I do these little things for people. to make it seem I care. I don't get it. And sometimes I consider there feelings too much, and it just doesn't make sense. I guess I need to chill out. I saw my lanugage buddy on the street, its been a long time since so we had a quick talk and said bye. for some reason I thought there had to be more said and I called and saw if she wanted to bowl with us...it was completely unecessary. I don't know.

so I don't even know who reads this, or why they read it. what keeps you guys coming back? what keeps you guys caring about me? I dunno.

apparently theres a lot of stuff I don't know. I feel weird. kinda nostalgic, but its different these days. I miss you guys. thats the feeling right now. some emptyness I couldn't really express. now I didn't take time before to reflect, but it surfaces on its own. I guess entering places I used to be, memories I made within them and the lack of the same thing makes me miss it all together. Life, its differen't, always changing. but it'll be cool cause it just works. cause I was thinking hey yak, like after I'm done here, maybe i'll show up in minnesota and be like, yo what up!? lets make this, (as we talked about make magazine yesterday).

hmm I'm longing and alone. I guess I'm good though. i'm doing alright. I haven't written in four or 5 days. i guess I don't feel like it. its kinda like I don't have my shit together, like I'm a waste of a person. i'm not in school. i don't have a job. I can't speak korean. i can't write korean. why am I on the down side right now, this is when somebodys got to be like be optimistic man. fuck it.

Ive been skating around ilsan lately. plugged in and got the things I need in my bag. I went through the hofs, not interesting at all. saw cafes that just didn't look good. just kept going, in and out of traffic, not caring if they're honking or wanting to run me over. up curbs over manholes I guess I lost myself in that and it was just good. I found an organic market and picked up some rice, fruits veggies and was on my way again. and now i'm in shinchon, got my bag and board and 'll probably go over to hongdae, I might work at gom dabang. hopefully I'll get to talk to somebody at school and take a look around the studios. the U's studio has the best kiln room in the nation, can you believe that? but the place is a cement cell, I just don't work well in those places. but when have I worked well? jeez man take it easy you made some good stuf fin your day. a thing about my work, it starts off improvised, always its a bit abstract. I need direction in my own. so yeah' i'll do traditional and functional korean art. okay I can do that. but still I start to fast, without a thought, and I have to go back and refine the mistakes I made along the way that just with a little more thought and quality put it it would have been what I really wanted. all this writing is stupid, cause I can contradict everything I just said in my mind with something else I've done. this is frustrating. but I don't want to leave it at this. why bother. this is differen't to me, but if you probably read the whole blog, its probably the same, I think i'm doing something differen't but to somebody elses eye its the same style. so I guess that solidifies its me, no matter how so its just me.