posers give everything a bad name.  i hope i am not posing.  

a not so typical day in the life

lately i've had the thoughts of what I'm supposed to do after graduation.  I am graduating in February with my graduation exhibition in December.  I have long awaited this time, and now that its drawing near, I've been evaluating with probably more mental energy than really necessary.  Life just works, so I don't really know what i'm fussing about...but... nonetheless I am.

Today, woke up thinking I had to go to missions training, but I didn't have to.  Nice!  Got the whole morning to myself.  Tried to do backed up homework, wasn't much of a success, but made bits of progress.  Enough to get it done when it is needed.

Rode my bike to Itaewon, had a jam session with K1 house of prayer, and rode back home to get ready for BK's bachelor party.  Got doored by a taxi on the way, that sucked.  Minor but sucky.  Walked the rest of the way up the hill and started to help the brotha's out.  We had a BBQ on top of Mat's roof, overlooking Hongdae, with the setting sun behind the haze in the distance.  It was very asian esque.  It was great.

I have my doubts.  More or less, more is less.  I'm suffering with the freedom of choice, kind of ironic?  Too many things I want to do, and the idea of doing them all makes me feel like a jack of all traits.  What do I want to do?  Be a professional bum that makes six figures; that can work three to four days a week so that a couple of days I can rock climb, play guitar, ride my bicycle, prep photo shoots, and the like.  The weekend I can better dedicate to ministry stuff and things of my liking.  But life probably isn't that easy, and probably all of that will leave me at the same level of fulfillment that it has given me now (cause that is the life I'm living minus the large amounts of money that would likely bring my grief.)

So what will I do?  Get a job.
What will I have to give up?
Dreams of being a rock climber/outdoor photographer.
Will I have to give up dreams of rocking shows with my band?  I don' think so, all of the members have day jobs as it is already.
I can use two of maybe the three weeks of vacation I have to go learn the trait of bicycle building and maintenance in Oregon so that is not totally out the window.
In the days end, these are all just my ideas, we will see what really happens.

the reason i have been feeling so upset about giving my time to others is because it has been sacrificial.  it hurts to give.  

I just ran into an old man at the park.  first thing I thought was we (koreans and foreigners living in korea) need to be less critical of the cultural things in this country.

the old man with a shot wound in his hand asked me my story.  he was filled up with pride (in a good way) for this country and for my choice to come learn in this land.  he kept saying, your doing a great thing, and then along the lines of rise up, take places of influence, get the noble peace prize!  haha.  he explained that he wanted to raise his kids in the military, but his sons approached him and said, in this culture of ours, we are going to take these places of influence and be the best we can be in this one life we have.  The old man blessed them to do that.

the older generation pushed education so hard because that is all they had for hope to be successful in life.  And look where it has brought Korea in the last 50-60 years!   the development that has happened so quickly is incredible.

but now is another time and another cultural shift.  our generation is rising up and many of them are jaded by the education system and the pressures of success that are being placed upon this youth.  but with this heart there can be reformation!

I think the education system and the cultural pressures of success is about to be forever changed... again!
Good bye war time korea, hello creativity, peace, development, leisure, and hopefully more green spaces in the city of seoul!  

24 years

24 years ago, I was born on an Easter morning, with a thought in my mothers head, "how tiny you are!" It may have been one of the most joyous times in my parents lives. I hadn't done anything but I was still such a blessing.

I'm not a tiny baby anymore and life sure does go by fast. Maybe i'm still a little baby boy in my parents eyes, only when I'm a parent will I know that feeling.

I've received some amazing gifts, haha two of the same. I waited and waited, and voila, there are two Gopro cameras with my name on it haha. (my roommates got me one, also my dad got me one) Pretty sweet but I'll have to return one. Theres another box with the words Elixer on it, and I'm hoping it is my climbing harness. I've got some pretty incredible people around me.

But more than gifts and the like, more than anything, I want to be filled with an appreciation for life again. I know the emotional depth and evaluation of life's sincerity is particularly special on ones birthday, but I'd like to start developing a sense of my life's philosophy.

Be blessed to be a blessing. Righteousness is not for the sake of being holy and better off than others, its to be a whole person, walking in freedom and love, to help others who aren't all quite there yet.

theres a great temptation to begin to reject others when things get hard. and that temptation sounds good.

where will you stand peter?

maybe more than rejecting, learning boundaries would be better.

walking past a group of people and you hear one or two lines

me: martyred..

Hannah: i wrote ass twice

uhm