Tuesday, December 18, 2012

happy birthday isaac

its a period of tension.

a blessing that feels like a curse.  it is a moment of overflowing blessing, so much it feels overbearing.
never have I been more supported and celebrated in who I am and what I do, yet never have I felt more confused about where to walk, how to walk.

in the midst of too much thinking, I've slowed down to taste, to hear, to know what is good.  It began with learning how to drink espresso for what its worth.  To take in the smells of the roast, almost a scent of a bonfire.  i've learned to taste bitter, taste sweet.  to taste an over extraction from a proper one.  how a light, medium, dark roast differentiate from one another.  these small appreciations have been spilling over into other facets of my life.  i'm overcome with so much beautiful artistry that inspires me, but humbles me.

I was filmed for a tv special today.  also my baby brother was born today.  2 months premature, I am praying a lot for him, an emotional roller coaster, dang it Isaac!  you should have just stayed in the womb, but what a story this will tell.  Love you little bro and I havent even met you yet.

1 chronicles 16:8-36


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

posers give everything a bad name.  i hope i am not posing.  

Saturday, June 9, 2012

a not so typical day in the life

lately i've had the thoughts of what I'm supposed to do after graduation.  I am graduating in February with my graduation exhibition in December.  I have long awaited this time, and now that its drawing near, I've been evaluating with probably more mental energy than really necessary.  Life just works, so I don't really know what i'm fussing about...but... nonetheless I am.

Today, woke up thinking I had to go to missions training, but I didn't have to.  Nice!  Got the whole morning to myself.  Tried to do backed up homework, wasn't much of a success, but made bits of progress.  Enough to get it done when it is needed.

Rode my bike to Itaewon, had a jam session with K1 house of prayer, and rode back home to get ready for BK's bachelor party.  Got doored by a taxi on the way, that sucked.  Minor but sucky.  Walked the rest of the way up the hill and started to help the brotha's out.  We had a BBQ on top of Mat's roof, overlooking Hongdae, with the setting sun behind the haze in the distance.  It was very asian esque.  It was great.

I have my doubts.  More or less, more is less.  I'm suffering with the freedom of choice, kind of ironic?  Too many things I want to do, and the idea of doing them all makes me feel like a jack of all traits.  What do I want to do?  Be a professional bum that makes six figures; that can work three to four days a week so that a couple of days I can rock climb, play guitar, ride my bicycle, prep photo shoots, and the like.  The weekend I can better dedicate to ministry stuff and things of my liking.  But life probably isn't that easy, and probably all of that will leave me at the same level of fulfillment that it has given me now (cause that is the life I'm living minus the large amounts of money that would likely bring my grief.)

So what will I do?  Get a job.
What will I have to give up?
Dreams of being a rock climber/outdoor photographer.
Will I have to give up dreams of rocking shows with my band?  I don' think so, all of the members have day jobs as it is already.
I can use two of maybe the three weeks of vacation I have to go learn the trait of bicycle building and maintenance in Oregon so that is not totally out the window.
In the days end, these are all just my ideas, we will see what really happens.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

the reason i have been feeling so upset about giving my time to others is because it has been sacrificial.  it hurts to give.  

Monday, May 14, 2012

I just ran into an old man at the park.  first thing I thought was we (koreans and foreigners living in korea) need to be less critical of the cultural things in this country.

the old man with a shot wound in his hand asked me my story.  he was filled up with pride (in a good way) for this country and for my choice to come learn in this land.  he kept saying, your doing a great thing, and then along the lines of rise up, take places of influence, get the noble peace prize!  haha.  he explained that he wanted to raise his kids in the military, but his sons approached him and said, in this culture of ours, we are going to take these places of influence and be the best we can be in this one life we have.  The old man blessed them to do that.

the older generation pushed education so hard because that is all they had for hope to be successful in life.  And look where it has brought Korea in the last 50-60 years!   the development that has happened so quickly is incredible.

but now is another time and another cultural shift.  our generation is rising up and many of them are jaded by the education system and the pressures of success that are being placed upon this youth.  but with this heart there can be reformation!

I think the education system and the cultural pressures of success is about to be forever changed... again!
Good bye war time korea, hello creativity, peace, development, leisure, and hopefully more green spaces in the city of seoul!  

Monday, April 2, 2012

24 years

24 years ago, I was born on an Easter morning, with a thought in my mothers head, "how tiny you are!" It may have been one of the most joyous times in my parents lives. I hadn't done anything but I was still such a blessing.

I'm not a tiny baby anymore and life sure does go by fast. Maybe i'm still a little baby boy in my parents eyes, only when I'm a parent will I know that feeling.

I've received some amazing gifts, haha two of the same. I waited and waited, and voila, there are two Gopro cameras with my name on it haha. (my roommates got me one, also my dad got me one) Pretty sweet but I'll have to return one. Theres another box with the words Elixer on it, and I'm hoping it is my climbing harness. I've got some pretty incredible people around me.

But more than gifts and the like, more than anything, I want to be filled with an appreciation for life again. I know the emotional depth and evaluation of life's sincerity is particularly special on ones birthday, but I'd like to start developing a sense of my life's philosophy.

Be blessed to be a blessing. Righteousness is not for the sake of being holy and better off than others, its to be a whole person, walking in freedom and love, to help others who aren't all quite there yet.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

theres a great temptation to begin to reject others when things get hard. and that temptation sounds good.

where will you stand peter?

maybe more than rejecting, learning boundaries would be better.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I feel more mediocre than ever. This is going to be great when I get past this. Here I come excellence.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

LIFE

I wish I lived in a big room, with a bed, maybe a desk, and padding everywhere; in a Minneapolis warehouse district loft.

I wish there was a drum set in the corner, with a mix of stringed instruments and an old standup piano.

I wish there were mics and cables stringing the floors.

I see Emy casually laying on her blankets, an aged female. I've got leather slippers on that are being tattered from years of wear. There are stacks of large pots from the days of college when I used to produce. On the walls opposing the large glass paned windows are paintings from close friends, and images from all over the world portraying a variety of passions and beauties.
I enter the kitchen, smelling of fresh coffee. In this kitchen is stainless counters on three sides and an industrial style kitchen sink. There is a large wooden table in the middle with a large fruit bowl; pots, pans, and appliances underneath. I go to the energy efficient fridge and take out a bagel, bour sin, smoked salmon and capers, with a perrier and orange juice. chow chow chow.

I grab a wooden sherlock and walk past the living room; with an aged black leather couch with brass rivets and a dark coffee table on a tan patterned rug and head to the balcony to appreciate the trees with their newly formed blossoms. With the flick of a match, snap, crackle, puff.

I hear the ring of a buzzer and I go to open the door. In walks the most beautiful woman of my life. Emy rises to her feet to greet this woman. I give her a hug and kiss and welcome her in. She helps herself into the kitchen and fixes some tea with milk and honey. She grabs her favorite mug and takes a seat on the sofa. After I put on a record, I sit next to her and she cuddles under my arm; with a warm crackle our favorite album begins to play, whispering sweet sweet nothings.

In a moments appreciation, I feel like I'm in heaven. Until the effects of the pipe fast forwarded my morning breakfast and I need to excuse myself. Opening the door with the glass doorknob, I turn on the bright lights and sit on the brown throne. I stare at the opposing wall, a mosaic of colorful tiles. As I get up, I see a spider struggling to climb the walls of the victorian bathtub. I put him in a paper cup and take him out to the balcony, passing a witty comment coming from the girlfriend. [you tree hugger]

I ask her if she wants more tea; she says no. I ask her if she wants to dance; she says yes. As we sway and turn I tell her 'I'm glad I can be me around you. Thank you.' She kisses me on the cheek and says 'you are lucky I'm me.'

With another buzz, I feel rudely interrupted. I go to the door to see who it is. I shout out, look who it is! My two closest friends walk up and we all greet each other with brotherly love. My one friend says 'I brought over a new mic for you to test out.' He pulls out his macbook and hooks it up to my interface, and my other friend goes over and pulls out our favorite Strat, the kind of one that we could do our best to imitate the great Jimi Hendrix. Andrew pulls out the mic and sets it up for Love to sing into. With a soft whine, the tube amp is warmed up, and Max begins fingering his way around the fretboard. I say quit molesting my guitar, lets tone it down to the acoustic bells days. I pick up the inherited Martin and with layers and parts we begin to create sweet sweet nothings.

Andrew gets up and heads to the kitchen and shouts across, anybody want a sandwich? Hamburgers and ketchup? Emy is second into the kitchen, then Max heads over and pulls out an avocado and the two begin to create a luncheon feast. Emy just stares upward... 'Whats the Krew is up to? I get a reply of something like, 'kids, wife, job' that sort of response. Then a question; when are you two going to get married? She rolls her eyes and I say 'when Jesus returns on a cloud of fire... Ouch!' She walks over to Andrew and puts her arm around him and proposes to him. He says yes... What the f man?

Max proposes that we take the sandwiches on a picnic. We all say yes without any bitterness to that proposal and throw the sandwiches in my large chrome messenger. I grab my Leica as Max asks if we can take the a couple of Surly Furious tall boys. Love calls shotgun, Andrew shouts you gotta see the car! Max runs takes the keys and jumps into the front seat with Emy walking all on his crotch to climb into the back. With a bit of bicker about the shot gun rules, I shrug and say someones gotta DJ. With a few revs we are in 5th gear off to Lake Calhoun.

Max puts on something perfect for the occasion and I ask Andrew to roll me a cigarette. Love gives me a look so I tell him not to worry about it. With a screech of rubber, the shift of the gear into reverse, and the pull of the E-brake, we have arrived!

With a sound of opening velcro, papers bags, and can tops, we chat and laugh as we eat. We throw the frisbee on the grass for a bit with Emy running circles around the disc. I take a few pictures of us enjoying our afternoon, the near naked tree branches and the lake that is starting to change color to the liking of the sky. We watch the sun set and a million colors fill the sky around the Minneapolis skyline. He tries to cuddle close to my love and I shove him away, telling him to get a date. He replies, I'm the one with a ring on my finger!

We all jump back into the car, drop the top down and drive through Lyndale. We drive past the buzzing night life with their bourgeois get ups. Past cafes and Vietnamese restaurants, smoke shops and record stores. We pass the Walker Art center and Loring Park, and head into downtown heading back home on the local roads. We detour a bit and park near the Stone Arch Bridge. I comment, wishing we would have brought our acoustic guitars, like we did when we played in downtown Wayzata.

I sit on the ledge, and she leans into me. Max asks if he can play with my camera and uses Neumiller and Emy as his models. Full of swag and confidence. The air is cool and calm now. The sound of water underneath us all is soothing and humbling. The stars are sparkling in the clear, dark blue sky. The lights glimmer on the river downstream and everything feels like a Van Gogh painting.

We call it a night, Andrew and Max get in their cars, and Love comes back in. We pop pop pop some corn and put on a flick. She falls asleep, instead of me for once, and I tell her to go lay in my bed. Emy goes in with her and lies on her blankets. I make a bed for myself on the couch and put on our favorite record, and fall asleep to sweet sweet nothings.

Someday.






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