- go skateboarding" says jake.
I did express myself. that was dark. depression, the cuts allow to forget. but that isn't the way. under bad influence, kurt cobain wasn't the most set person...
this whole being christian thing helps, but sometimes I just don't think of where to turn first, and I sometimes just CANT read the bible. just a baby believer though cause I know what that means...
i destroyed one round in star craft, jake took the second, seems pat just gets fucked in between us.
i worked today, worked good coffee for sure. showed me the "moca pot" makes it damn near espresso mhmmm next time bring some milk. i'm tired, four hours of sleep, I can't believe I got up this morning. clubbing last night, cept the pre funk at the bar was boring. waited like 3 hrs i ended up walking away from everybody and chilled alone till they met me up later at the club. weird. i just couldn't wait anymore.
and I'm not even tired, cause all those cups i was practicing making good coffee, I tasted...at like 6 7 8 9 damn I was there a while today. hopefully I fall asleep, a good rule for me, if I wanted to sleep, quit 5 hours ahead.
so if you work hard, you can get a lot out of the things you do in life. cause I was like yeah cause if you study and work hard in korean class you can get a lot out of it, and shes like, thats like everything in life.. oh yeah niceeeee.
i'm changing exponentially..yak said hes pretty much done changing, good business I'll grow for a while right now.
i like dont have control of my life, something is just calling me and it doesn't look like I'll be attending the U anymore..
wanna know something crazy? i look at wellsfargo online i have an oustanding credit bill, and like brokness in checking.. i check another day.. i have still an oustanding credit bill..checking..11,000 dollars. hmm howd you get there?
the other day down to three gssss. today i didn't wait any longer, if the bank fucked up I promis i'll give the money back. today checking 800. credit bill 0.00. holla! i won the lottery!
i'm going to take my depression and kick it in the butt in differen't ways. but i'd rather not hurt people so i still want to go see that guy at the counsceling center, better late than never.
expression is good, before you crack speak up. it was really hard but the reaction and feedback was well worth it, it was intense. but I spoke up willingly, under no influence just myself. it helped a lot, I saw their perspective, it is actually a scary deal. i can't hurt myself its just not worth it. the pain it could cause. I said I don't want to hurt people, don't hurt yourself cause that does hurt people who care about you. sigh. i'm so hungry. i had a sandwich from 7 11 and milk for linner, i can't believe I didn't eat dinner. i'm so deprived i didn't eat a real meal today, fruit and some bread and kimbab after service. ohhh i'm soo hungry and I can't even make breakfast tomorrow morning, maybe we can catch breakfast at jakes hasuk.
ps if you get a chance I do killer breakfast. its so diverse and its cooking that is delicious. I could make your mouth water, but that would make my stomach hurt more. jake doesn't seem to want to go yet so i'll keep writing.
the messages are great, i write during service, its like taking notes in philosophy class, but with sincere meaning. and I look at those notes and it feels like philosophy i can relate to, a weird perspective. but its amazing. i wont get into it.
i'm still so hungry. i can't believe i'm running after 4 hours of sleep. insane. i'm going be weak and sick, and i'm going bungy jumping ahha thats so wrong in spelling in tminus some hours. i duno if i'd fall asleep, my plan to crash failed.
i put off a weird vibe, I must. or something. maybe i'm to serious. i like doing what I like to do. when I have to do stuff other people like to do, then I just get sucked in. like the bar, I was supposed to have a shot and a brew, then I was good. ready to go. but like I said 3 hrs later finally we went. i was pretty tired by then. I guess I just wont go clubbing anymore. i said last night I missed dancing with girls that turn. but I grooved with a s. african chick, she said she liked my nose ring. we got down to some olddd school music haha I saw the sign, it opened up my eyes I saw the sign, shes like you might not have been born when this song came out, I was like I know it. this is what I mean when I said I like old r and b and hip hop, music like that old mariah cary and coolio shit like that but I duno how to get into that music, i guess I could try.
me and this photographer are trying to hook up, now i've got my grind so were trying to get me into the studio. I want to do some artistic nude exposure, where you hide stuff tastefully. I like hanging out naked after my shower, i duno. but i probably should just take my time, ive got all these thoughts, but then its like a funny thought process, and it applys to like everything. so when time comes it all fits. its weird. i dig it tho. i'm listening to blue grass sessions. good stuff.
blahb lahb alh
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