I just got home from an amazing evening. Maybe a moment, one of those moments. I met up with some bros I meet up every week, chill, talk through stuff, encourage, and pray. I got some stuff i've been really working through into the open; I've just been sad lately about how my parents got divorced. I'm finally grieving it.

Instead of taking the narrow bridge home, I took the roundabout on the river. I biked as fast as I possibly could, almost as if I was flying and being freed from my sorrow. I glided past those on the right (slow pokes) as I was watching the scenery mix beautifully with the beautiful sweet music play in my ears phones. I moved swiftly like a fine tuned machine; I have gotten to know my bicycle very well and have learned to trust in it. His name is bike. Down shifting up hills, up shifting to push through into the higher speeds, man was it fun. I stopped in front of Yeouido Full Gospel (the worlds largest church imagine that) and climbed the stairs to cross the wider bridge. I made my way across, passing the bird sanctuary on the island below me. I decided to get on the road because around this time (10:00 pm) the side streets are pretty empty. I proceeded to bike as fast as I could, and climbed a steep slope, feeling like Lance Armstrong hurrying to catch the remaining of green light. When I broke the intersection there was an amazing hill going downward. At the bottom I entered a tunnel made of trees and branches. The roof narrowed and brought me comfort and joy. I stretched my arms out and was just in awe of the romance I was experiencing. It felt like NYC riding with Shiraz...everywhere. I started getting the feeling I was so near my dad. I felt like he was so proud of me, so happy for me; just because I was so happy. I felt like I was riding the first bike he gave me.

I wish I could have shared it with somebody, somebody who likes to go fast.

Anyways I've been listening to; Trampled by Turtles, Album Leaf (a favorite now) has been on my repeat, and the books (a ton of fun) I've been shaking the rust off at school, throwing my different cylinders and such and such, I start blowing glass again in a couple of weeks, i've been getting along great with my friends at school, I finally got a friend I can call up at every lunch and dinner opportunity (man I've missed that since my freshman year of college, the first time) Things are good, rough, but good.

My sister is getting married in Cancun this winter, if I know you well, lemme know if you want to come!

So i've been caught up in a brain storm about what to do about my winter trip. My primary destination is Cancun for my sister's wedding! How great! Some cities I love; Minneapolis, San Francisco, Phoenix, New York City, all primarily because of the friends and family that are in those places.

I judge things based on adventure, so the less exciting it seems, the less likely I want to do it. I want to venture it up with Todd, possibly go into Colombia, or some other South American country. I havent been down there yet.

Minnesota I could help my sister with wedding preparations, just serve her and josh, and be a blessing. I could see all my friends! Get my license renewed My cousin Jin and a few other good friends of mine are in NYC...She just got married so it would be nice to see the fam but its a little random. I guess thats off the list. San Francisco, I was there last summer and loved it, and plus its a layover to Phoenix...So if I intend to fly directly to Phoenix I might as well take a few days. Phoenix would be good to see tigger and spend time with my mom, grandma, and other family.

BTW, let me know if you'd like to come down, maybe we can make something work!

one good reason for not getting married soon is that Studio Lumiere is going to be even more kick ass as time progresses. Not that we aren't already

I feel I cannot communicate. I can no longer be honest. I feel judged. I feel I have to live to an expectation. I feel I cannot live a normal life. I feel poisoned.

Studying and working on projects is good and fine, but it's the initial start that is hard to overcome. Why is that?

"Human trafficking can work only if the victims remain invisible to the public eye. We have to remove the veil of ignorance."

From my journal entry:
At small group we talked about excellence and it just left a bunch of questions in my mind; concerning not identifying in striving to be excellent to achieve identity. In "Not for Sale" it says on page 260... "you identify where your passion meets the needs of the world" We must be excellent for the sake of being a child of God and to be able to engage ourselves in the issues of the world. I was doubting why i'd perform this weekend at the Emmaus banquet because I don't feel like i'm the best singer and songwriter; but honestly it is bigger than me. The message and the needs of the world are so much greater than what a few people think of my songs. (Not for Sale) 1: The first part is to engage yourself in the activities that you feel you were put on the earth to do. 2: The second part is to carry out those activities so as to benefit others.

I'm going to scan the conclusion of this book for you guys to read. This book is probably number two in changing my perspective on life, and has potentially changed the direction of my life (I still have to take a step in the fight and then make my commitment.)

For the last two days i've been inquiring and asking about how bad working must suck. And indeed it probably does. Therefore i've decided not to stitch together jobs to make an impressive resume that will pay me big bucks. I hate institution a lot of the time, but theres no getting around it. Many times I felt like our entire lives were an institution with a goal of making money. Doesn't it seem like the purpose of life is to make money? Why do we go to school, and to college, and what is the first thing we are so desperate to do after college? Why do we work so hard so we can retire and be old and boring and have all this money for no good purpose? I didn't want to take it as far as forsake normality, sell everything, and live as a monk, but I don't want to live for money.

I've decided to pursue my vocation (part 1 and part 2). In building a vocation I will then "design and pursue meaningful endeavors." 'People from all different fields of work are needed in the fight to end slavery. We need lawyers to protect the rights and persecute the traffickers. We need entrepreneurs to provide jobs and create enterprise for newly freed slaves. Students are needed to research and to influence policy and the coming generations. Health and mental care workers need to be there to help fix the broken lives. Construction workers are needed to build shelters. You can imagine the list goes on and there is a need in every field of work. Heres a practical one, a person with two blankets needs to give one away to somebody in need. The movement needs your time, talent and money'

I've taken most of this post from the concluding paragraphs of the book "Not for Sale" Please, don't be so American. Pick up a book that teaches you something from the outside of your suburban boxes. Please.















Then most importantly, the church needs to react. Where compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and love was nailed on the cross for us, we have blasphemed the love of God by forsaking the command to love our neighbor as ourselves. We have created an institution of religious rules and fakers of disciples of Jesus. We have created a hierarchy of power that doesn't even submit to the word of God. We have sought money more than the face of God. We have created idols for ourselves and continually serve and worship things made by man. We have allowed NGOs to be the face of God, when they don't even believe in the work of the Holy Spirit. The brokenness of the world needs healing and restoration, and that restoration and healing can only fully be met by the love and touch of God! Please Church let us fight!

I was looking at the photos of one of my favorite photographers and I was just in awe, like usual, at the images he captures. I don't know if he saw in the way I was but there were so many images that were entertaining me. I'd take two thumbnails and juxtapose them to create a deeper meaning. Theres a double exposure of a guy with his fist on his chest; on top a close of up of I think the same guys face, making a heart wrenching expression. I proceeded and looked at a picture of a beautiful girl, and couldn't help the thought of pains in thinking about the one that got away. I wish, in my mind, she wouldn't have gotten away. The expression is so sincere and loving. But its not my life, so I can just hope that I wont relent for the one I will love.

Anyways when I get mad, I become introverted and take it out on myself mentally and physically. I shy away and am grump even into the next day! but I realized this wasn't right, as i'm dealing with my anger, turned to grumpiness right now and finally after having a depressing day, I came home, put on bellarive and kneeled facedown onto my bed, and just laid there. I waited on the calming still small voice and felt like I wanted to play some guitar. I feel much better now. I try and make my own way, I got in a bike accident yesterday, and my wheel is all jacked up. I went to the bike shop I like and they gave me a pricey estimate, I started to research my options and ask Todd to see if he can get one off ebay for me, he just told me to calm down and wait on the bike shop to see if they had anything else. I just got a text message saying I can pick up my bike and that they found a wheel for a quarter of the price! These little things make me happy. Today is turning around, and earlier I thought I can't wait to fall asleep and wake up so I can be happy, what a lie!