how come the teacher that ends up changing your life is the teacher that gives you the hardest time. mr johnson, why did I score a 1 on each of those essays? I still dont even know. And why if your a gyopo just like me, let me write that 10 page ceramic paper in english? but all in all I have to do it, so I'm going to do a damn fine job. but dang its going to be hard, 10 pages. including chinese rooted words and college level grammer when I comprehend like a chodeung haksaeng. gotta give me some credit, i'm not that baddddd. I'm waiting for the heater to get some warm water running so I can take a shower. I'm loving my classes, i'm confused and now things are getting straightened out. got my hand solid and comfortable wedging clay, now I have to get centering back down to the middle and comfortable cause I'm super confused in my centering identity. taught one year by mr braun one way, by nancy the second year another way, using an opposite hand years down the line by a korean teacher. oh boy maybe I just need to practice haha. which I did today I went in at like 10 pm, it was awesome I had the whole wheel throwing room to myself plugged in and just looking at wow, your moving clay again how awesome. Its pretty much spring I came home right after my first class cause I really wanted to get my homework done but on the way I walked past some branches and there were these tiny green buds forming and I was at a loss, but then I chilled out said it'd only take 10 minutes and grabbed my sketch book and took a short walk, spinning occasionally because everything made me feel in the presence of absolut beauty. I wish you were there with me, but i wonder if those feelings are sharable, its been a while since I've just been absolutely happy and free and in that much wanting to grasp everything with somebody. last time was probably in amsterdam with max in the park close to the van gogh museum... how did we end up walking there? that was amazing absolutely wonderful. i've got a korean tudor tomorrow and I'm excited for it. I'm actually doing homework and its wonderful learning so very slowly but it amazes me because that one thing I learn pops up during my day through a teacher, class, or friend. fun. its like you can only do to the amount you know, goes for a lot of things. sort of interesting that i dont fill my brain enough sometimes. I keep myself busy, and i dont know if this is a good thing. i think so but it doesnt seem like I just have enough time to space, a days worth to just give myself time to be like okay yeah this is spur the moment but I think i'll do that. i've got like a couple hours here and there and that doesnt really give me enough but its better than nothing. running circles. great. umm I ordered a desk today, crucial. walked down the street and was like how much does a desk cost to make...ohh really, aright yeah that sounds good better than that premade one and that used piece down the street. I got hunted on the street today walking to my school at night. waiting at the cross walk i was approached and was told, my friend is into you, can we have your number? I was going to say something in the line of umm this is really really weird and I think your a little crazy but instead i told them in a korean american and put my phone number in their phone, only in korea...weird. and they proceeded to text message me which I proceeded to shebeoh. maybe i'll text back for some korean writing practice... I didnt even get a look at the girl that was supposedly into me...moving on. theres a small group of girls that are quite nice in my major. and its so sad in a funny way... cause we were pretty much forced to hang out with the seniors which proceeds to heavy drinking for most... way because there like pre i want to just go home, and I too so we get seated at a long table and at the end is this girl who is just fin wild not obnoxious but likes drinking just a little to much. so I started to notice nice quiet geun ah start smiling and drooping out of existence and I'm just like oh boyyy. as i proceed to not drink rubbing alcohol and 5 year old not eating peas it under my seat as I turn to sunny who has to take this mixture o death and I proceeded to take it from her, bad news man. I mean i'm fine but poor girls drinking in this culture is ruthless. when I got seated in between two girls in the group I started speaking to an upperclassmen that jokes to much to me so I just speak in ban mal to her usually, and then those two girls start screaming in my year to say yo at the end of my sentences so I freak out in my head which proceeds to me jumping over the booth to say I'm leaving. I was looking for an excuse and the one thing that drives me insane is screaming girls, more than anything I can think of as of now that will make me leave. jaemesuh? no. umm. I'm looking to sophomore year. my year of gosaeng to where I'll be able to understand my classes, be able to communicate my arts meaning, and write papers. where I'll be comfortable enough to not suck up by showing up to dumb events and hopefully have some close friends which I do have but all i'm saying is a little different. someone at school who I can bounce with and push each other. but 10 pages. ha its nothing look at me rambling now i've got my structure laid out now I just gotta get my research done, write, translate, write and translate, then have mijung nuna help me with grammatical mistakes and voila lee jin sam I sucked it up and it suck a lot but thank you.