so I did deactive and reactivate my facebook acount. if I ddin't feel a want to get to friends, I duno what its about that page that makes my head spin. hmm strange though. i'll probably disappear off of it periodically, just for fun. it was nice, being busy and away from the internet for a few days, 33 hrs into china from laos on a bus, 14 hours from kunming in the yunnan province to guilin in the guanxi province, to where I am now cold and sitting on a comp at our hostel, which happens to be pretty swank...shall I take a picture fr you folks?? so im bored, mixed inbetween my life. maybe I just don't have anything of what I need, my mom, my les paul, a place to call home. I do have 6 or 7 cds that have been listened to one to many times on this trip, i'm with these two people that know all my manurisms like no other and happen to mock them constantly keukeu fuckers cause i know they might read this eventually. so what should I write about?? i've got some good stuff, lots of time to think yknow, but its like what do I want to tell you. I pondered relationships...you know the quality of face book, it lets you 'keep in touch' but what does that mean? like what you write, it really doesn't bring you anywhere closer, it just doesn't seem to. but it doesn't hurt either but when the time comes where we are together, none of it will matter and it will be just as it was. so till the time where I make sure you have my email, and I have yours, i'll just periodically delete my facebook account..k?
so you, i'm not ready to be friends with you like I said. i'm still hurt and I don't look at you the same. i don't appreciate you. you were my best friend why would you treat me so thoughtlessly and carelessly. i was just another boy when I thought i was that special. you know I loved you man, for those years you helped me grow, you gave me appretiation for conversation broke my shell was patient in getting to know me. you showed me what it means to spend quality time together just hanging out, talking, walking, chillen. I loved just being with you, you brought out the optomistic, the happy loving friendly and outgoing me. damn I wish I still saw you like that. but thanks it was you not me. you told me you liked me, you kissed me and you where the one not picking up your phone. I got the tail end of the rope you handed me. you ignored me for months when I loved you the most, when I wanted to just see you the most, talk to you the most, hug you the most. i don't look at you the same. it hurts cause I used to be able to tell you everything, I used to see you beautifully, a great person, so fun, outgoing, getting deep when it mattered, fucking interesting and so fucking cool i used to call you my best friend love, you took a piece out of me and now thats lost, you dno't have it either and you'll never get it back till this boy here heals. i thought I could have called you when I needed someone, but now your not that girl. your not that girl i'll want to invite to my sisters wedding so i could have a killer dance partner, your not that girl i'd want to live for. your just another one of those people i'm trying to get out of my life.. isn't that sad? and thats getting bitter, i'll say what up if i see you playing ultimate, but i'm not making any more efforts, you don't deserve it after this. your spring break fling less than a week hanging otgether was worth degrading our years of friendship to where I can't even... I guess I could see some goodin that, where we wouldn't have worked. you couln't treat me good to have me. you didn't deserve the time I put into you. and yet you still have me expressing my pains to you, trying to get over you, when u dont even think of me. the sweet and the sour, this 07 summer was amazing wasn't it Krew?? we bonded so well together, chilled and built such strong relationships with each other, I guess it couldn't hvae been that sweet without the sour of you, I duno if you read this, and its time for you to hurt a little cause to me you don't care. period. I hope this causes a reaction. no i'm not ready to be friends with you, so take care of yourself i'm bigger than that and i'm going bigger now. i'm not saying any more, till you come up with some shit to make me care. to make me see that what our friendship was does even matter. i'm over you, over our friendship and thats bitter and cold and what your getting. fuck it i'm done.
my strongest relationships have been built on friendship. lately i've lost touch of that root foundation to how meaningful it is to have a good friend. and to that one i'm expressing good things to, I hope I get my chance to get to know you one step at a time as friends, and I hope we'll be cool, cause thats what friends are. just cool. it always takes me a bit to come around. thanks yoseb that was some good advice and pretty understandable too hey I tahked him in a previus post so long ago, I should dig thta up. so to my friends I do miss u all very much, and its fun having you guys work your ways into my mind, randomly and cooly i sometimes take a laugh and definantly an appreciation because of the opportunities He has given us, for the paths he has had me take to allow me to meet you, to actually know who you are in the mix of soo many people in the world. to have a thought of you, an exisitence and a presence. man because without him...to me you wouldn't know, you wouldn't know me, you wouldn't be reading this. appreciate that shit whether you take another perspective on it, appreciate it. sigh i feel sad but thtas okay i'm calm and pretty good, but sad.
but what to know something new?
i've been working my way to becoming a vegetarian..
i've stopped buying packs of cigarettes and pretty much kicked the habit, except for the fluke of having one today for some unknown reason...but i did blow smoke rings for you guys o o o o just like that.
i'm working on stopping substance abuse. its going farely well to, it just hurts my mind, body and soul. leads to worse things than good, we'll see i'm still setting my boundaries.
i just need to get on the cardiovascular, i can barely take a good solid breath and exhale before i need another.
maybe its the pollution...k
geut (end)
and how was it, cause i feel better now. does this get you thinking, does this make you miss me? can you see me, hear me feel me anything inspired? i put time and patience and thought. i put me in where I feel most comfortable. I never doubt myself here. this is where I am me at my me most, at all different times of day, differen't emotional states, this is me your getting here. I wrote a wonderful email a little bit back, only one to him, 2 3 weeks later one to me, 2 3 weeks later one back to him. reading his email I could feel his thought into the writing. I could nearly hear the words saying that stuff as I read. do you feel the same?? Its been a while sine i've appreciated conversation, appreciated silence, appreciated a handshake, and appreciated a friend. he was the only friend that iIi made on my exchange...it feels like that. thats not true. but god damn 2 weeks and i've never felt i've understood or been that understood by anybody else. ps i'm nt fucking gay
so to prove that, which one of you girls wants to make this boy feel needed? who can hit me that hard to make me care for you? to take my time and effort to get to know you? we'll see what you throw at me. i'll just walk that path and maybe your path will meet mine. I hope so. but God he knows I've got to put my effort in, i've got choice hes making things work out smoothly along the path. hes really shown me great things, and shown me some terrible things whre I know I can't go, fuck that shit i'm changing for the better. heard the term bored as hell? yeah me and him..we talked about that, and he showed me that. but he also showed me whats good, the passion towards the people I love, and how close they are to my heart, and how much they matter to me it was the most amazing time i've had and it was in a sense and put a miracle. I hope I get another chance with that, i'll just keep trying.
ps when i get back to korea, every other post with be in hanguk a. laterssss oh yeah gelly since shit doesn't creep you out, me and pat have gtten so close where i said my butt hurt, and hes like thats caue I raped you last night. i'm like that must have been hard, small space 3 stacks up on that train bed. yeah it was tough. ya like? haahaha I think over an hour went into this post. impressive much? wasted much? get a life much? in moderation is the game, peter is the name. hopefully i wnot be on for a nother 3 days...! fuck you facebook! hahah
so you, i'm not ready to be friends with you like I said. i'm still hurt and I don't look at you the same. i don't appreciate you. you were my best friend why would you treat me so thoughtlessly and carelessly. i was just another boy when I thought i was that special. you know I loved you man, for those years you helped me grow, you gave me appretiation for conversation broke my shell was patient in getting to know me. you showed me what it means to spend quality time together just hanging out, talking, walking, chillen. I loved just being with you, you brought out the optomistic, the happy loving friendly and outgoing me. damn I wish I still saw you like that. but thanks it was you not me. you told me you liked me, you kissed me and you where the one not picking up your phone. I got the tail end of the rope you handed me. you ignored me for months when I loved you the most, when I wanted to just see you the most, talk to you the most, hug you the most. i don't look at you the same. it hurts cause I used to be able to tell you everything, I used to see you beautifully, a great person, so fun, outgoing, getting deep when it mattered, fucking interesting and so fucking cool i used to call you my best friend love, you took a piece out of me and now thats lost, you dno't have it either and you'll never get it back till this boy here heals. i thought I could have called you when I needed someone, but now your not that girl. your not that girl i'll want to invite to my sisters wedding so i could have a killer dance partner, your not that girl i'd want to live for. your just another one of those people i'm trying to get out of my life.. isn't that sad? and thats getting bitter, i'll say what up if i see you playing ultimate, but i'm not making any more efforts, you don't deserve it after this. your spring break fling less than a week hanging otgether was worth degrading our years of friendship to where I can't even... I guess I could see some goodin that, where we wouldn't have worked. you couln't treat me good to have me. you didn't deserve the time I put into you. and yet you still have me expressing my pains to you, trying to get over you, when u dont even think of me. the sweet and the sour, this 07 summer was amazing wasn't it Krew?? we bonded so well together, chilled and built such strong relationships with each other, I guess it couldn't hvae been that sweet without the sour of you, I duno if you read this, and its time for you to hurt a little cause to me you don't care. period. I hope this causes a reaction. no i'm not ready to be friends with you, so take care of yourself i'm bigger than that and i'm going bigger now. i'm not saying any more, till you come up with some shit to make me care. to make me see that what our friendship was does even matter. i'm over you, over our friendship and thats bitter and cold and what your getting. fuck it i'm done.
my strongest relationships have been built on friendship. lately i've lost touch of that root foundation to how meaningful it is to have a good friend. and to that one i'm expressing good things to, I hope I get my chance to get to know you one step at a time as friends, and I hope we'll be cool, cause thats what friends are. just cool. it always takes me a bit to come around. thanks yoseb that was some good advice and pretty understandable too hey I tahked him in a previus post so long ago, I should dig thta up. so to my friends I do miss u all very much, and its fun having you guys work your ways into my mind, randomly and cooly i sometimes take a laugh and definantly an appreciation because of the opportunities He has given us, for the paths he has had me take to allow me to meet you, to actually know who you are in the mix of soo many people in the world. to have a thought of you, an exisitence and a presence. man because without him...to me you wouldn't know, you wouldn't know me, you wouldn't be reading this. appreciate that shit whether you take another perspective on it, appreciate it. sigh i feel sad but thtas okay i'm calm and pretty good, but sad.
but what to know something new?
i've been working my way to becoming a vegetarian..
i've stopped buying packs of cigarettes and pretty much kicked the habit, except for the fluke of having one today for some unknown reason...but i did blow smoke rings for you guys o o o o just like that.
i'm working on stopping substance abuse. its going farely well to, it just hurts my mind, body and soul. leads to worse things than good, we'll see i'm still setting my boundaries.
i just need to get on the cardiovascular, i can barely take a good solid breath and exhale before i need another.
maybe its the pollution...k
geut (end)
and how was it, cause i feel better now. does this get you thinking, does this make you miss me? can you see me, hear me feel me anything inspired? i put time and patience and thought. i put me in where I feel most comfortable. I never doubt myself here. this is where I am me at my me most, at all different times of day, differen't emotional states, this is me your getting here. I wrote a wonderful email a little bit back, only one to him, 2 3 weeks later one to me, 2 3 weeks later one back to him. reading his email I could feel his thought into the writing. I could nearly hear the words saying that stuff as I read. do you feel the same?? Its been a while sine i've appreciated conversation, appreciated silence, appreciated a handshake, and appreciated a friend. he was the only friend that iIi made on my exchange...it feels like that. thats not true. but god damn 2 weeks and i've never felt i've understood or been that understood by anybody else. ps i'm nt fucking gay
so to prove that, which one of you girls wants to make this boy feel needed? who can hit me that hard to make me care for you? to take my time and effort to get to know you? we'll see what you throw at me. i'll just walk that path and maybe your path will meet mine. I hope so. but God he knows I've got to put my effort in, i've got choice hes making things work out smoothly along the path. hes really shown me great things, and shown me some terrible things whre I know I can't go, fuck that shit i'm changing for the better. heard the term bored as hell? yeah me and him..we talked about that, and he showed me that. but he also showed me whats good, the passion towards the people I love, and how close they are to my heart, and how much they matter to me it was the most amazing time i've had and it was in a sense and put a miracle. I hope I get another chance with that, i'll just keep trying.
ps when i get back to korea, every other post with be in hanguk a. laterssss oh yeah gelly since shit doesn't creep you out, me and pat have gtten so close where i said my butt hurt, and hes like thats caue I raped you last night. i'm like that must have been hard, small space 3 stacks up on that train bed. yeah it was tough. ya like? haahaha I think over an hour went into this post. impressive much? wasted much? get a life much? in moderation is the game, peter is the name. hopefully i wnot be on for a nother 3 days...! fuck you facebook! hahah
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