I feel I need to try. Or at least die trying. It's probably not as glamorous as it seems, but if I can make ends meet being in the mountains more often than I am now, I think that'd be the life. If I can climb, fish, and tend a garden, I'd be content.

Being in specialty coffee for the last two and a half years has been great. But I can't imagine doing the same thing for the next 5 years. I don't have a desire to have my own shop or run things like I'm the boss. Passive income is a dream for small business owners, but not one I really care to achieve. It'd be a little sad to be out of the loop and where the industry is going, but I think it wouldn't be to hard to pick back up. It's hard doing the grind and feeding people coffee that you care about, but they don't. I'm tired of small talk and superficial interactions, as funny as it is to see people check themselves out and the mirror, it gets old.

Marriage is difficult. It makes me so depressed at times. There's so much expectation I cannot meet, and so much needed change that doesn't happen. More let downs, more pressure, more sadness. I think the best part though is feeling someone next to you when you sleep and wake. That makes me happy. 

Recent things

Mt Arapiles and Grampians National Park were amazing. The araps really stood out as the gem of our 10 day trip down in Victoria. I wish I could have a month to stay down there and climb.

We are trying to decide what to do about our visa ending in March. We are far from family here in Australia, but the weather is good, and the climbing is quite amazing. Its hard to want to move somewhere so remote from good climbing, such as Montreal. With long cold winters, snobby French pride, and not much climbing, whats the good?

A shop front, low rent, new city. It could come with its fair share of good and bad experiences, just as moving to Sydney had. I could live in a climbing gym, but the only way to improve on that grade is, climb on rock.

What is in Southern California? What is near Joshua Tree that we may live and sustain a life? What about in Oregon with Zach, Smith Rock.

What about our desires to travel, experience, see the world? Money is the issue it seems. We don't save much living here in Sydney. We have student tuition, limited working hours for Sol, and high rent. The expenses really add up, and we dont have a big enough income to do more than get by and take some interstate trips. Its hard to have enough to travel abroad.

Maybe we can sell a lot of stuff by the time March rolls around, travel to New Zealand, do the Arapiles and Grampians again, and then head on over to the States. Hopefully we can have enough saved to be able to do such a thing.

Kind of stuck. 

Considering fear

I like to think I've done some amazing things in my lifetime, but almost for the first time, I haven't been able to shake the heavy sense of responsibility that is connected to success and failure. I am scared of where I'll live, what I will do, if I can go beyond hospitality and hourly jobs. I find myself thinking I should have studied IT and gotten a good job. I have thoughts that I should quit hobbies that won't have a return on them, so I can focus on what matters. I find my priorities out of order. I took a leap of faith and moved to Sydney two years ago. It's been the greatest journey, but now that I've gained my rhythm, it seems the reality of immigration could shake things up in a year. Then what? Move to America and work for 8 dollars an hour? Start a cafe with no guarantee? Pursue a guiding career that is even more spotty than a free lance life coach. I've jumped from rock faces, scaled building walls, been sucked down by waves twice my height, but those fears last but seconds. Maybe I've lost the spring in my step, the innocence to my hope. Or maybe it's just hidden away, just right beyond that shadow of unknown. I guess time will tell. Peter

But this makes me smile and laugh. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e-7UbU45a1U

This housing situation sucks.

There's a roach in its back that you can see from down the hall. The shower is clogged (men's floor, what could be the reason)

This sucks. 

This season, marks a low point in my life. I don't really care about my relationship in my faith. I don't have much time to work, bare minimum. Being broke is stressing me out. Find myself short tempered and angry a lot.

The tension is forcing me, I think, to learn time management. The challenge is hard, but I can imagine something to grow from it. Like music class, being humbled and humiliated, battling insecurity and lack of confidence, with hints of despair, being masked by a tiny sliver of hope that may be enough for me to keep pushing on, and actually improve. Even though throwing my hands up, and quitting would be the easier thing to do.

Life ain't dandy. But that's life. 

a nutritional summary of 2014

I learned a lot of things in 2014. About passions, hobbies, myself. I also learned about the things I put in me, and how it affects me.

We have heard things like, "what you eat, is what you are" and vague commands such as, "eat your veggies," but haven't really understood why.

Here is what I have been learning, and hopefully it will encourage you to do your own research and find what works for you.


Lets eat real food. Meat, veggies, nuts, fruits, grains. 

Processed foods have added chemicals to make them clean, appealing, and mass producible. Also they are normally filled with  refined sugar, which your body cannot properly digest.


Fat doesn't make you fat.
Fat is essential to your body. Excess sugar, makes you fat. Sugars found in natural foods are digested along with fiber, so you can break down the sugar you are ingesting. Coke on the other hand, doesn't have any fiber, and therefore skips down to your liver, which can't properly digest it, sends for a massive insulin spike, that turns the sugar into fat.

Do not trust the labels that you see at the supermarket. Low fat, fat free, skim milk. Because you take the fat out, the food tastes bad. Therefore sugar is added to make the experience more pleasurable.

There are bad fats, like trans fats, that are found in processed foods. Small amounts are found in some meats and dairy products. Look for hydrogenated vegetable oil on the label of the products you are buying as this is the cause of trans fat, even if it says 0 grams.

Add lots of Fiber to your diet. 
Fruits, legumes and nuts, vegetables, whole grains.
Fiber helps to move foods and carcinogens through your digestive tract. It also helps to lower blood cholesterol levels and control glucose levels (so that the natural sugar you intake can be properly digested). Also make sure to drink lots f water as this helps your body function smoothly.

Your gut is a sensitive environment.
There is good bacteria and bad bacteria in your body. You promote one or the other by the things you eat, and the growth of one or the other effects your body in a positive or negative way. A healthy looking person on the outside, may actually be heading in the direction of diabetes, if that person is consuming junk food. Exercise doesn't make the bacteria in your large intestine healthy, the food you eat does.


Why I choose organic, free range, and vegetables when I can. 
Since the food industry has such great control and power, we don't have much to say except to promote what we do care for. That is, voting with our dollar. Yes, better ingredients are more expensive, but the consumerist mind set has driven down prices to a point where it is artificially cheap. Filled with chemicals such as round up, pesticides, genetically modified organisms, we do not know how these altercations are going to harm our bodies and the effects it will cause in the generations to come. Already, American children are becoming some of the most obese children, with higher risk of diabetes than any generation before.

As I have more conversations, and learn more about nutrition, I am inspired to eat in a way that is beneficial to my body, to the growing industry of real food, and to the generations to come.

Elon Musk, founder of Pay Pal, Tesla cars, and SpaceX has inspired me with some of his philosophies. He isn't waiting around to help the world, but is taking initiative, and that is what we need to be doing as well.


Bibliography with improper citations and other resources:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/high-fiber-foods/art-20050948

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w94D45txSxo (ABC 2 part series on gut bacteria and how the food you eat can lead to diabetes, asthma, depression or a healthy, more fit life style)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2381335/ Fed Up

http://authoritynutrition.com/foods/

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/#axzz3O0GxeQRU

jundabang family outing

had a talk with allen last night. put things into perspective a little bit. can't let things go to waste. can't waste my time by investing in things that don't produce.

had a wonderful dinner to vamp a slow day. met my coworkers, the jundabang project family. we went to two different burger joints to taste test their menus. we conversed and tasted, joked and play jenga. one of the dudes lost and had to buy a round of wings, little did we know he got super hot so we could barely eat them. quite mischievous.

i'm going to start meeting the chef for casual conversation to help him improve his english. this should be fun. we were dissecting the parts of the cow in korean and english tonight. good to know.

guys and girls are different. girls are talkers and listenings. guys are listeners that try to fix everything. i caught myself doing that today, i hope she understands.

i'm quite tired. i took off the doors of my closet to create more space in my room today. I organized the shelves to make room for my mom. i'm trying to clear out the vanity area so she can have more space. i was thinking about turning my closet into a tiny office, but i reconsidered, but maybe i still will.

i want to buy a home. enough of this renting lifestyle.

it is so easy to feel alone. i don't know why i do it to myself. i'm so glad i went to dinner tonight.