i went to church yesterday. 11 am and i left at 6 pm its crazy intense. so I think some things have changed. but the things that have changed, somebody may not notice because they were hidden things.
but if i was asked to smoke a joint back home...what would i say? I think i'd say no. if I was asked to smoke a joint with max in europe...what would i say? I guess we'll see.
so i hope to say no. so max, amsterdam may be our last stop, but yeah i'd like to skip to a cafe, grab a cup of coffee and just go walk around.
the thing with smoking...hmm. it would change the day, and something interesting may happen because we did, but usually i end up regretting my choice when i get all burnt out. because when I'm tired, I barely can talk. and if theres somebody i want to talk to, I miss that opportunity because of the choice I made before. hmm if I hit the slopes with pat, and he offered me a hit...what would I say? snowboarding is fun just as it is, just say you dont want to toke up. but again with past experience its happened that way so its hard to change. convict me not to smoke if its important. which yeah look how much trouble i caused my mom by smoking, and look at how much she loves you.
hmm. if yak asked me to chill and have a chief, what would i say? what happens if that toke led the conversation in a whole different way, for the benfit? convict me. how would I say no in situations like this? if shiraz swooped me up for a drive and asked me to smoke, how do i got about saying no? what happens if you share that difference and experience to better your relationship...by using? oh yeah if they're friends they should understand. so you just gotta say no. once. thats it.
but somebody comment. please. give me another viewpoint. i've had great times "stoned' me and max went skating in wayzata on a bright sunny day, we had a hit and just got a good buzz. we went and had pizza by the slice across the street from the chain italian shop. even though we were good friends, we had that shared silence, kind of like the akward one you get on dates. and that was the changing point, the point where we're like wow we're in for a crazy year as we both head to the U of M. and another time we went to the park to throw a frisbee in that backstreet with the windy roads and tall trees. we had a beer and just chilled, talked and thought. we were like should we go see jenna? nah, should we call? nah we shouldnt go should we? and yeah we did and it was one of the best memories i had with that girl. yeah I miss that girl.
i've got so many friends now. on a level of hey oh the semesters over and your leaving? oh well yeah facebook i'll see you when i see you. but during all this time I didnt really stop to consider all my FRIENDS! man its been over a year, since i've drank beer and grilled with krew, went frolfing, jammed with kreeble and max, sat around a bonfire, have the greatest chillness driving on a minnesota summer evening, windows rolled down, straates exhaust purring passing lakes left and right on a road tunneled by trees, to a sunset that reflects of the ocean, hand waving up and down the window, fresh air and anticipation, smell of pot, reaching my hand back to recieve, and or pass getting to the lake. running around in the grass throwing a light up frisbee. getting butt naked and jumping off the dock. chilling in that beautiful kitchen, talking goofing off. wow i need to get home in the summer
but i cant believe all i've been through. all the friends i've made. and the things ive seen and done! look at our s/e asia pictures! OMG look at how beautiful that is. and I lived that. how privaledged I am. how I was given this life such a privaledged life. so whats the meaning of life? all the things of the past you sorely adore, all the things that are upahead that you dont even know,andthat space where the future pours out into our present to be washed into the past. when can we just chill to appreciate the coming, the now the past. i dont like how low quality face book is, pat hannah can we do a photo swap? i forgot i went to japan with ciee! omg and even though it was tiring as no other wow look at the things we did! we went clubbing in osaka! i took a road trip from mn to co, az cali and back, wow i went to hawaii for spring break with my good friends! we saw a reef shark at molokini! me max and andrew had a place together our freshman year of college! God whats it all for? but thank you I'm super grateful right now. how beautiful life really is. i guess i need not worry. life will take care of itself.
did i say i hate how crappy quality facebook is with pictures? i didnt think id be one of these 1000 picture people, guess that changed quick.
quick. lifes quick. so how do we make the most of the now? because the past is forgotten, and the future is unseen. i guess i'm confused. but this has been an amazing time. thank you.
1 comment:
I hear ya man. It is hard to say no sometimes. But if you can get past that, which i know you can, it is a rewarding feeling in the end that you kept your mind clear from past habits.
I hate being burnt out near the end and not being able to communicate with my best buds. I always feel like it's just me too. I'll be sitting in the same room with everyone I smoked with. Everyone will be talking. Except me. I'll just sit and wonder in my head, "Why am I so high right now? Everyone else is laughing and talking about. And I'm just sitting here. I can't even get in the conversation cuz I wouldn't know what to say. How come I feel higher than everyone else? Why did I do this to myself? I'm probably the most boring person to be around right now cuz I'm just that high ass dude sitting there."
That is a reason I quit. But, I can't say that I fully have. Because that would make me a hypocrite. But it did help me cut back.
I barely do it anymore. But I still do it every once in a while. Why do I do this? because, I too remember that there is good in it. It grows in our earth for a reason.
I too remember those times when I would jam with you or trav or ostlund and just get super into it. Or when you and I would have the non awkward silence of just the fact of chillin with eachother. We didn't have to say anything because we already knew that the other person was probably saying enough things just inside their head to themselves. We'd sit and think. And we would see. We would travel plymouth, minnetonka, wayzata and just see what was around. such as clouds, lake, people, stores, etc. Sometimes we would think out loud and discuss what to do. What to make? Maybe a future project within the krew? etc. For sure good times :)
But now it is hard to do that. We are getting older. As we get older, the years get shorter. A year used to take forever when I was a kid. I have lived 20 of them now and a year is not that big of a deal anymore. It is crazy! I can't waste the rest of my life high. I gotta think of my own future projects.
But once again I will still toke every once in a while. Why? well, i guess i miss that feeling. If i go overboard and get too high, I will regret it. Why? cuz then I'll miss the feeling of reality and sanity back an hour ago before i decided to take a hit. Talk about confusion for me as well. If i do it now, I'll only take a small rip or two. No coughing anymore. just an easy breath in and breath out.
Amsterdam should be fun. We both obviously have different morals. I don't plan on spending it all high just because it is the weed capitol of the world. If i do, i hope to not do it more than once. We'll just play it by ear. We can help each other from making a wrong decision.
I haven't seen you in over a year. It would feel good to be able to conversate. But then again, I wouldn't mind just chillin on a bench without saying anything and staring at a canal with one of my best friends just because i miss those times as well.
I might boom there. I might not. It depends at what high or low point I will be in my life. If i do it though, I know from my past 10k on how to spread it out to stay real with my surroundings. I would also maybe do it secretly. We don't have to do it together or at the same time. Because I feel that we both understand each other from the drawing I drew for you that it doesn't matter what the other person is on because we are both on one thing together no matter what. And that thing is living life. And we are there for eachother the whole way.
Try not to think about it too hard. getting bongload stoned was a past phase in our lives. We have more self control now. We have both grown up a bit. Talk to you later buddy.
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