I and my dad agrees with me. music is like medicine, you may not need it everyday, but then theres that day you just NEED it. whatchu gonna do then? pick up an instrument again thats what and not quit.

I watched coffee and cigarettes last night, coffee and cigarettes are not a good lunch, and realizing thats why I havent had lunch a few times in the last couple weeks, seems i've been eating like once a day, but not due to the 커피 와 담배 coffee and cigarettes, just cause I dont feel like eating, Id rather stay in that box of a cell that is my room and twidle around with the things I have. theres some funny lines in that movie anyways, and its like bring up the stereotypes of having coffee and cigarettes, i got uncomfortable and I understood what was happening haha we are a coffee and ciagarette generation...for those who do the combination. not the story of my life but maybe a chapter. I wish I had some rollies, or I wish I just quit. period.

hannah I think its been over a week since I saw you, and I think this will be the first form of communication that we have in a while. but is this communicating if I just talk to you and you read and don't respond back any how? are you coming to art studio today? you should... at least I'll see you tomorrow...right? hahah now I'm just bsing

time is the most important thingyou can give somebody, but at this point i'm giving my time, almost 40 minutes now to this thing. at least people are here to appreciate this. but is this where my time hsould be going? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm