fixing a broken heart.

I dont care what you look like, I dont care what kind of job you have, I dont care how much money you have. If you would go into the darkest of places, into the lives of the very broken, and pour all that your heart is able to out into these people, you hold a very special place in my heart.

Its so hard speaking with friends who just dont know. To speak to a friend who can talk lightly about prostitution, when there are children, boys and girls, having to sell their bodies to be raped just for a piece of daily bread.

I looked for photographs concerning garbage dumps and the children that suffer trying to find things to eat and sell. The comments made me feel so shallow, 'great composition, powerful shot, this makes my heart ache' I feel so worldly. What good and use is my photography. I thought about this. Its only when I get there, to show the world of the absolutely broken, and then tell the story of how Jesus healed their disease, gave them their daily bread, poured out so much more love to forgive themselves for the lives they had to live, and show the new wine skin, bestowed on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. I dont really know how I'd respond. If I was taken to a garbage dump site, would I be able to withstand the sensory overload. Imagine hearing the cries of children sick and starving, image the piles of garbage, flies, rotting food that'd I'd be stepping on, the smells coming from all of that. I'd probably gag. I'd also probably be told to hug that child thats on his hands and knees, I'd probably be told to give him something to eat, I'd probably try and speak with him, tell him I love him.

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/29/heroes.noun/index.html
When I saw this come on the news... I thought she was doing a good thing. To call her a hero, thats another thing. As I was watching this in Phnom Pehn in 2008, I looked over behind the desk beside the tv to the cork tumbtack on the wall, where pictures of sister Sothea were posted. The pictures showed she was working with a small group of young orphan adults, ministering in the same garbage dumps, reaching out to the starving, sick, lost, and broken. They went out with gifts, and encouragments, and love. Right under my nose I saw the news being lived. Its only a step away. i'm one step away from, instead of seeing the child who is joyful and so happy to be loved and welcomed into home to one step of seeing him before, when I'd be taking that abandoned child from off the garbage dump, broken, starving, and looking for a home. Thats a real testimony.

I worry about the simplest things in life. The next excuse I'll have to make so I wont have to help with the school theme week, if I'll be able to reserve a moving truck. If I'll be able to clean my home, before I move my furniture. Sometimes I just do take things for granted. I skip one meal and complain of my hunger. I feast my eyes on clothes, cameras, girls, the worthless thing they're selling on the corner. Whats it all for. Sometimes I wish I was able to sell it all, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus into the areas where his love is greatest. I'm that young rich man, who walks away unable to do so.

I never realized I'd been sent out of Minnesota. I hadn't figured out what drew me to Korea in the first place. That purpose is still unknown, but that purpose is still yet to be revealed.

I was so selfish. And it feels like I'm even more now. I know so much more I need to give it all I have, but I dont. I'm learning though. I'm trying to be the best servant I can be. Its not about what you can take from people, its about what you can give. My friends have given me such a diverse upraising, and now its my turn to go out and bless friends, family, brothers and sisters.

This is what my heart broke for recently. Now you know.

We all sit on different paths, I'm just waiting for ours to meet up again. I hope this is speaking to you.