so I'm in for a season of testing. Regarding my smoking pot post I was really encouraged by some brothers who went through that period, and by sisters who were nearly shocked and really supportive in a loving fashion. So word I feel I can say no properly. For using has given that false sense of realness, and spiritualness, but its still a drug. and so it was placed on this earth, but where humans meant to pollute the earth with smog of industry and exhuast of cars? was man supposed to inhale carbons and tar and in a sense exhaust into our lungs? so whats the sacrifice? that I be delivered from my use of drugs, to truly honesty tell my mother, family (which is quite big and with a family whos eyes are on me, in high hopes for me in my future) that I dont smoke. and that i'd be unashamed to speak of it, to help a friend be set free from it. if thats my sacrifice, I'll pay it gladely. as for mushrooms, the sense of disappearing from this land, and entering the spiritual nonsafehaven of our mind... i'll pass on what a false sense of truth that is. and stare at anything, and it'll start looking weird, just like when you say a word over and over, it loses its meaning, and develops a weird tone. God made the world beautiful, and he gave us emotions to appreciate that with, so go sit on that bench as you would, enjoy that moments quietness shared between two living souls, and appreciate the time you have on earth because its short lived. The arts are an expression of your ideas and passions and you have your definition of art. why hinder the creativity that is in you by trying to take by "creating" a sense of deepening meaning with the us of drugs, that will further our dependence on it in those times we feel we need to be creative. being creative just takes time, and energy, and patience and a stable mind. or you'll end up losing it, like many of our "great" artists and musicians. so I'm grateful, i'm placed in one of the most prestigious art schools in asia, not under the influence of marijuana, hipster brats, and whatever crap that jades people in a lot of places. i suppose thats a generalization, but i just want to get down to some good ol dirty focused potting. with an inspiration and purpose for my art works, I feel I wont let this skill and gift go to waste. now being held accountable is very reasonable, and my search for holiness stumbles at times but i'm doing my best to hold me to standards above and not of this world. and how terrible is it for me to fall, but I know i will have to continue on and I cant let anything hold me back down. so word i'm excited to get to minnesota. and get my cinema book i've missed kinda a lot. oh wow, this is hard, but i've got a lot of glass to break when I get back. snap.