in a mad rush to prove myself a college graduate, i sought after work. i said yes to everything at the expensive of my joy. i burdened myself with my own greed, and tried to make a way to provide for myself. i've never concerned myself this much about how, what, when and where, and it wasn't right for me to do so just because i've got this new found freedom. (bursting the schooling bubble)
i talked with my father today. told him i've been unhappy these days trying to make ends meet. told him i'm getting paid like a dog, my hands are washing dishes instead of creating things, and i've sold out to be a tool instead of being a linchpin. i was easily dispensable, i would have loved to have been taken over by a dish washer.
i felt my gifts where going to waste. so now is the time to take a step back. put in my two weeks notice. to leave room for whatever is in store. leave room for God to be God. leave room for excitement and the unknown to be uncontrolled. (i've been striving to maintain control) leave room for people, guitar practice, writing songs, writing blogs, taking pictures, fixing stuff, exercising, being happy doing things I love (north face gym this friday)
its interesting that i've lived this many years and still don't know myself. without connecting the dots, i had no idea the reasons i had been unhappy and dissatisfied these days. i think its a clear sign of what i'm to do, and what not to do. when I took a second job, i became angry and defeated, i beat my head on the tile wall, i screamed in the bathroom. my foolish decisions to prove myself.
so like 2008, when i didn't think twice about dropping out, didn't think twice about living in korea, didn't think twice about the future, i leave room for whatever to happen, and i am expectant for the adventures to come.
i talked with my father today. told him i've been unhappy these days trying to make ends meet. told him i'm getting paid like a dog, my hands are washing dishes instead of creating things, and i've sold out to be a tool instead of being a linchpin. i was easily dispensable, i would have loved to have been taken over by a dish washer.
i felt my gifts where going to waste. so now is the time to take a step back. put in my two weeks notice. to leave room for whatever is in store. leave room for God to be God. leave room for excitement and the unknown to be uncontrolled. (i've been striving to maintain control) leave room for people, guitar practice, writing songs, writing blogs, taking pictures, fixing stuff, exercising, being happy doing things I love (north face gym this friday)
its interesting that i've lived this many years and still don't know myself. without connecting the dots, i had no idea the reasons i had been unhappy and dissatisfied these days. i think its a clear sign of what i'm to do, and what not to do. when I took a second job, i became angry and defeated, i beat my head on the tile wall, i screamed in the bathroom. my foolish decisions to prove myself.
so like 2008, when i didn't think twice about dropping out, didn't think twice about living in korea, didn't think twice about the future, i leave room for whatever to happen, and i am expectant for the adventures to come.
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